Today’s Big Stuff 8.6.24 Let’s Walz!!!

It’s Tuesday. There are 91 days until the general election. SCOTUS is a JOKUS, the Democratic Party is united and WE HAVE A RUNNING MATE!!!

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s especially fond of the f-word.

Note: Sexiest of Patriots! It’s Veep Announcement Day, and we have so much to talk about and we’re so excited and goddamnit we gotta go change pants and ok we’re back! Who’s fired up?! Hell yeah! We are too! The VP has us ready to rock and roll. She has consolidated party support, she has raised a buttload of money, she has conducted a thoughtful and exhaustive running mate search and she has taken the lead in all the polling averages. And none of it means jack shit if we don’t vote. 

Sorry! We know that stung, and we felt bad doing it. But we believe it’s vital that we ignore the polls as best we can for the next three months and just work our hot asses off. Now is that realistic? LOL! Of course not! We’re gonna be hooked on that shit like it comes filtered and it’s sold by a cartoon camel. But now that we know the momentum is on our side and VP Harris can win this thing, we have to focus on the work. So what are you doing to save democracy and make history? Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We are so excited to talk about Tim Walz that there’s no way we’re gonna make it to the news section without mentioning him. Oops. We just did it. 

Note three: Remember yesterday when all the dumb and scary and weird kids were telling us the economy was crashing? Well it’s rebounding today. So maybe the dumb and scary and weird kids don’t have any idea what they’re talking about. More: CNBC

Note four: Bon Iver is joining VP Harris and her new running mate at their rally in Wisconsin this week. We’re jealous of literally everyone who will be there. More: NPR

Note five: Uh-oh. Don’t look now, y’all, but Lindsey Graham says Trump is about to get focused. Yeah, and Lindsey’s about to stop kissing ass.

Note six: Remember when the police chief in Kansas led a raid on the local newspaper? Well he’s in big big trouble, and we just love to see it. More: Associated Press

Note seven: Picking a high school football coach as your running mate is some Real America Diner shit that the pundits are gonna love. Right? 

Note eight: This is awful. Schools in Arizona don’t want to be polling places anymore because it’s just too dangerous. What a totally normal fucking country we have thanks to Republicans. More: Salon

Note nine: Michigan’s state Supreme Court just came through big time for the people who live in Michigan. So they’re basically the opposite of the U.S. Supreme Court. More: Bolts Mag

Note 10: If we knew nothing else about the man or the ticket, this alone would earn our vote…

Note 11: It’s a little dated now, but we decided in a post we published yesterday that we should just trust VP Harris to make the right decision about her running mate. After all, we trust her to be president of the United States. More: Sam and Adam

Note 12: Did y’all watch the Olympic surfing?! It was so freaking cool! And HUGE congrats to American Caroline Marks on winning the gold medal! Also, there was a whale! More: Huff Post

Note 13: It is so goddamn scary seeing what Republicans are trying to do in Georgia. The coup ain’t over, y’all. More: AJC

Note 14: We wrote a piece last night about how a chunk of Rudy Doodie named Jenna Ellis just flipped. More: Sam and Adam

Note 15: Comics for Kamala killed it last night. We’re thinking about doing a Cussing Newsletters for Kamala, but we’re worried it’d just be the two of us cussing at each other and raising $7.

Note 16: Our dumbass broken SCOTUS managed to get one sorta right yesterday when it said the Missouri Attorney General can’t interfere with the New York AG’s prosecution of Trump. Thomas and Alito would have gone the other way because of course they would. More: NBC News

Note 17: Reporters asked Juicy Dickbrain (JD) Vance if he’ll debate Walz. He didn’t answer. He just ran away.

Note 18: Hey it’s a Tuesday so there are primaries. Get out there and vote! And while we’re nagging you, please also call today and check your voter registration status. We can’t have some twisted assheads messing with your right to vote.

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we give you this from the Harris campaign. Let’s get fired up. More:

Note 20: And on that exciting note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week. We also hope you’re digging the VP’s pick as much as we are. It could have been worse. She could have picked a couch-fucker. Love y’all!

Corrupt
Our Supreme Court continues to be a corrupt and broken joke. Sen. Ron Wyden revealed yesterday that there were even more private trips Clarence Thomas took on billionaire Harlan Crow’s dime. Yes that’s the same Clarence Thomas who has stripped basic human rights from millions of women while also trying to make Donald Trump a king. And here’s what Neil Gorsuch’s punk ass has to say… More: CNN

Team game
While we were writing this morning, the statements of support from Gov. Josh Shapiro, Gov. JB Pritzker, Gov. Gretchen Whitmer and Gov. Andy Beshear were rolling in. Mayor Pete offered one too. There is no infighting here. There is a unified party, excited as hell and ready to help elect VP Kamala Harris. If you see people talking shit about her pick today, ask yourself if they were really ever gonna support her anyway.

Ballz to the Walz
That was Adam’s text this morning, so we’re going with it. By now you know that VP Harris has selected Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz as her running mate. Walz is a veteran, a former teacher and high school football coach who codified reproductive rights into law in Minnesota while expanding voting rights and trying to keep children from starving. He and his wife conceived their daughter Hope through IVF. He has never had sex with a couch, looked up dolphin porn, he has no strong feelings about Diet Mountain Dew, he loves childless cat ladies and he’s going to kick Vance’s sorry ass. Let’s go!!! More: Huff Post

Today’s clips
A judge on Monday ruled that Google’s ubiquitous search engine has been illegally exploiting its dominance to squash competition and stifle innovation, a seismic decision that could shake up the internet and hobble one of the world’s best-known companies. More: Huff Post

Several US personnel were injured in a suspected rocket attack Monday against US and coalition forces at Al-Asad Airbase in Iraq, a US defense official said. More: CNN