Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And it still can’t fucking believe what happened this week.
Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we are still very much putting our brains back together after this week’s mind-blowing developments. Hell, we couldn’t even figure out how to send out the newsletter yesterday and ended up in a Groundhog Day sitch. But the new reality is starting to set in, and it feels really good. For us anyway. We’re not sure it feels good for other people. Like this slimy sonofabitch…
LOLOL. Get his ass! We love how biblical that sounds. We didn’t just reject those scumbags. We rebuked them! We want to make sure we don’t go down the Tucker Carlson road, but we think it’s fair to say that Don Jr. is an actual demon. Maybe. We always thought demons would be cooler with better hair. Regardless, we’re just glad that the reality of how much the world hates him and the other Trump scum is breaking through. What started as badass protesters flipping double birds at Trump rallies is now a nationwide movement.
The nation did rebuke these fuckers. And they’ve been in their bullshit bubble for so long that they seem really shocked by it. Why does that make it even sweeter? Anyway, we’re just getting started mocking and tormenting these sleazebags. So if you see Junior around, be sure to let him know his goofy ass has been rebuked. Then tell him to go fuck himself. Y’all have a blessed day. More: Twitter
Democrats won BIG. Now comes the hard part: making sure they aren’t terrified of the power voters just handed them. We didn’t work this hard to watch them politely ask Republicans for permission to govern.
And that’s where independent media comes in. We’re here to celebrate the wins, call out the bullshit, and hold our own side accountable when necessary.
If you appreciate independent media that doesn’t confuse accountability with disloyalty, consider becoming a paid subscriber. We promise to remain a pain in everyone’s ass.
Note two: We actually did do a new newsletter yesterday. It just wasn’t what was emailed out. You can check it out here. We apologize for the fuck-up. We are gonna take tomorrow off though because we are freaking beat.
Tangled Up in Blue
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But probably not as much as Republicans did last night.Sexy Patriots, what a NIGHT! Democrats delivered a massive victory up and down the ballot, and independent media and creators helped tell the stories that mattered. Last night was a reminder of what this community can accomplish together. If you woke up feeling a little more hopeful about the future, consider becoming a paid subscriber today. Help us keep building independent media that doesn’t answer to billionaires or corporate bosses. We love y’all!
Note three: This story is paywalled, but it’s so delicious. Susan Collins is crying and whining that “it’s never enough” that she voted to impeach Trump. LOL. We’d say we’re concerned for Susan, but we don’t actually give a shit. More: New York Times, The Daily Beast
Note four: It sucks to see that Schumer is probably going to be Majority Leader. Thank you to CVH for making him sweat for it. And honestly, thanks to CVH for lots of stuff. More: Common Dreams
Note five: Just look at this. There’s really nothing to say except HOLY FUCKING SHIT and Thank you, Texas!
Note six: Even the state board of education fell. Do you know how important that is? Texas kids will actually learn real shit instead of stories about Jesus fucking dinosaurs or whatever. More: Yahoo News
Note seven: How funny is it that Elon the Anus moved to Texas so he could be above the law and now he’s governed by all Dems? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! More: NBC News
Note eight: Well that was fast. Ro’s people are already firing up his 2028 presidential campaign. We’re not mad at this, but he needs to keep the Epstein survivors as his first priority. More: NBC News
Note nine: What do you call a lame duck with a limp dick? Donald Trump.
Note 10: Katherine Clark hasn’t gotten nearly enough love for her efforts to take back the House. Well done, ma’am.
Note 11: The new chief justice of the Texas Supreme Court is the first woman and first lesbian to hold that role. We seriously can’t stop saying WOW WOW WOW about Texas. More: Fox7Austin
Note 12: Trump’s ass-kissing friend bought Time Magazine. And that still didn’t stop this brutal new cover. More: HuffPost
Note 13: Our Surfin’ Sam approves of Ted Lieu breaking out the big blue foamie to ride the big blue wave… More: Instagram
Note 14: The scum are going down everywhere. Russell Brand was convicted of rape. It was just a few months ago he was making rape jokes while “Dr.” Oz laughed his ass off. Enjoy prison, dirtbag. More: Deadline
Note 15: Isn’t it sweet to think about how irrelevant John Fetterman is? We’re already starting to forget his name. More: Penn Live
Note 16: We’re not afraid to dream big anymore, so we’re really hoping like hell that Scott Colom pulls this off in Mississippi. More: ABC News
Note 17: Look at what y’all did…
Note 18: How bad was Republican turnout? Stephen Miller’s wife didn’t even vote. Goddamn that’s hilarious. More: HuffPost
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re going to the NBA, where Golden State coach Steve Kerr got some digs in on Trump…
Note 20: And on that slam dunk note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week. But frankly, we know you are, you beautiful blue beasts. Great job on the rebukin’. Love y’all!
Run, JD, Run!
Couchfuck wants us all to know that he’s not like Donald Trump. In a long twitter screed yesterday, JD laid out why he thinks Republicans got their asses kicked, blaming the war against Iran and the U.S.’s relationship with Israel. He might actually be right about those things, but we don’t buy for a second that he has ever spoken up about either. It’s pretty fucking hilarious watching this bootlick try to put daylight between him and Trump. That ain’t happening.
More Ballroom!
So how did Trump respond to being told to eat shit by pretty much the whole country? By taking the press on a tour of his goddamn ballroom. He is clearly incapable of accepting reality or hearing the voice of the people, so he went to check out his latest construction projects. He looked so depressed and ugly. It really warms our souls. Remember when the press loved to call Democrats out of touch?
More: NBC News
Hot-seat Pete
Trump insists he is going to keep Pete Hegseth on as Defense Secretary. He might not have a choice. Defeated Rep. Thomas Massie ain’t done with Trump yet, and he says he’s ready to introduce articles of impeachment on the drunken asshead. Other Republicans are indicating they will jump in. And this would be a great way for Democrats to show that they actually heard their voters and will hold some of these fuckers accountable. See ya soon, Pete.
Today’s clips
The death toll from a Russian bombing of an aid distribution point in Ukraine’s southeastern Zaporizhzhia region on Monday has risen to 40, with dozens still missing, officials said, in one of the deadliest strikes on civilians this year. More: NBC News
Billionaire Leon Black filed a defamation lawsuit Wednesday against Rep. Robert Garcia of California, the top Democrat on the House Oversight Committee, which has spearheaded a Jeffrey Epstein investigation. More: NBC News
Sen. Ted Cruz, R-Texas, on Wednesday described the historic Democratic sweep in the midterm elections as an “ass-kicking” for Republicans, urging the party to deliver on economic promises in the next cycle. More: NBC News
VATICAN CITY (AP) — Bob Dylan came knockin’ on Pope Leo XIV’ s door Wednesday, as the American singer-songwriter and poet visited with the American pope at the Vatican during a break between concert dates in Italy. More: AP
DEARBORN, Mich. (AP) — Campaigning relentlessly across Michigan, Abdul El-Sayed didn’t highlight the possibility that he could become the first Muslim elected to the U.S. Senate. But with victory in hand, he savored his triumph over the vitriol aimed at him and his fellow Muslim Americans. More: AP
MONTGOMERY, Ala. (AP) — Sheyann Webb-Christburg was 8 when she was part of the crowd of civil rights marchers attacked on Bloody Sunday in Selma, Alabama, months before President Lyndon Johnson signed the Voting Rights Act.
On Tuesday night, she stood in Montgomery, Alabama, to celebrate a resounding political victory for Black voters and others who refused to accept the law’s recent diminishment by the U.S. Supreme Court and several state legislatures across the South. More: AP
JUNEAU, Alaska (AP) — Alaskans settled in Wednesday to await more results from key races on the general election ballot, including a bitterly fought U.S. Senate campaign and an open seat for governor. More: AP
Democrats won BIG. Now comes the hard part: making sure they aren’t terrified of the power voters just handed them. We didn’t work this hard to watch them politely ask Republicans for permission to govern.
And that’s where independent media comes in. We’re here to celebrate the wins, call out the bullshit, and hold our own side accountable when necessary.
If you appreciate independent media that doesn’t confuse accountability with disloyalty, consider becoming a paid subscriber. We promise to remain a pain in everyone’s ass.
The latest from Adam
Fight ALL the fights
Back in February 2025, we were told the resistance had to be different this time…
how is everyone doing today? is substack behaving?
Thanks for the humor and great work.