Tangled Up in Blue

It’s Wednesday. There are 733 days until the 2028 elections. A night of many firsts, Democratic leadership better wake up and Mike Little Johnson calls it quits.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But probably not as much as Republicans did last night.

Note: Sexy Patriots! You’ve never looked sexier or more patriotic. Holy fucking shit, y’all! You did it! We did it! We saved the tattered and stained remains of the great American soul, and we might have just saved the whole goddamn world at the same time. We went up against actual evil, and we kicked its fuckin’ ass. And it feels sooooooooo good.

Rout is such a great word. Y’all really did the damn thing. Take a bow. You sure earned it. That’s why we want you to hear today’s opening message loud and clear — CELEBRATE!!!!!! Politics has always been a life-sucking endeavor, but with Trump it became spirit-destroying too. This last decade has been hard. Really damn hard. And wins like this don’t happen often. This kind of restoration of faith is hard to come by outside of a Hallmark movie. The non-Floridian American people rose up and pushed back against the dark and fugly forces of fascism. It’s basically the end of Star Wars. That’s something to celebrate. That’s something to shake your ass about.

So while the hard work is just now starting, we are giving you an official permission slip to enjoy the hell out of this hopeful moment in American history that you helped create. Get down with your bad selves, Sexy Patriots. You fucking deserve it. Y’all have a blessed day. More: Twitter

Note two: Thank you to Alex Pretti, Renee Good and the other brave people of Minneapolis for reminding us that we’re Americans, and we don’t put up with no tyrant shit.

Note three: Elon spent almost half a billion and won exactly jack shit. But at least he did win a big can of suck it. More: CNBC

Note four: Oh and we still might win the U.S. Senate seat in Mississippi. What a freaking night! More: The Hill

Note five: We love us some Robert Garcia, and we’re so glad he got the memo from the American people about what we want…

Note six: How sweet is it that Vivek Ramaswamy ate so much shit last night? We hope to never hear from him again, and we can’t wait to remind everyone that Couchfuck stood by him to the very end. More: Newsweek

Note seven: TEXAS! You went all the way freaking blue. Our dreams don’t even get this blue! More: The Guardian

Note eight: Where do you think Ken Paxton is right now? We’re guessing a brothel somewhere in Eastern Europe.

Note nine: And we are already love the James and Gina Show. Texas, you done good. More: HuffPost

Note 10: Wanna see something hilarious? Elon is deleting his tweets!

Note 11: Maine, you beautiful bastards! It was a roller coaster, but you retired Susan Collins. A grateful nation thanks you. More: NBC News

Note 12: The yutes are gonna save us! More: AP

Note 13: The Trump cope has been so delicious. What a fucking loser.

Note 14: We won so much last night that we can’t even get to them all in this newsletter. We don’t think that’s ever happened before.

Note 15: The Republican redistricting backfire is one of the funniest fucking things we’ve ever seen. Remember when Trump said he was “entitled” to another five seats? LOL. More: AP

Note 16: Oh look. One of Trump’s Jan. 6 scumbags committed more crimes. Hard to believe these assholes lost so bigly. More: Politico

Note 17: It needs to be said — thank you to Stacey Abrams for the path she helped create. We don’t do what we did in Georgia last night without her.

Note 18: Virginia Foxx and Derrick Van Orden lost last night. We love it when miserable pricks get beat. More: News Observer, WPR

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re going to Texas. Enjoy this video of crying Republicans… More: Twitter

Note 20: And on that glorious note, let’s go do some news! Y’all are the fucking best, and we are so goddamn proud of you. Now get out there and party! Love y’all!

History

Texas has its first Latina governor. Mississippi has its first trans legislator. Georgia has its first Black woman governor. New Mexico has its first Native American governor. Michigan has the first U.S. Senator who is Muslim. New Hampshire has the first openly gay U.S. Senator. We did some really cool and long overdue shit last night. You’ve never looked better, America.

More: Washington Sun

NOPE

Our celebration was a bit curtailed this morning when we saw this. We’re not gonna get that deep into it today, but this is a bad misreading of what happened last night, and we sure hope there is an imminent course correction…

More: bsky.app

Bye, Mikey

After telling so many lies and kissing so much orange ass, Mike Little Johnson is calling it quits. Mikey said this morning that he won’t run for House Minority Leader. Too bad; so sad. You know who does want the job? Gym Jordan. How hilarious is that? We’re gonna be exposing the Epstein shit and they’re gonna have the molester protector defending it. We’re fine with that. In fact, we hereby endorse Gym Jordan to be minority leader. LOL.

More: NBC News

Today’s clips

Democrats notched an upset victory in South Carolina’s Senate race, NBC News projects, with Annie Andrews toppling Republican Sen. Darline Graham, who was appointed this year to succeed her late brother, longtime Sen. Lindsey Graham. More: NBC News

Voters in 17 states have elected female governors, setting a record in Tuesday’s election as Democrats made sweeping gains in races up and down the ballot. More: NBC News

Adam Hamilton has defeated Republican Sen. Roger Marshall of Kansas, NBC News projects, becoming the first Democrat to win a Senate seat in the ruby red state since 1932. More: NBC News

Democratic former Sen. Sherrod Brown has prevailed in one of the year’s most combative and expensive Senate races, beating Republican incumbent Jon Husted, NBC News projects. More: NBC News

Democratic former Gov. Roy Cooper has defeated former Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Whatley in the contest for North Carolina’s open Senate seat, NBC News projects. More: NBC News

Ohio Democrat Brian Poindexter has defeated Republican Rep. Max Miller, NBC News projects, months after Miller’s ex-wife accused him of domestic abuse — allegations he denied but which became the centerpiece of the campaign. More: NBC News

Rep. Richard Hudson, R-N.C., chairman of the National Republican Congressional Committee, lost his re-election bid Tuesday, NBC News projected. More: NBC News

Democratic state Rep. Jon Rosenthal has won the race for Texas railroad commissioner, NBC News projects, defeating Republican Bo French, who faced widespread backlash in his own party and beyond for anti-immigrant, Islamophobic and antisemitic comments. More: NBC News

Lt. Gov. Peggy Flanagan defeated Republican Michele Tafoya in the Minnesota Senate race, NBC News projects, keeping the seat in Democrats’ column. More: NBC News

New York Gov. Kathy Hochul (D) called game on Texas Gov. Greg Abbott (R) early Wednesday, using a months-old basketball meme attempt against him after he lost his reelection bid to Gina Hinojosa (D). More: HuffPost

The latest from Adam