Elump or Trelon?

Today’s Big Stuff. Friday, August 16, 2024

Happy Friday! There are 81 days until the general election. House Republicans freak, the VP goes big on high prices and Trump craps on veterans again. 

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And in about 25 seconds, you will too.

Note: Sexy Patriots! We’re going to do something today we have rarely done and throw one of these bad boys TRIGGER WARNING on the opening note. We cannot warn you strongly enough that you cannot unsee the messed up shit we are about to show you. But after Trump mentioned his very strong endorsement from Elon Musk about 50 times yesterday, we saw this and we thought we would share it with you even though we love you very much. So here goes and we’re sorry…

Um… congratulations? It’s crazy to say, but they really do make kind of a cute couple. And they look so happy! Should we call them Elump or Trelon? Anyway, we didn’t share this just to make you throw up your breakfast. We shared it to demonstrate just how fucked up this election season is still going to get thanks to AI and the lunacy of the modern Republican Party. Right now, thanks to VP Harris and Tim Walz, we are rocking and rolling. And we know y’all are gonna keep that going because that’s just how y’all kick ass. 

But let’s keep our heads on a swivel, and be safe out there. There’s all kinds of weird fucked up shit going down these days. Try not to get any on ya. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Because we’re in the homestretch, there will be a special weekend edition of TBS in your inbox tomorrow. We figure everyone could use a few more f-bombs in their life these days. In the meantime here is Adam’s latest on JD Vance:

Note three: The Harris-Walz campaign is holding a weekend of action this weekend ahead of next week’s convention. According to Kyle Griffin, the campaign is planning to hold 2,800 events in battleground states, including phone banks, meet-ups, canvassing and Project 2025 message trainings. Y’all should get in on this. The campaign would be lucky to have your hot ass helping out. More: Kamala Harris

Note four: Trump announced his transition team this morning in case he wins. It includes Jumping Dillweed (JD) Vance and Eric and Don Jr. So yeah, we should probably stop that transition from happening. More: The Hill

Note five: Tim Walz made this really funny comment about spices, and now the right-wing freaks are absolutely melting down over it. We just thought it was funny. 

Note six: The New York Times is still writing shit about Hunter Biden. We’re not gonna link to it because they can go to hell and kiss our asses on the way there. More: NO LINK…because…ya know

Note seven: Well this is exciting. Eugene and Dan Levy are going to host the Emmys. We sure loved Schitt’s Creek, and we think Eugene Levy is a comedic hall of famer. If you’ve never seen Armed and Dangerous with Levy and John Candy, you should correct that. More: Variety

Note eight: Jupiter Dancingcrotch (JD) Vance is more unpopular than Sarah Palin. And she was a dumpster fire. More: ABC

Note nine: Trump again yesterday praised Elon Musk for firing striking workers. Isn’t this asshole supposed to be pretending to care about working people? More: AP

Note 10: Nancy Mace is what human garbage looks like. Just absolute trash. And we were told for a long time that she is a moderate. Yeah, moderate human garbage.

Note 11: Jiggly Droopydong (JD) Vance told reporters yesterday he thinks RFK Jr. should drop out and endorse Trump since they’re so alike. Shouldn’t it be bigger news that a vice presidential candidate is saying his running mate is just like a dude with a brain worm? More: Democrats.org

Note 12: How desperate is Trump? He brought back 2016 campaign manager Corey Lewandowski, who famously assaulted a reporter on the first campaign and was excommunicated from Trump world for sexually assaulting a Trump super donor. Sounds like a great guy to work with. This will probably go really smoothly. More: Yahoo News

Note 13: Good news, everyone! It looks like we’re going to hold the Senate seat in California. Though to be honest, if we were worried about this one, we’d be in pretty bad goddamn shape. More: KTLA

Note 14: Did y’all see President Biden and VP Harris at the drug prices event yesterday? They were so great together. And it just warms our heart to see Biden getting all the love he deserves. Oh and it’s also pretty effing great that those two fought the drug companies and won. More: The Guardian

Note 15: Anybody excited to officially nominate Kamala Harris and Tim Walz next week?

Note 16: Dark Brandon called Trump “Donald Dump” yesterday and we are freaking cackling. More: HuffPost

Note 17: Dr. Jill Biden is going to honor her husband at the Democratic convention on Monday. We are already sobbing. More: NBC

Note 18: “I’m very angry at her. I think I’m entitled to personal attacks. I don’t have a lot of respect for her. I don’t have a lot of respect for her intelligence, and I think she’ll be a terrible president.” That’s the dumb shit Trump said at his idiotic press conference yesterday. We wrote about it. And we can’t wait to make this asshole lose. 

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we give you Shepard Fairey’s latest artwork…

Note 20: And on that lovely note, let’s go do some news! If you stuck around to read today’s newsletter after that shocking opening note, well, we’re grateful. And if you didn’t, well, you’re probably not seeing this. See you tomorrow! Love y’all!

Losers

So we couldn’t find an actual story to link to here, probably because Beltway reporters think it’s their jobs to cover up for lunatic Republicans. But a Politico reporter tweeted yesterday that House Republicans were scheduled to have a remote political conference last evening and House Republican campaign chief Richard Hudson was “sounding the alarm.” “Hudson says he’s seen a significant shift towards the Dems in polling as Dems unite, ‘peaking really at the right time.’ He’s describing a situation in which the Dems and DCCC are shattering fundraising records after finding new enthusiasm. And that Rs need resources to match.” Politico sucks, but gosh that was fun to read.

Let’s go!

Today Vice President Harris laying out her economic policy plans, and she is going big for the American people. She’s going to propose a child tax credit of $6,000 per child, cutting taxes for the middle class, up to $25,000 to help first-time homebuyers with a down payment, a ban on price gouging on food and eliminating medical debt for millions. We’re already seeing Republicans howl about how this is socialism but they do that every time the policy isn’t tax cuts for rich assholes. We love to see this real populism from the VP. Go git ‘em! More: HuffPost

What an a-hole

Trump is back to one of his favorite pastimes — shitting on American veterans. Yeah, while kissing a GOP megadonor’s ass last night, Trump said he gave her a medal that is better than the medals Congress gives to our wounded and fallen troops who sacrificed for this nation. It’s so fucked up that we just included the clip…

Today’s clips

Officials in a key county in battleground Georgia are taking a new step to ensure election workers’ safety amid rising threats, equipping them with so-called panic buttons that would allow them to quickly contact authorities in emergencies. More: NBC News

The US is in the midst of a significant Covid-19 wave, and when the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention updates its wastewater dashboard on Friday, experts expect it to confirm that viral activity levels are the highest they’ve been during a summer surge since the CDC began publicly tracking such data in January 2022. More: CNN