Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It doesn’t get as much shit for it as it used to.
Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, it’s almost here. After two solid years of suck, we finally get our chance to send a message to all the assholes and start the long process of taking our country back. It won’t be easy. We’ve got a mainstream media who hates us and traitors in our midst. And yet, all we can think about is WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO JAMES COMER’S HEAD?!!!
Whoa. So that’s what it would look like if you dipped someone in a melted Matt Gaetz. He looks like a Kentucky Fried Midlife Crisis. We know people tell him to eat shit and dye, but we didn’t think he’d take it so literally. Maybe the old head got stuck up Trump’s ass. Yikes. But we think we know what’s happening here. Republicans can see what’s coming this week so they’ve started changing their appearance so they can sneak out of the country and into Venezuela. Comer is gonna be so surprised when we still bust him as Trump scum. You just won’t know it from the look on his botoxed face.
They can run, but they can’t hide. That Mar-a-Lago face only fools us for a second and that’s usually because we’re turning away in shocked horror. Anyway, congrats on the weird new head, Jamie. We hope it serves you well in the minority. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: Let’s kick things off with some music today, shall we? How about some Ramones… More: YouTube
Note three: We’re sending love to Chris Murphy, who had a stroke this weekend. Chris is one of our best warriors in the Senate, and we need him healthy and on the job. Get better, Chris! More: NBC News
Note four: We almost don’t want to show you these final NYTimes Senate polls. They look way too good for us, and we don’t know how to handle that. More: Siena
Note five: Even Bill Murray wants to know what’s up with this creep’s shit-eating grin…
Note six: The head of the Teamsters voted for an anti-union candidate in Florida instead of a union member. Sean O’Brien is a traitor who can eat shit and go fuck himself. More: Florida Politics
Note seven: You know how Nate Silver sucks butt? Well, we find ourselves hoping he’s right this time. More: Yahoo News
Note eight: HUGE congrats to the Golden State Valkyries on winning the WNBA championship in just their second year in the league. It was a thrilling series, and we know the Dream will be back. More: Yahoo Sports
Note nine: If you’re the kind of person who believes in signs like we do, then Fox News having a ratings collapse should be right up your alley. More: Hollywood Reporter, The Wrap
Note 10: It seems pretty fucking antisemitic for this Catholic to question a Jewish man’s faith. But what the fuck do we know?
Note 11: You know what’s an actual scandal? A judge had to tell the Trump administration to stop intimidating election officials. What would it take to get the New York Times to write 20 stories about that? More: NBC News
Note 12: Remember when Trump sued the Wall Street Journal over their report about his birthday card to Epstein? Well a judge just threw the suit out of court. So yeah, Trump made that gross drawing for his pedo best friend. More: NBC News
Note 13: Remember when we were told what a big scary terrorist this guy is? More: Threads
Note 14: If we’d told you two years ago that Trump would be spending the days before the midterms campaigning in Iowa and Kansas, you totally would have believed us. But that’s because you’re smart and trusting and you know Trump sucks. More: AP
Note 15: Trump’s people have been flooding their social media pages with some seriously racist shit. And this is the gutless and pathetic headline the AP went with… More: AP
Note 16: We’re sure hoping to see the rage of disenfranchised Southern Black voters tomorrow. We hope John Roberts sees it too. More: AP
Note 17: The New York Times has pretty much ignored the new allegations of rape against Trump. He is repaying them by calling for them to be prosecuted. Good job!
Note 18: Congrats to Ashley Hinson, whose body was the subject of an extended riff from the president of the United States. God it must suck to be a Republican. More: HuffPost
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re going to Kansas, and we are once again thanking every brave patriot who braved the scary kids to be able to give President Shit-for-brains the ol’ double middle fingers. Now it’s time for the rest of us to do the same. Let’s fucking go!!! More: Threads
Note 20: And on that beautiful note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had an amazing weekend. Unless you’re Haley Stevens. She can fuck right off. Love y’all!
Michigan Madness
By now you know that Haley Stevens fucked over her own party and her own career and appears to be having some kind of meltdown. We genuinely hope she gets the help she clearly needs. But that ain’t our problem right now. We’ve got a race in Michigan to win, and it has been so gratifying to see the way Democrats have rallied around Abdul after Haley’s gross betrayal. Thank you to everyone who didn’t royally fuck us over. Abdul even raised more than $2.4 million after she stuck a knife in his back. Let’s bring this home and win this fucking race. C’mon, Michigan. Do the right thing!
More: The Guardian, Michigan Advance, bsky.app
The Reflecting Poo
Today Trump is going to give Americans his closing message, and he’s doing it in front of one of his most embarrassing failures. According to multiple reports, Trump is going to give a speech in front of the Reflecting Pool, reminding Americans that he has spent billions of dollars of their money on redecorating projects while making prices skyrocket. We assume he’ll give his usual schtick about how much he hates trans people and Muslims and how much he likes Republican dudes’ asses. Our hunch is it’s too late, but as people who want Democrats to win, we’re sure he keeps talking.
More: The Hill
Vote and Breathe
Remember when our midterm countdown was more than 600 days? Remember when we wondered if we’d even be having elections? Well here we are. We know y’all have already voted. Right? If not, remember to avoid the mail. Go vote in person at this point. Or take your ballot to a drop-box. Take some people with you if you can. We’ve been waiting two years for this moment. We’re ready. We know y’all are on pins and needles. We are too. Please remember to practice some self-care today and tomorrow. You’re living through fascism, and that’s stressful as all hell. So be good to yourselves. And let’s kick some fascist ass.
Today’s clips
Martha Stewart has said she is “distressed” and “sorry,” after her choice of Halloween costume sparked a backlash. More: CNN
Rep. Haley Stevens (D-Mich.) struggled through an interview with CNN’s Anderson Cooper Sunday evening. Viewers struggled to watch, with many calling it “painful,” “uncomfortable” and a “train wreck.” More: HuffPost
Tiffany Trump was told to “read the room” after sharing a glamorous new magazine cover shoot that critics slammed amid ongoing cost-of-living concerns. More: HuffPost
JUNEAU, Alaska (AP) — A federal judge on Sunday dismissed a Justice Department lawsuit seeking to block certification of Alaska’s U.S. Senate race if Republican incumbent Dan Sullivan loses, the latest development in a ballot controversy that has roiled the final days of one of the nation’s most closely watched races. More: HuffPost
Haley Stevens’ staff has resigned following the Democratic lawmaker’s decision to jump ship and endorse Republican Mike Rogers for Senate.
Just hours after Rep. Stevens (D-Mich.) officially endorsed Republican Senate nominee Rogers on Sunday, Justin German, Stevens’ chief of staff, said he and many members of his team had resigned. More: HuffPost
The Michigan Democratic Party appears to have kicked out Rep. Haley Stevens after the congresswoman stunned on Sunday by endorsing Republican Senate candidate Mike Rogers over fellow Democrat Abdul El-Sayed. More: HuffPost
Sen. Dan Sullivan (R) confirmed Sunday he will accept Alaska’s election results regardless of the outcome, as the Justice Department escalates a criminal investigation into the Trump administration’s allegations that Democrats intentionally put forward a spoiler candidate on the ballot with the same name as the incumbent Sullivan. More: HuffPost
“Obsession” star Inde Navarrette, in her “Saturday Night Live” hosting debut, took a swipe at fellow Season 52 host Shane Gillis after comments from his episode caused waves of controversy. More: HuffPost
The latest from Adam and Sam
If we ever want to be taken seriously again as a country, Fox state run fascist media needs to be shut down. I’m tired of our electeds ignoring that problem.
Stevens is a sore loser just like djt. Sore losers can become traitors.