Turtle vs. worm

It’s Monday. There are 686 days until the midterm elections. The tortoise vs. the brain worm, this administration is gonna be so effing corrupt and flowers for a Justice.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s how we can tell ABC to grow a fucking spine.

Note: Sexy Patriots! How was your weekend? Did you get down on your knees and grovel and kiss the orange ass of a disgusting treasonous shithead? You didn’t? Then you must not be ABC.

Well that fucking sucks. Now a lot of people online — people like us — were saying this is an obvious capitulation from a chickenshit corporation that is bowing before our dumbfuck dictator before he even takes office. We wanted to confirm it though so here’s our interview with ABC…

TBS: So what’s your problem?

ABC: Please don’t shout. We just peed ourselves.

TBS: You’re a fucking mess. Maybe the news business isn’t for you.

ABC: Still peeing. Can’t seem to make it stop.

TBS: Ok this is getting embarrassing.

ABC: Would you like $15 million and a public admission that we just pissed our pants?

TBS: You ruined our shoes.

We thought about it, but we decided we didn’t want money from some wimpy buttlicks, especially money …