Tough Love Tuesday

It’s Tuesday. There are 105 days until the midterm elections. Kash is going to Russia, Hegseth faces the Senate and there is still gonna be a White House correspondents dinner.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And it is so sorry that its country is being a dick to Canada.

Note: Hey there, Sexy Patriots! Welcome to Tough Love Tuesday! Why are we calling it that? Well because there are some of our fellow Dumocrats (did you know dumb is spelled with a b at the end?) out there who need a good talking to, and so today that’s what we’re gonna do. We know this doesn’t apply to your hot ass, so please feel free to skip it and meet us at Note 2.

This weekend, we will hit 100 days from the midterms. Donald Trump is a disaster wrapped in a catastrophe wrapped in an exploding diaper packed with demon shit. His approval rating is in the 30s, gas is at $4 a gallon, the White House itself is in ruins, soldiers are dying, criminals are walking free, masked government thugs are killing people in the streets and Mitch McConnell is missing and presumed dead. And yet, there are still people who can look at all of that and tell you that Democrats are the real problem. And a shocking number of the people saying that are Democrats. Well, we’re fucking sick of it.

If you can live through 10 years of Trump and still believe that young lefties or so-called commies are the real threat, then congrats to you for becoming a Fox News viewer. If you hate Muslims or Jews, then you should join the other party. They’ve got plenty of bigots and nazis, so you’ll fit right in. We’re supposed to be the tolerant multi-ethnic coalition that represents America. That means everyone. Don’t talk about a big tent and then proclaim yourself the decider of who gets to come in. And if you ever find yourself sounding like Van Jones or Bill Maher, then maybe take some time off or just go fuck yourself.

We honestly don’t know how else to tell people that it will take every last one of us to defeat fascism. ALL OF US. That includes wimpy chickenshit centrists, pink-haired communists, the last six Blue Dogs in the world, Muslims, Jews, Rastafarians, exhausted Black and Brown people, cool whites and the rotting corpse of James fucking Carville. We don’t have the goddamn luxury of purity tests for our party right now. If your candidate lost or loses in a primary, get the fuck over it. It ain’t about them. It’s about that crazy stupid orange asshead in the White House.

This is all-hands-on-deck shit, Sexy Patriots. We’re sure you’ll find a nicer way to say this stuff when you carry the message forward. And we know that we’re sometimes guilty of this shit too (looking at you, Sam). But there is no need and no time to hate on our fellow resistors right now when Republicans are wrecking the whole fucking world. Let’s get it together, team. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: How about some therapy today? Yeah, we need it too. We’ll see you at 4:30 p.m. ET/1:30 p.m. PT.

Note three: Hey so just a reminder that Fox News hires creeps and liars and all women should stay far the fuck away from them. Especially this weird little shit…

Note four: It’s a Tuesday, so people are voting. If they’re voting near you, please join them and remember to not vote for any assholes. More: Bolts Mag

Note five: Congratulations to Bryson DeChambeau (his real name) on being named the whiniest douchebag in professional golf. Threatening to call Daddy Trump is a pretty beta move, bro. More: HuffPost

Note six: We are sooooo fucking sorry to our neighbors to the North. We used to be a country that would help when our friends were in trouble. Now we threaten them and tariff them. So yeah, we’re dicks. More: NPR

Note seven: Nolan Wells was laid to rest yesterday. That will not stop the demand for answers. More: NBC News

Note eight: Y’all know we usually hate the New York Times, but they did something good today. Trump is starving Americans so his rich friends can buy more private planes…

Note nine: Speaking of the Times, Trump tried to get their phone records. Between this and the subpoenas and the “quiet Piggy,” maybe it’s fucking stupid to have a White House Correspondents’ Dinner Part 2 this weekend. More: AP

Note 10: We have no idea what’s going on with Trump Shitting Disease because he and his dumb friends broke all the systems and trust we would normally count on in this situation. More: AP

Note 11: The team at Seth Meyers’s show put together a montage of all the times Trump has been booed. It’s our new favorite song. More: HuffPost

Note 12: Even Fox News buttlicks are starting to freak out about Trump’s stupid war in Iran…

Note 13: Holy shit we are somehow getting new Jimmy Buffett music. And we really need it. More: Billboard

Note 14: Lindsey Graham is still dead. And they’re gonna swap in his sister. This is all very weird, and we’re not ruling out a Mrs. Doubtfire situation. More: NBC News

Note 15: Damn, even Fox’s Sexy Vinyl Vixen Brit Hume is sounding the alarm over Trump’s quagmire. More: HuffPost

Note 16: Wouldn’t it be great if a White House reporter saw this post and asked Trump about the protesters he’s murdered?

Note 17: We have no idea where Mitch McConnell is, but we think Andy Beshear is approaching this the right way. We’d rather have an empty seat than one filled by a Trumper. Vegetable McConnell is kind of the best-case scenario at the moment. More: WHAS11

Note 18: Nancy Mace just lost another election. What a loser. By deciding not to run for Lindsey’s seat, Nancy just took one step closer to irrelevance. Thank goodness. More: Counton2

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, well, we were struggling to find something aside from that Jimmy Buffett news. So here’s A Pirate Looks at 40. And just for the hell of it, we’re adding Curtis Mayfield’s Superfly… More: YouTube, YouTube

Note 20: And on that awesome but confusing note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week so far. We also hope you’re ready to kick some ass this November. Because that’s the mission. Love y’all!

Performance Review

Kash Patel, who is living the high life on our dime, is heading to Russia this fall for some reason. Yeah, the director of the FBI is traveling to Moscow like two fucking weeks before the midterm elections. Seems pretty fucking fishy to us. Sure makes us wish we had the kind of press corps that would ask hard questions about this. It seems pretty obvious that Kash is going to do some colluding, but we suppose it’s also possible he just wants to use the jet to take his no-talent girlfriend to perform for Putin. Would serve him right.

More: Politico

Expect a Crash Out

Pete Hegseth is testifying in front of the Senate Armed Services committee today. When he’s not snarling, lying and being a total fucking asshole to the elected senators, Hegseth will be asking them for billions more of our dollars for his failed war in Iran. It’s another day when we’re gonna need our people to step up and get tough. But we also expect some Republican senators to ask some tough questions too. Just kidding. We normally would but they’ve been gone for a long time.

More: The Hill

Cancel Dinner

This Friday, the beltway media are going to go through with the rescheduled White House correspondents dinner for Trump. It boggles the fucking mind. So about 500 reporters wrote a letter to the association asking them to do the right thing and confront Trump about his attacks on the free press. It’s a nice thought, but we know it ain’t gonna happen. In fact, we’re guessing they will fall all over themselves to kiss his ass after the chaos at the last dinner. America desperately needs a press corps right now. Instead we’re stuck with glorified groupies.

More: The Wrap

Today’s clips

WASHINGTON — A federal appeals court has rejected a request by Joe Biden to block the release of audio recordings and transcripts of his interviews with a memoir ghostwriter before he was elected president. More: NBC News

LUVERNE, Minn. (AP) — Crossing the open farmland of southwestern Minnesota, you’ll encounter an otherworldly sight: a massive head with a beard, mustache and red-striped top hat looming over the horizon.

Pull into the small town of Luverne and the figure — a nearly 66-foot (20-meter) tall nutcracker, decked out like Uncle Sam — comes into full view. More: AP

COLUMBIA, S.C. (AP) — Democrats could vote as early as this week on the order of their primary calendar for the 2028 presidential election, although the decision wouldn’t be final until the full Democratic National Committee agrees. More: AP

NEW ORLEANS (AP) — Tropical Storm Bertha strengthened in the Gulf of Mexico and was moving slowly toward the Florida Panhandle and Alabama, causing a tropical storm warning and storm surge watches, forecasters said. More: AP

WASHINGTON – Barely a week after Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) unexpectedly died, Senate Republican leaders will vote as soon as Tuesday to confirm a judicial nominee who once called the late senator “a weak-ass $$&&!” More: HuffPost