Today’s Big Stuff 8.2.24 | Republicans hate kids

Happy Friday! There are 95 days until the general election. Republicans hate kids (and JD misses work), Trump sure seems corrupt and holy cow VP Harris sure raised a crapload of money.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. We’ve given it detention, but it just keeps cussing.

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! Congratulations on making it to the weekend. You did great this week, and we’re damn proud of you. We’re also super proud of Vice President Kamala Harris who is kicking so much orange ass that her opponent had a racist meltdown. And now we turn our attention to the big announcement as the Veepstakes is coming to a close.

We don’t know about y’all, but we have enjoyed the hell out of this process. It’s been so great getting to know folks like Tim Walz and Andy Beshear and Josh Shapiro and watching guys like Pete Buttiegieg and Mark Kelly cook. With Gretchen Whitmer’s name in the mix, we’ve been repeatedly reminded that Democrats have a deep bench and a bright future, especially with Harris leading the way. 

It’s even sweeter when you compare it to the dipshit collection Republicans have sitting on the shelf for whenever Trump is no longer in the picture because he did or did not shit himself into oblivion. After him, they’ve basically got Don Jr.’s flailing hands, JD Vance’s Diet Mountain Dew bullshit, the guy who smeared his crap on the Capitol walls and whatever is left of Marco Rubio’s wimp ass. It’s almost like cool and decent people don’t want to be Republicans. Wonder why. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We got a pretty weak jobs report this morning. It’s the weakest one since Joey Jobs has been in office. Why? Well a Republican Trump official is running the Federal Reserve and he’s been dragging his feet on cutting interest rates and so the labor market is cooling down. You can always count on some Trump scum to screw things up. More: Axios

Note three: LOLOL! The extreme right weirdos are fighting with each other again as killer dork Kyle Rittenhouse announces he no longer supports Trump. Um, we don’t want him either. More: BBC

Note four: Was anyone else just straight up sobbing seeing those hostages reunited with their families at Andrews last night? And seeing President Biden and Vice President Harris hugging them really just sent us over the edge. It’s nice to have presidents and vice presidents who deliver for the American people instead of just talking and fucking things up. More: Sam and Adam, The Alt Media

Note five: Seriously tell us this doesn’t give you all the feels…

Note six: Trump went on Fox News this morning and again ducked debating VP Harris. What a cowardly gutless chickenshit wimp. We look forward to reminding him of that for the next 95 days. More: NO LINK BECAUSE IT’S FOX

Note seven: Trump was late to the NABJ conference because he was fighting with them over live fact-checking. They had expected him to cancel when he walked onto the stage. Maybe eight years in journalists should know who the hell they’re dealing with and start acting accordingly. More: Axios

Note eight: Elon Musk is collecting voter data. Don’t be alarmed that the weirdo freak show who wants to put a chip in your brain and cure the woke mind virus is also harvesting data to steal our elections. More: CNBC

Note nine: Holy freaking shit there’s going to be a Britney Spears biopic and Jon M. Chu (Crazy Rich Asians, Wicked) is going to direct. Is it Christmas? Because it feels like Christmas. More: Variety

Note 10: Simone Biles was already the GOATest of GOATs. And then she took a shot at Trump. This is the America we love!

Note 11: Btw, yesterday the weirdo right-wingers tried to ruin the Olympics by bringing their transphobia bullshit along. Here’s a tip — if you’re watching the Olympics just to study the genitals of the athletes, you’re a weird creepy asshole and there are good reasons no one likes you. Can these freaks please go back to boycotting the games please? More: The Bulwark

Note 12: Just a little reminder that Steve Bannon is still in prison and Henry Kissinger is still dead. 

Note 13: Trump lost yet another appeal over his gag order in New York yesterday. What a loser. More: CNN

Note 14: We freaking love this. There’s a new group called Deadheads for Kamala. Fun fact — Sam is so old he saw the Dead when Jerry Garcia was still alive. More: The Hill

Note 15: Here’s yet another shocking reminder of what a weird fascist Jolly Dickface (JD) Vance really is… More: Spectrum1 News

Note 16: The chairman of the House Freedom Caucus officially lost his primary. Bob Good is out. Good. More: Associated Press

Note 17: Y’all have to see this video of Maryland Gov. Wes Moore at football practice. Republicans wish they had tough guys like this. 

Note 18: Our dear friend Mary Trump went in on her cousin Eric, and we highly recommend you check it out. Also, Eric Trump sucks hog butt. More: Huff Post

Note 19: Trump Is Conditioning Americans With Authoritarian Statements More: The Alt Media

Note 20: For today’s Happy Ending, we actually had a lot of good stuff to choose from. But we’re going with Keanu and Alex Winter teaming up on Broadway. We’ve been big fans of both of these guys for a very long time, and we are so happy for them. More: The Hollywood Reporter

Note 21: And on that excellent note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had a great week. We sure did. Except for all the asshole racism. But thanks to VP Harris, we’re still smiling and we’re still fighting. Let’s keep it going! Love y’all!

Fuck them kids
For a party that claims to want to protect kids, Republicans sure do spend a lot of time screwing them over. Yesterday, Senate Republicans defeated a child tax credit bill even though Jupiter Dipshit (JD) Vance spent all last week lying about VP Harris opposing the same thing. The best part? Vance didn’t even show up to vote. He was too busy dressing up like a cowboy to play-act at the Southern border. It sure seems like a big deal to us that Republicans lie and hate kids, but we’re not the New York Times. The really shitty thing is that this had already passed a broken House and would have made a real difference in people’s lives. More: CNN 

Whoa that’s corrupt!
The Washington Post is out with a bombshell today that the CIA believed that Trump took $10 million in cash from the Egyptian government in support of his 2016 campaign. They literally took 200 pounds of cash out of a state-run bank in Cairo five days before the 2017 inauguration. Bill Barr stepped in and ended the investigation, and then nobody told Merrick Garland about it. It’s hard to describe just how fucked up this kind of corruption is. It’s even harder to describe how it’s become so goddamn normalized. More: Talking Points Memo

Let’s go!!!
Trump might not know if VP Harris is Black, but he should know she is kicking his orange ass all over the place. Just days after the Trump campaign announced that he had raised $138 million in July, Harris’s campaign announced that they had put that number to shame, bringing in $310 million in July. Whoa!!! They have a total of $377 million right now, two-thirds of that money came from first-time donors and oh yeah she doesn’t have to spend it all on lawyers because she’s not a treasonous rapist. Huge congrats to the VP’s finance team and to all of you for making this happen. Let’s keep kicking ass. More: Huff Post

Today’s clips
In the five years since 23 people were massacred in the racially motivated El Paso, Texas, Walmart mass shooting, the incendiary rhetoric that motivated their murderer has worsened and become normalized, say leaders of anti-hate, immigration and antisemitic groups. More: NBC News

Republican vice presidential nominee JD Vance on Thursday defended Donald Trump’s false comments about Kamala Harris’ racial identity, saying that it was “totally reasonable” for his ticket mate to describe the vice president as someone who “pretends to be somebody different, depending on the audience she’s talking to.” More: CNN