Time to halt Hegseth

Today’s Big Stuff. January 14, 2025.

It’s Tuesday. There are 658 days until the midterm elections. Time to halt Hegseth, the Elon Leon sitch is about to get way worse and Jack Smith sings the truth.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. We don’t know how else to talk about a real fucking asshole like Trump.

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Note: Hey there, Sexy Patriots! How the eff are you today? Well if you’re in California, we know that’s not an easy answer. Not only have you been subjected to a shocking disaster, but you’ve also had to endure endless attacks and bullshit from the America First frauds who don’t seem to actually like this country all that much.

Motherfucker. Because of chodes like that, we thought we’d take the liberty of crafting a letter to Trump, Elon and Mike Johson on behalf of Southern California. We hope you’ll forgive the presumption…

Dear shitheads,

Fuck you. Seriously, fuck you. You don’t want to help California? Fine. Then let us keep our federal taxes and we’ll take care of ourselves. But all your little Red States are gonna be fucked without us because we’re the fifth largest economy in the world and we supply like everything. When North Carolina or Kentucky are drowning, we send money and prayers and celebrity telethons. When we’re on fire, y’all send bullshit, lies and fucking cybertrucks. Who in the hell needs a goddamn cybertruck?! It’s not even an actual fucking truck! And now you dipshits are talking about buying Greenland, but you won’t even take care of the country you’ve already got! If y’all keep this shit up, we’re gonna run off with Canada and be a liberal heaven with great weed and even better maple syrup. So keep fucking with us and see how it goes. Or do your goddamn jobs and help some Americans who are hurting.

Sincerely,

Go Fuck Yourselves

(Have a blessed day, SPs)

Note two: Trump is expected to visit LA next week after The Shittening (his inauguration), which seems like a shitty thing to do to a city that’s been through hell. Maybe he just wants to piss on the ashes. More: NBC News

Note three: Some good-ish news as Rachel Maddow is returning to five nights a week. We doubt she can save that fucking joke of a network, but we’re fans so we’re happy to see her back in action. More: The Hill

Note four: The orange assheaded champion of free speech spent the night threatening Comcast over some jokes Seth Meyers told. So yeah, get ready for it to be illegal to make fun of the president. More: Independent

Note five: This means two things — we need a new karaoke song and Carrie Underwood is trash who can eat shit.

Note six: Southern California is under red flag warnings again as the winds are expected to get intense again. If you pray, pray for LA. More: NPR

Note seven: Yamiche Alcindor, one of the only reporters who seemed to give a shit about truth during the first Trump administration, is heading back to the White House for NBC. So there will be at least one reporter there who won’t spend all her time kissing ass. More: BlueSky

Note eight: As you read the Jack Smith report today, keep in mind that Trump tried again to get “Judge” Aileen Cannon to block its release but this time she said no. More: The Hill

Note nine: Biden canceled student loan debt for more than 5 million Americans. And he got zero fucking credit for it. More: CNBC

Note 10: Holy shit! Look at this Senate Democrat talking like TBS. This is music to our ears!

Note 11: The hack who investigated Hunter Biden released his report last night too. Anyone give a shit? We didn’t think so. More: ABC News

Note 12: Beyonce is postponing her big announcement because of the LA fires. So yeah 2025 is already sucking a big one. More: Hollywood Reporter

Note 13: David Sacks, a Putin-Trump buttlick with lots of money and zero self respect, is supposed to be Trump’s AI czar. But back when Trump was attacking the U.S. Capitol, Sacks was singing a different tune. More: CNN

Note 14: House Oversight Chairman James Comer has a new book coming out and both Bob Woodward and Fox News are saying it’s filled with lies. We can’t wait to not read it. More: The Guardian

Note 15: Well this is pretty fucking upsetting…

Note 16: A bunch of Republican assholes are raising their flags for Trump even though they’re supposed to be lowered for President Carter. We’re not surprised. These freaks always go full staff for orangey. More: Associated Press

Note 17: We’re not real sure what the hell is happening in North Carolina, but we’re hoping for the best and fearing the worst. More: Democracy Docket

Note 18: Trump is going to have a garbage truck at his inauguration. That dumb sonofabitch really doesn’t get how metaphors work, does he? More: Huff Post

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you back to the White House Briefing Room for this cool milestone for our friend April Ryan…

Note 20: And on that impressive note, let’s go do some news! If you’re in California, please know that we are with you and we are thinking of you. And if you’re trying to screw California, please know you can fuck right off. Love y’all!

P.S. If you have not signed the petition to pardon our friend Reality Winner you can do so here: Petition to Pardon Reality Winner

Halt Hegseth!
While we were writing this morning, the Armed Services committee hearing for Pete Hegseth to be SecDef got underway. It was a clusterfuck before it even started. Hegseth refused to meet with most Democratic senators, the FBI didn’t even interview his accuser or his ex-wife and Susan Collins refused to meet with the woman Hegseth allegedly raped. Committee Chairman Roger Wicker tried to dismiss the concerns about Hegseth, but he is refusing to allow more than one round of questioning. Ranking member Sen. Jack Reed, himself a veteran, tore into Hegseth for being unqualified and incompetent while also raising the serious personal issues that surround Hegseth’s drinking and treatment of women. You can see if you’re watching that Hegseth is barely containing his rage. Should be an interesting day. More: New Yorker

No, no, no
TikTok denied yesterday that Chinese officials are considering selling the social media app to Elon Leon, but we’re not sure we believe them. And really, it’s hard to imagine anything worse than a nazi propagandist having control of yet another social media platform. Except this one is apparently going to have an office in the White House complex. Yeah, the New York Times is reporting that Elon Leon and his bullshit DOGE scam will have office space in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building. So that sucks for America. More: CNBC

The one that got away
Around 1 a.m. ET, Jack Smith dropped his report on Trump’s coup attempt. And it’s a doozy. Smith makes clear that Trump was getting convicted if he hadn’t won reelection. He lays out some shocking details about Trump’s crimes and makes clear that orange fuck should be headed for the big house and not the White House. And while it might make us all sick to our goddamn stomachs that shithead got away with this crime against our country, this is an important document as we spend the next few years defending truth against the scum who want to rewrite history. Thank you to Smith and his team for doing the hard work and taking on a criminal. It’s not their fault he got away with it. More: The Hill

Today’s clips
Hamas has accepted a draft agreement for a ceasefire in the Gaza Strip and the release of dozens of hostages, two officials involved in the talks said Tuesday. Mediator Qatar said the negotiations were at the “closest point” yet to sealing a deal. More: Huff Post

Rashida Jones, the president of MSNBC, announced Tuesday that she is stepping down after four years of steering the cable news network. More: NBC News