The new overlords

It’s Wednesday. There are 657 days until the midterm elections. Predator Pete is getting confirmed, House Democrats show some guts and the oligarchy takes its seat by Trump.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. How the fuck isn’t everyone these days?

Note: Hello, Sexy Patriots, and welcome to the funeral. No, not for America, though we’re not ruling anything out. No, this funeral is for the High Road. That motherfucker is deader than a doornail or at least very out of service. It’s not that the amazing Michelle Obama wasn’t right about going high. It’s just that she overestimated Americans’ sense of decency. So now it’s time to go low. Or at least stop fucking around…

Woooooooo. We are not proud of how much we were rooting for Rep. Crockett to drag Mace outside and hit her with a trash can like in the Godfather and Harlem Nights. That said, we are anti-violence, and we don’t want to be a shithole country. But goddamnit it’s time to start getting as nasty as the deranged dumbshits we’re up against. And that means the Democratic Party is gonna have to stop clutching its pearls and start embracing unconventional battlers like this here cussing newsletter.

The American people don’t give a fuck what Ben Franklin said about anything and they sure as shit don’t care that Joe Biden is friends with Mitch McConnell. They don’t care about new jobs or infrastructure. They want pro wrestling. They want theatrics. They want someone to hit someone with a chair. And while this all sucks for American society, it’s right up our alley. So let’s hit the road — the low road — and start getting nasty with some fascist fucks. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Also, all the love in the world to Mrs. Obama who is doing the right thing and refusing to sit there freezing her ass off while a limp-dick dictator gets inaugurated. Why aren’t other Democrats doing the same thing? More: ABC

Note three: We’ll get to this in the news section, but Joni Ernst is human garbage. More: NBC

Note four: Speaking of human garbage, Trump attorney and 2020 election denier Pam Bondi is having her confirmation hearing today. She is STILL lying about the 2020 election. Seems disqualifying to us but what the hell do we know? More: MSNBC

Note five: Liddle Marco is having his hearing today too. Hope someone remembered to bring a booster seat and some self-respect. More: The Hill

Note six: We want to applaud Senate Democrats for their spirit yesterday in the Hegseth hearing. The execution wasn’t always there — they have to start thinking in terms of easily clippable comments and exchanges — but we sure appreciated seeing the fight. Also, Hegseth is a fucking disaster.

Note seven: Diet Coke gave Trump a big honor yesterday. Did you know Diet Coke is made from diseased hog piss? Well that’s what we heard anyway. More: NDTV

Note eight: Remember when Trump said he would end the war in Ukraine while he was still president-elect? Well that was a goddamn lie. More: NOTUS

Note nine: It’s wild watching South Korea be better at democracy than we are. Maybe we should be taking notes. More: AP News

Note 10: Ohio tried to make Brittany Watts a criminal because she had a miscarriage. Now she’s fighting back. Get their ass, ma’am. More: WKBN

Note 11: We have no idea what got into Tim Kaine yesterday but we like it. Also, we’re up against fucking morons…

Note 12: The SEC is suing Elon Leon for lying about his purchase of twitter. Unfortunately, Elon Leon just bought the U.S. government so this probably won’t last. More: NBC

Note 13: Minnesota Republicans tried their own Jan. 6 yesterday. We’re not even kidding. This shit is spreading. More: Mother Jones

Note 14: Trump proposed some new agency yesterday that would do stuff we already have an agency for and it’s so goddamn dumb we don’t want to talk about it anymore. More: CNBC

Note 15: LA made it through another night of high winds, but our hearts continue to be with the city. Also, this message from Weird Al got us all choked up…

Note 16: The state of New Jersey is stockpiling abortion pills before Trump takes office. It’s pretty horrifying they have to do this and also pretty smart. More: ABC

Note 17: Mike Johnson announced yesterday he will raise the flags over the Capitol for The Shittening (the inauguration). Jimmy Carter has been dead for two weeks and he’s still more of a man than little Johnson. More: AP News

Note 18: We never thought we’d say this, but the Village People can fuck off to hell. More: ABC

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we wish a happy birthday to Wikipedia. We never really gave them much thought until Elon Leon declared war on them, and now we realize they’re on of the last few sites on the internet that actually gives a shit about truth. So yeah, happy birthday.

Note 20: And on that celebratory note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are excited to join us on the low road. We’ve been waiting for this for a long time. Love y’all!

This is bad

Yesterday, SecDef nominee Pete Hegseth refused to rule out using the military to shoot protesters at Trump’s command. He failed to have even a basic knowledge of the job he’s been asked to do. And he tried to use Jesus like a human shield to deflect questions about his drinking and abusive behavior toward women. And that motherfucker is going to get confirmed because sexual assault survivor Joni Ernst is more worried about a goddamn primary challenge than she is about women in the military. Yeah, Ernst is up in 2026 and that’s why she folded. It’s a fucking disgrace, and we can’t begin to describe how terrifying it is that this lunatic will be leading our military.

More: The Atlantic

Well done!

We have to say we were damn impressed to see House Democrats largely band together yesterday to push back against Republicans’ war on trans people. Watching AOC deliver a passionate but common sense argument against letting the government inspect kids’ genitals gave us hope that there are people in this party who are ready to do some real fighting. While the bill passed, all but two Democrats voted against it. There has been a lot of overreaction to the trans issue since the election, and it’s damn good to see our people taking a stand for what’s right and doing it in a way that can win elections.

More: The Independent

The new overlords

So this is pretty fucked up, but the richest assholes on the planet are all gonna be sitting by Trump at The Shittening. Jeff Bezos, Elon Leon and Mark Zuckerberg are all planning to sit together right by Trump at the i-word. Thank goodness this country rejected the elites. Sigh. America is now an oligarchy run by soulless billionaires who see us worker bees. And you can bet your hot ass we will fight against that shit and those evil nerds until our last breath.

More: NBC

Today’s clips

The Food and Drug Administration said Wednesday it’s banning the use of Red No. 3, a synthetic dye that gives food and drinks their bright red cherry color but has been linked to cancer in animals. More: NBC

President Biden is delivering his farewell address to the nation at 8 p.m. Wednesday, five days before he passes the mantle of the presidency to his predecessor and his successor, President-elect Donald Trump. More: CBS

Few Democrats have gotten as much attention for fighting Donald Trump as Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, whose battles with the former and future president during the COVID-19 pandemic first vaulted her onto the national stage. More: HuffPost