Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it didn’t let some Russian asshole pay for its wedding.
Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we hate to break it to you, but it doesn’t seem like America is respected around the world again. We know. We know. We thought for sure that sending a bright orange racist, rapist, dumbfuck gameshow host to insult other countries would make everyone just fall to their knees and praise America. But instead our foreign friends seem to be going the other way…
LOLOLOL!!! Well goddamn, Dublin! That is some first-rate trolling! Salute! Trump spent his weekend in Ireland coming face-to-face with the reality that the whole fucking world hates his wrinkled orange ass, and it was delightful. The president of Ireland even called him out to his face for supporting genocide and starting stupid fucking wars. And it didn’t stop there. Here now is an exclusive interview with Larry the Leprechaun…
Us: Hey Larry!
Larry the Leprechaun: Hey guys! Love the newsletter!
Us: Thanks, buddy. So did you boo Trump too?
Larry: Better. I threw lumps of my little green shit at him. I think Natalie ate one.
Us: Gross. Did Trump see you?
Larry: Unfortunately no. Because I’m as real as his fucking healthcare plan.
Us: Oh. So we just imagined this whole thing. Well that can’t be good.
Yikes. We might need a Monday morning CT scan. Or maybe the real Larry the Leprechaun is the friends we made around the world when they were booing our dumbfuck scumbag president. Thanks for giving him hell, Ireland. We’ll take it from here. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: On Sept. 11, Donald Trump posted his video from Jan. 6. He apparently doesn’t remember doing it. Someone tell Jake Tapper he can put his next book out any fucking time. More: HuffPost
Note three: The Middle East is straight up on fire, and so naturally Trump is blaming Ukraine for rising gas prices. Can you imagine being dumb enough to believe that shit? More: The Hill
Note four: Texas scumfuck Bo French decided to celebrate the college football season by being a racist piece of shit. How racist? Even other Texas Republicans called him out. More: NBC News
Note five: Speaking of a Texan fucking up football, Ted Cruz was on ESPN Gameday this Saturday proving that ESPN really hates the people who watch them. Thanks to the students who channeled how we were all feeling. And fuck ESPN.
Note six: 60 Minutes debuted last night with a kiss-ass propaganda piece featuring Norah O’Donnell kissing Pete Hegseth’s ass. So we are fucking done with 60 Minutes. RIP. More: Yahoo News
Note seven: We don’t want to be two more white assholes piling on Jasmine Crockett, but man how the fuck can someone give an award to serial abuser Chris Brown?! HE FUCKING BEAT UP RIHANNA, MAN!!! More: TMZ
Note eight: Judge Carl Nichols, a Trump appointee, slammed the brakes on Trump’s postal service cheating scheme. Fingers crossed his SCOTUS colleagues agree. More: AP
Note nine: The White House has started going after journalist Aaron Rupar. That’s how you know he’s doing a great job. More: HuffPost
Note 10: We all know that polls are horseshit, bullshit and shit shit, but still…
Note 11: HUGE congrats to Lady Gaga on the birth of her first child! More: HuffPost
Note 12: We weren’t super worried about AI killing us all until Trump said it’s going to be fine. Now we can’t sleep. More: AP, NBC News
Note 13: Thank you to Abdul El-Sayed for calling bullshit on CBS for acting like the Republican National Committee. We need to see this from more of our candidates and elected officials.
Note 14: Oh look. Another Republican had a nazi working for him. But sure let’s talk about a fucking twitch streamer some more. More: The Guardian
Note 15: Another person in Pennsylvania has died from complications from measles. We’re sure our HHS secretary is all over it. Or he’s humping a fire hydrant. It’s probably the fire hydrant thing. More: NBC News
Note 16: Happy birthday to Pope Leo! We’ve really become big fans of this dude. We love the way he actually looks out for the poor and marginalized and makes religious Republicans look like shit. More: AP
Note 17: Don’t sleep on the Kansas U.S. Senate race. Because dirtbag Roger Marhall is having a very hard time right now. LOL.
Note 18: Man, how the fuck are there still primaries happening? Get your shit together, Delaware! More: AP
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re sending HUGE congrats to the U.S. women’s basketball team on winning gold at the FIBA World Cup. These women have had to put up with a lot of extra bullshit this season, so we’re damn glad to see them celebrating and damn grateful they brought home gold.
Note 20: And on that victorious note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had an amazing weekend. Now let’s show our Irish friends that we hate Trump too by winning some goddamn elections. Love y’all!
Russia Russia Russia
We’ve all known for a long time that Donald Trump is compromised by Putin. It’s the most obvious fucking story in American history. And it just became more obvious as ProPublica is reporting that a Russian oligarch with close ties to Putin paid for part of Don Jr.’s recent wedding. Yeah, apparently Putin’s pal even paid for a private island in the Bahamas for his Trump buddies. We watched Republicans drag Hunter Biden through hell over his fucked up life. But Hunter could only dream of corruption like this. This is why we have to win the midterms. So we can haul Junior’s ass up to Capitol Hill and make him answer questions about this treasonous bullshit.
More: ProPublica
But Hasan
The mainstream media really did a mulit-week freakout over a Twitch streamer while Speaker of the House Mike Little Johnson was out there campaigning with literal scum. Johnson has raised money for and campaigned with House candidate Brandon Herrera, who loves Nazi machine guns and calls children “cum trophies.” Jake Tapper, who is a total goddamn wuss, told Johnson that he was surprised to see the speaker campaign with such a dirtbag. We weren’t surprised at all. But only because we’re not total fucking idiots.
More: HuffPost
Don’t Breathe
Trump’s approach to environmentalism has always been to deny climate change while saying that people really just want clean air and water. But now he’s flip-flopped on that second part. Yeah, Trump’s EPA is about to get rid of rules that limit carbon emissions from coal and natural gas plants. So Trump is literally telling the fucking coal industry they can produce as much air pollution as they want. Even for him, that’s pretty messed up. Where the hell are all those MAHA people? Or is coal their new crystal?
More: AP
Today’s clips
Democratic state parties announced Monday that they are launching an operation for the midterm elections they’re calling the “New Battlefield Project,” intended to recruit 10,000 volunteers to guard polling places in case armed federal officers show up. More: AP
A trespasser was reported Friday night at former Vice President Kamala Harris’ home in Malibu, California, law enforcement officials and a Harris spokesperson said. More: AP
WASHINGTON (AP) — A federal judge has ruled that a plan by the Trump administration to slash staffing at the federal agency tasked with responding to disasters by 50% was unlawful. More: AP
Stock futures fell sharply Monday morning, led by tech stocks, after leading artificial intelligence CEOs called for a slowdown in the pace of developing the revolutionary technology. More: NBC News
Another reason has reportedly emerged for the White House’s decision to temporarily ban The Associated Press from covering certain events during the early weeks of Donald Trump’s second term. More: HuffPost
President Donald Trump was perhaps being coy or ignorant on Sunday when he refused to tell a reporter how he uses artificial intelligence. More: HuffPost
The Irish are making it known how the feel about Trump. I'm glad that he's hated around the world.
"President Donald Trump was perhaps being coy or ignorant on Sunday when he refused to tell a reporter how he uses artificial intelligence."
You cannot use the word "intelligence" and still refer to the FatFelon. He thinks all intelligence is artificial and "fake news."