Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And it’s pretty grossed out by the Duffy family.
Note: A Happy Beginning? That’s right, Sexy Patriots! We’re raising the frequency on this fine hump day, and we’re refusing to start with any negative bullshit. We’ll get to that later. But for now, we want to show you the energy that we need, the energy that we love and the energy that has Republicans crapping their underoos…
Oh hell motherfucking yes!!! We don’t even know who he’s talking to or about and we’re still ready to run through a damn wall for this dude. Because he remembers what so many asshole politicians have forgotten — they work for us. It ain’t the other way around. They work for the people. Not themselves. And sure as shit not for Trump. “Down is what you’re going in November.” Zing!
We know there are scary thunderclouds hanging over our hopes this election season. The president has already attempted one coup, so we won’t be shocked when he tries again. But we’re putting our faith in Americans like this town hall hero. He is why Republicans are scared. He is why they’re cheating. And he is why these fuckers are about to hit early retirement. Let’s go!!! Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: We’re planning a therapy session for Friday. Y’all just hang on until then and we’ll work it all out together. Until then, stay sexy.
Note three: Seth Moulton lost to Ed Markey last night. We continue to believe it is stupid politics to shit on your own party. The voters seem to agree with us. More: NBC News
Note four: Remember when fucking couches was the craziest thing JD did? Well now he’s talking about ushering in the apocalypse. At least the couches will be happy. More: HuffPost
Note five: What the fuck are we paying this dude for? To shoot reality shows and creep us the hell out?
Note six: It looks like the real presidents will be going to New York City for the 25th anniversary of 9/11. No wonder Trump is skipping out. More: The Daily Beast
Note seven: Speaking of 9/11, please check out the latest from journalist Garrett Graff, who has become perhaps the best chronicler of what happened that day. More: National Geographic
Note eight: Congrats to Hunter Biden on coming out as bi. We think. Hard to tell with this dude. We sure love his honesty, but he needs to stop shitting on Kamala. It’s gross. More: EW
Note nine: John Fetterman was back on Fox News last night attacking Abdul. Fuck John Fetterman. Fuck him in the ear.
NO GODDAMN LINK
Note 10: Yikes. Let’s all pretend to be shocked that Gym Jordan doesn’t want to protect kids from predators. It’s like he’s getting paid by a pedophile lobbyist.
Note 11: Acting Navy Secretary Hung Cao is a nutjob who has totally wrecked the U.S. Navy. So of course Trump wants him to have the job on a more permanent basis. More: MS Now
Note 12: The House censured GOP creep Chuck Edwards yesterday. They were gonna kick him out but then they remembered they suck. More: AP
Note 13: Scott Bessent is coming unglued. We have no idea who is impressed by this arrogant shitstain, but dude is seriously flailing.
Note 14: We’re really digging the way Mark Carney is going after Trump. We just wish he didn’t have to. More: AP
Note 15: His name was Pierre Damas Bel, and he’s dead because of Donald Trump and JD Vance. If the chickenshit media won’t say it, then we will. More: NBC News
Note 16: We don’t know who needs to hear this, but Rahm Emanuel is never gonna be president. You don’t get to cover up the murder of a young Black man and then become the Democratic nominee. More: WTTW
Note 17: We’re gonna be talking in a second about House Democrats who sold us out yesterday. Before we do that, we’d like to remind you how many great members we have. Like Sydney here…
Note 18: Like most women with taste, AOC said she wouldn’t date a conservative. Fox didn’t take it well. More: HuffPost
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’d like to congratulate MapQuest on becoming the number one app in the country. How did they do it? By not being wusses like Google and Apple. Resisting fascist fucks is good for business.
Note 20: And on that market-driven note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week so far. We also hope that you’re ready to kick some politician ass this November. But we know you stay that way. Love y’all!
Traitors
Well this will make you madder than all hell. Yesterday two House Democrats — Jared Golden and Marie Gluesencamp Perez completely sold us out, stabbed Democratic leadership in the back, threw Mike Little Johnson a lifeline and set up shitty votes on socialism and the fucking SAVE Act. Leader Hakeem Jeffries is vowing punishment. While we fucking despise both of these members and hope they fuck off into space, this is also a bad look for leadership. Even Speaker Pelosi was asking how the hell this happened. We’re really gonna need House Democrats to get their fucking shit together because this is unacceptable. Oh and btw, it wasn’t the lefties who did the selling out.
More: The Hill
Texas Poo-Step
Get it? Like two-step but they’re stepping in shit? Well, if you have to explain it… Next week, Trump is having a big Republican convention in Dallas. Or at least it’s supposed to be big. But a lot of Republican candidates are suddenly finding themselves busy that day. According to the beltway buttheads at Politico, 45 out of 70 GOP candidates they contacted aren’t going. Why? Because Trump is radioactive and they all know it. He’s not even letting them use his campaign funds. That’s why a bunch of them are going to the White House tonight — for dinner and ass-kissing. Frankly, we think it’s disloyal of them to skip the president’s convention. They should go and take lots of pictures with him and endorse all his dumbfuck policies. We would really appreciate it.
More: Politico
Lost Little Johnson
One of the really funny and uncovered stories happening right now is that the Republican Speaker of the House is losing what little shit he has left. Mike Little Johnson is doing the media rounds, and it’s not going great. He’s having to lie a lot about not seeing what Trump is doing, and he’s not even remotely believable when he says Republicans are going to hold the House. But watch him snap at CNN’s Manu Raju in this clip. We’d say the pressure is really getting to the little fella…
Today’s clips
DUBAI, United Arab Emirates (AP) — Iran fired on U.S. allies in the Gulf early Wednesday following a night of American bombardment that Iranian officials say included a deadly strike on a wedding party. More: AP
EMPORIA, Kan. (AP) — Adam Hamilton has spent decades trying to bring people to Jesus as founder of the nation’s largest United Methodist church. Now he wants to bring Kansas voters to the polls as the Democratic nominee for U.S. Senate. More: AP
Leading U.S. medical groups are urging people to get updated flu and COVID-19 vaccinations this fall, banding together Wednesday to issue shot guidelines — and highlight the science behind them — saying they hope to ease confusion caused by the Trump administration’s changing advice. More: AP
The U.S. State Department has proposed requiring parents applying for passports for their children to provide proof of their own citizenship or immigration status as part of President Donald Trump’s latest effort to limit birthright citizenship. More: NBC News
Sean Duffy’s wife suggested that President Donald Trump appointed him as transportation secretary because it was the only remaining job. More: HuffPost
Sept 1 (Reuters) - Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelenskyy warned airlines and insurance companies on Tuesday that the presence of Ukrainian drones had made Russian skies dangerous to use and that they were effectively closed. More: HuffPost
A former colleague of mine shared this opinion, and I really agree with it. Tarrant County, Texas, is/was the last red urban county in Texas. The special election earlier this year, where there was a surprise Democrat win, and the large Democrat turnout in the primaries, have scared the GOP, and that is why they are working even harder than usual to suppress votes. Things could happen here in Texas.
Also, I believe the new attack on Talarico is that he had a relationship with his Chief of Staff. Neither was married, and it was consensual. Paxton should not throw any rocks.
BTW, Nolan Wells is still waiting for justice.
Trump claims War Powers Act reset on July 16 so on Sep 14 (60 days later) when they all return (Mitch?) they better shut this illegal war down