Stanky tanks the economy

Happy Friday. There are 459 days until the midterm elections. VP Harris says the system is broken, the Smithsonian erases history and holy crap what a crappy jobs report!

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But at least it never fucked up the economy.

BREAKING:

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! Congratulations on making it through a truly shitty time in American history. We know the constant drumbeat of dumbfuckery and evil is taking its toll on some of y’all, and we are certainly not immune to it ourselves. Hell, half the time we want to kill each other. Or at least maim each other. In a brotherly kinda way. And just when we think we can’t take one more stupid goddamn Trump word or act of cruel idiocy, he goes and does something like this…

Jesus Tap-dancing Christ on a popsicle stick. That one almost did it. That one damn near broke us. But then you know what we did? We said FUCK THIS SHIT. We took a break. We unplugged, we went for a walk and we watched something funny and mindless. Then we came back ready to cuss some weird assholes to hell and back. They want us all to be exhausted and losing our minds. It’s working. That’s why we all have to take a minute when we can and say FUCK THIS SHIT and take a beat.

We know it’s a place of privilege to be able to do this — we aren’t being hunted by ICE, we aren’t being starved in Gaza or Afghanistan or Africa and we aren’t a couch the vice president wants to fuck — but we occasionally have to say FTS. And we highly recommend it for others. This fight is a marathon; not a sprint. And we need your hot asses to run the whole damn thing with us. So take a break when you can, SPs. We’ll be here cussing when you get back. If we’re not saying FUCK THIS SHIT. Y’all have a blessed day. And hang in there.

Note two: A ballroom?! Judging by what we saw from South Park, Trump’s balls already have plenty of room. Zing!

Note three: We’re gonna talk about Trump’s shitty economy in the news section, but we wanted to note that today is tariff day. So it’s another day a total goddamn moron is wrecking our economy. More: CNN

Note four: Republicans are going after Hillary again. And they’re teaming up with Russia to do it. We wish we were kidding. But hey, you gotta make that Epstein shit go away somehow. More: New York Times

Note five: This family deserves answers. We all do.

Note six: Speaking of creepy child rapists, registered sex offender Lawrence Taylor was Trump’s guest at the White House yesterday. So yeah, the president definitely has a type. By the way, we had to link to zombie Newsweek because the rest of the mainstream media didn’t think this was newsworthy. More: Newsweek

Note seven: Big congrats to Trump’s dictator pal in El Salvador, who was just allowed to rule indefinitely. That motherfucker better hope like hell a Democrat never gets in the White House again. More: Associated Press

Note eight: This one flew under the radar, but Democrats “did the math” and Elon Leon’s DOGE shit ended up costing Americans more than $21 billion. We’re starting to think that nazi dumbshit isn’t really a genius. More: HuffPost

Note nine: We are constantly impressed by the election previews that Bolts Mag does. Here they are answering questions about Trump and Texas Republicans’ attempts to cheat like the rats that they are. More: Bolts Mag

Note 10: WHO PUT THAT FUCKING PODIUM THERE?!

Note 11: This is good news, but we’d be lying if we said we expected it. According to Gallup, Democrats are back on top in party preference for the first time since 2023. It’s probably because we didn’t shit all over the economy. More: Gallup

Note 12: This is a fun one. Trump attorney and coup plotter Jeffrey Clark has been recommended for disbarment. What a disgrace. We’re sure he’ll be professionally and personally shunned or become Trump’s next Secretary of State. More: Associated Press

Note 13: Elon Leon said that Trump was in the Epstein files. Then Elon Leon gave millions of dollars to Republicans. So Elon Leon is totally cool with Epstein stuff. We are not at all surprised. More: NBC News

Note 14: We’re convinced Charlamagne tha God is a Republican. Or maybe just an idiot. After starring in Trump’s campaign ads, the radio host is now pushing the Bill Clinton-Epstein angle and kissing Lara Trump’s ass. What a gross dude. More: Mediaite

Note 15: People like Howard Nutlick just can’t stop trashing Zohran Mamdani. We consider that another great reason to support Zohran Mamdani.

Note 16: It’s fucking wild that Trump and his team are openly campaigning for the Nobel Peace Prize while death and destruction grip the world. This isn’t even out of touch. This is just straight up goddamn delusional. More: Independent

Note 17: They found some radioactive wasp nest at a nuke facility in South Carolina. Fuck it. Bring ‘em on. More: NBC News

Note 18: We freaking love Bill Burr. We wish he’d take it easy on our party, but it’s worth it to watch him rough up Ben Shapiro. More: Variety

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re just glad it’s Friday. So here’s the Peanuts dancing to the music… More: YouTube

Note 20: And on that Sly note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all have an amazing weekend. Don’t be afraid to unplug and say FUCK THIS SHIT. You deserve it. Love y’all!

Yikes
Vice President Kamala Harris about had us sobbing last night as she appeared on Colbert and explained why she’s not going to run for governor. We know the American political system is busted, but hearing the VP say the system is broken damn near wrecked us. But then we heard her say that she will never stop fighting to fix it. The VP seems to be going through the same shit a lot of us are — questioning the goodness of America while trying to restore it. This is a tough time to love this country. But we gotta keep at it or the crazy weird fuckers win. More: HuffPost

History is history
The Smithsonian removed Trump’s name (twice) from an exhibit on presidential impeachments. You might remember that Donald Trump was impeached twice and even had some of his own party members vote to convict him after he launched a violent attack on the United States Capitol. Because Trump is a North Korean dictator, he has decided to rewrite history, and he and his goons are pressuring the nation’s museums to play along. Apparently they don’t mind doing so. This is all very, very gross and very, very sad. More: The Hill

Stanky tanks the economy
We’ve been wondering since Trump took office if we could trust jobs reports from this administration. But we trust this one because it’s so fucking bad there’s no way Trump would have let it be published if he’d had a choice. Last month, the economy added just 73,000 jobs, which is below the expected 110,000. The unemployment rate ticked up to 4.2 percent. But what’s even worse is that May and June were revised downward bigly. May went from adding 144,000 jobs to adding 19,000 jobs. In June, it went from 147,000 to 14,000. Our friends at Meidas noted that Trump’s economy hemorrhaged manufacturing jobs (26,000 lost in May and June and 11,000 in July), and CNN pointed out that June ended up being the worst month for jobs since December 2020 when fuckhead was president last time. This is a goddamn disaster for Trump and his policies, oh and the American people. This country probably shouldn’t have elected the dumbass who had the worst jobs record since Herbert Hoover. More: CNBC

Today’s clips
The liberal mayor of Hungary's capital was questioned by police Friday over accusations of helping organize an LGBTQ Pride event that the country's right-wing populist government had sought to ban. More: NBC News

Virginia Giuffre, the woman who survived years of Jeffrey Epstein's abuse and died by suicide this year, wanted the so-called Epstein files released, her siblings said. More: NBC News

Strong rain storms lashed the East Coast Thursday, delaying flights throughout the region and prompting emergency rescues of motorists trapped in deep water on busy highways from the Philadelphia area to New York City. More: HuffPost

President Donald Trump fired off a missive against Sen. Susan Collins (R-ME) on Thursday night, instructing her Republican colleagues to “vote the exact opposite.” More: Mediaite

Candace Owens continued her attempts to rehabilitate former Hollywood producer and convicted sex offender Harvey Weinstein on Wednesday, publishing a second softball interview with Weinstein where she suggested he had been “set up.” More: Mediaite

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