Schumer’s dirty mouth

Happy Friday. There are 410 days until the midterm elections. The brain worm guy is gonna kill a lot of kids, another fascist firing and the First Amendment is on life support.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. We assume that’s where Schumer learned how to do it.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we made it to the weekend. Barely. Because this country is a full diaper sitting on an Alabama highway in the middle of summer. We have an emboldened and unrestrained fascist dumbfuck president who is really enjoying seeing just how much he can get away with, and it is pretty damn unsettling. Things are so bad that Chuck Schumer has started cussing…

Yesssssss, Chuckles. This is the way. Now to be fair, this is only a cuss word in a Bluesky post, so it could have been written by someone else. But we are happy to see that word has finally reached Senate leadership that America is falling and things are royally fucked up. That said, we get the sense that Chuck is new to this so we thought we’d help him out with a few more obscene phrases to use in the right moments…

• When Republicans tell Democrats to pass a clean funding bill, you say “fuck no, you fucking pieces of shit.”

• When Republicans say that will shut down the government, you say “then shut it the fuck down, you fucking pieces of shit.”

• And when Republicans say the American people will blame Democrats for a shutdown, you say “go suck some orange cankle, you fucking pieces of shit.”

We know it’s not the most eloquent way to communicate, but we do think it’s the only thing Trump’s cult of cucks understand. So keep cussing, Chuck. These fuckers deserve it. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We’re actually doing a therapy session today! Please join us at 4:30 ET/1:30 PT where we’ll really do some cussing. And if Brendan Carr wants to shut us down, he’ll have to pull his head out of Trump’s ass first.

Note three: Vanity Fair has hired Olivia Nuzzi as West Coast editor. You might remember Nuzzi as the human garbage who was trashing Biden while sexting RFK Jr. If Vanity Fair wants to be a goddamn joke, then we can help by never linking to them again. Disgraceful. More: Splinter

Note four: While Schumer is learning to use dirty words, there are Democrats out there in the streets doing the thing. Thank you to Illinois congressional candidate Kat Abughazaleh for taking a real stand.

Note five: And thank you to Brad Lander and the other New York Democrats who got themselves arrested yesterday trying to enter an ICE facility. This is the kind of action we need. More: Wired

Note six: And while those brave Democrats were putting themselves on the line, shithead Jay Jacobs, the goddamn chairman of the goddamn New York Democratic Party, said he is refusing to endorse Zohran Mandani. Who the hell does this asshole think he is to ignore Democratic voters?! It’s bad enough this dumbshit cost us U.S. House seats in the past, but this is beyond the pale. Resign, asshole! More: The Hill

Note seven: Your boycotts and calls seem to be working. There are reports that Disney wants to put Kimmel back on the air but they can’t figure out how. Our advice is to stop being pussies and let him do his fucking job. More: CNN

Note eight: Thank you to Colbert and Stewart and Meyers and even Jimmy Fallon’s bitch ass for standing with Kimmel. More: HuffPost

Note nine: The FCC’s Brendan Carr yesterday threatened to go after The View next. His threats worked. They didn’t even mention Kimmel. America, baby. More: Hollywood Reporter

Note 10: Thank you to David Letterman for speaking out. It takes him a while to get there, but it’s way better than Leno’s butt-smooching bullshit.

Note 11: LOL! Trump got asked about his shitty polling on the economy by his fans at Fox News, and it didn’t go great. The good news is the economy is going to be doing great in a year. More: Mediaite

Note 12: It must suck to be one of the reporters who sucks up to Trump all day only to hear him say he doesn’t care if you die in a plane crash. What an asshole. More: HuffPost

Note 13: Remember all the warnings Democrats got about what would happen if we got rid of the filibuster to protect abortion and voting rights? Well Republicans are doing it and the media don’t give a shit. More: NBC News

Note 14: Cankles said he wants the Bagram base in Afghanistan back. Yeah, genius, go back into Afghanistan. We dare you. More: HuffPost

Note 15: Thank you Eric Swalwell for this. The hat is a nice touch, but we want to hear more Democrats warn Republicans about what’s coming.

Note 16: Even Joe Rogan is creeped out by Trump’s birthday note to Epstein. And that guy’s a creep! More: HuffPost

Note 17: Hey has anyone seen those people who used to bitch and moan about academic freedom? Because we could really use some of that right now. More: NBC News

Note 18: Axios has a story that says AOC is gearing up to run for either Senate or president in 2028. We think that’s great news, but it was written by Alex Thompson so who knows if it’s true or total bullshit. More: Mediaite

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, well, it’s been a rough week. So here’s a video of some adorable penguins dancing on the beach.

Note 20: And on that heart-warming note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all have a chill weekend. Or we hope you’re in the streets raising hell. Either way, we love y’all.

Secretary Serial Killer
So RFK Jr. really likes killing kids. Like it’s shocking. He’s basically Mengele if Mengele worked out in blue jeans. Yesterday the brain worm butthead and his gang of oddballs recommended that vaccines for kids be spread out instead of delivered in one shot. There is zero scientific reasoning behind this, but there is a good chance it will lead to a rebirth of some childhood diseases and kill lots of kids. We think it’s bad that this group of freaks and kooks don’t give a shit about the lives of American kids. Is that controversial to say? More: Politico

The king is displeased
According to reports that broke last night, Trump is preparing to fire a U.S. attorney that he appointed in May because the dude can’t find any evidence to charge Letitia James with a crime. In fact, dude keeps finding evidence that she didn’t do anything wrong. So Trump is very angry and he’s going to fire this attorney and go find one who doesn’t give a shit about losing in court. Trump wants headlines that James has been charged so people will think his 34 felony convictions are bullshit. Yeah, he’s so fucking innocent that he’s destroying the American legal system to prove it. More: Yahoo News

Speak up — while you can
Trump and his attack dog Brendan Carr were not at all chastened by the blowback over Kimmel, and they are making it quite clear they want to go after every broadcaster who criticizes Trump. It’s a pretty goddamn chilling time in America. Carr has been making the tv rounds to do a victory lap and warn that he’s not done. And Trump told reporters on Air Force One that “you’re not allowed” to criticize him every night. We call bullshit. You are abso-fucking-lutely allowed to criticize the president of the United States every night, every day and every goddamn motherfucking minute of every goddamn motherfucking day if you like.

Today’s clips
President Donald Trump on Thursday floated the possibility that TV broadcasters could lose their federal licenses over what he perceives as negative coverage of him, a day after Disney’s ABC yanked “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” off the air. More: NBC News

The Republican-controlled House on Friday passed a stopgap bill to fund the government until just before Thanksgiving, daring Democrats in the Senate to reject the measure and risk a shutdown at the end of this month. More: NBC News

Kamala Harris’s forthcoming memoir is less a campaign diary than a political reckoning, laying bare her frustrations with top Democrats who hesitated to back her or fell short as potential running mates. More: Mediaite

Bad Bunny, the superstar rapper who has taunted President Donald Trump, will kick off the new season of “Saturday Night Live” as its host on Oct. 4, the show announced Thursday. The musical guest will be Doja Cat. More: HuffPost

Estonia summoned a Russian diplomat to protest after three Russian fighter aircraft entered its airspace without permission Friday and stayed there for 12 minutes, the Foreign Ministry said, just over a week after NATO planes downed Russian drones over Poland and heightened fears that the war in Ukraine could spill over. More: The Hill

President Trump slammed Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) and Somalia on Thursday, a day after a resolution to formally reprimand the Minnesota Democrat and remove her from committee assignments failed in the House. More: The Hill