Salute this, Tony

It’s Wednesday. There are 300 days until the midterm elections. Hilton can to to hell, the White House blames the cops for Jan. 6 and one year since L.A. burned.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And it picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

Note: Sexy Patriots! We’re so sorry that this year is starting off so shitty and dumb. We’re even more sorry that we have to start off today’s newsletter with an obituary. But CBS died an ugly death, and we’ve come to bury it…

What the effing fuck is this dumb embarrassing shit? You salute him?! Why not just blow him? It’s been obvious from the jump that Blowjob Tony is only in that seat because he will kiss orange ass like he’s married to it and it just got back from war. But goddamn this is fucking pathetic. Wipe your mouth, Tony!

And it gets worse. Not only did CBS spend the night fluffing Liddle Marco’s liddle weenus, but they also gave us less than 30 seconds of a both-sides report on Jan. 6. So CBS is fucking dead. Deader than disco. If it had died of autoerotic asphyxiation, that would have been a more dignified way to go than what we’re seeing. And we thought we’d take this occasion to invite the Ellisons, Bari Weiss and Blowjob Tony to kiss our asses, eat shit and go to hell. Salute our taints, Tony.

Who knew the American people and our media were such simps? If we want to be great again, maybe we should start having some goddamn pride again. Or just keep blowing that idiot old man. Y’all have a blessed day. More: HuffPost

Note two: Did y’all miss yesterday’s therapy session? It was a good one, and we sure as hell needed it. Watch and comment on YouTube here or Substack here:

Note three: Just a little reminder that Donald Trump, who supplied girls from Mar-a-Lago to Epstein, is in violation of the law requiring full release of the Epstein files. This is probably why we’re going to war with the rest of the world. More: Democracy Docket

Note four: The mainstream media is slowly starting to figure out that Elon Leon is running a nazi child porn AI bot that undresses women and kids without consent. Maybe our party should start branding this freak as the child predator he is. Or maybe Schumer can kiss his ass some more. More: Associated Press

Note five: Tennessee George Santos says the U.S. is a “predator.” Yeah, dude, we fucking know.

Note six: Might be some fireworks in the Senate today. Mark Kelly is sick and goddamn tired of Passed Out Pete Hegseth’s bullshit and appears ready to call him out to his plastic face. Git his ass, Mark! More: The Guardian

Note seven: Tennessee Gov. Bill Lee really, really hates the kids in his state. Why is it that Republicans are always either fucking kids or fucking kids over? Sick freaks. More: Tennessee Lookout

Note eight: Conan O’Brien says comedians who are just “F Trump” are just “angry” and “screaming.” We like this dude, but F Conan. If you’re not screaming and angry, then you’re part of the goddamn problem. More: Mediaite

Note nine: This one will make you smile. A professor in Tennessee was fired for making a comment after Charlie Kirk was killed. The prof sued, got his job back and $500,000. America, baby! More: Mediaite

Note 10: THANK YOU, TED LIEU, FOR SAYING IT STRAIGHT!

Note 11: Trump is trying to rob Blue States of their own money. Governors need to start thinking about ways to withhold federal tax dollars from going to Washington. It’s our fucking money. Not Trump’s. More: Axios

Note 12: Speaking of treating other people’s money as his own, Trump announced last night he has seized Venezuelan oil that will be sold and the money will be “controlled” by him. So yeah, we’re just the Soviet Union with Taco Bell. More: USA Today

Note 13: Katie Miller says her kids aren’t vaccinated and could eat dirt. We just assumed Stephen Miller’s child would subsist off rodent blood and the bones of angels.

Note 14: Warner Bros. once against told Trump’s buttlicks at Paramount to take a hike. We never thought we could root for Netflix so hard. More: NBC News

Note 15: We talk a lot of shit about Senate Democrats, mostly because they deserve it. But damn if Elizabeth Warren isn’t out there every damn day showing us how it’s done. More: Politico

Note 16: Famed traitor Aldrich Ames has died. This piece of shit was really ahead of his time. He could be chair of the RNC these days. More: CNN

Note 17: Seriously. How the effing fuck is this not a national scandal?!

Note 18: Congratulations to Virginia Democrats, who won two special elections last night. THIS is how we start 2026. More: Virginia Mercury

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re taking you to Colorado, where news anchor Kyle Clark shows CBS’s Blowjob Tony how it’s done…

Note 20: And on that note of moral clarity, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a good-to-fair week so far. Unless you’re CBS. Then you can eat all the shit. Love y’all!

Go to hell, Hilton
Like a lot of people on social media, we thought we’d found a new go-to hotel chain when we heard there was a Hampton Inn in Minnesota that was refusing to rent rooms to ICE scum. Unfortunately, Hilton folded like some wimps after the extreme right went online and declared war on them. The thing is this Hampton Inn is privately owned. It’s a franchise. And by the way, there’s a whole fucking Constitutional amendment in the Bill of Rights about not having to quarter fucking troops. Anyway, companies who do the right things will get our money. Companies that bend the knee will not. More: HuffPost

Goddamn liars
Yesterday the White House commemorated the five-year anniversary of Donald Trump’s attack on America by lying about it. They put up a website with a bullshit timeline that blamed the cops for raising tensions, that blamed Mike Pence for not delaying certification, that blamed Speaker Pelosi. They singled out the officer who killed Ashli Babbit and attacked him. They lied and said no cops died. Even for Trump scum, it was a display so despicable that it took our breath away. It will forever be to this dumb country’s shame that we let this disgusting piece of shit attack our country, get away with it and then lie to us about it. Fuck him and fuck anyone who believes his bullshit. More: MS NOW

One year later
A year ago today, Los Angeles burned. And it wasn’t because the city wasn’t allowing water to flow down from the Northwest. Only a fucking idiot would think that. Since the fires, Trump has gone out of his way to torture the City of Angels, refusing aid and instead sending a small army of thugs to terrorize the people who live there. Rebuilding has been slow to nonexistent. It has been a hard year, but L.A. is still standing. With no help from the president of the United States. Angeleons, we love you and we hope your 2026 is a helluva lot better than your 2025. More: NBC News

Today’s clips
The Kennedy Center’s president has taken aim at yet another musician who canceled a performance at the Washington, D.C., performing arts center. More: Independent

President Donald Trump went on a rant about the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) Wednesday morning, suggesting Russia and China “HAVE ZERO FEAR OF NATO” without U.S. involvement. More: HuffPost

Allies including France and Germany are working closely on a plan on how to respond should the United States act on its threat to take over Greenland, as Europe seeks to address U.S. President Donald Trump’s ambitions in the region. More: HuffPost

The Pentagon will undergo a review of women in ground combat roles, aiming to ensure what it calls military “effectiveness,” amid ongoing anti-DEI efforts within the armed forces. More: The Independent

A federal judge Tuesday ordered Trump ally Lindsey Halligan to explain why she continues to call herself the U.S. attorney for the Eastern District of Virginia even though another judge determined in November that she had been unlawfully appointed to the position. More: NBC News

Michael Reagan, the eldest son of President Ronald Reagan and a conservative commentator, has died. He was 80. More: NBC News

Abortion will remain legal in Wyoming after the state Supreme Court ruled Tuesday that two laws barring the procedure, including the country’s first explicit ban on abortion pills, violate the state constitution. More: Associated Press