Rethinking book bans

It’s Thursday. There are 460 days until the midterm elections. The Treasury Secretary’s shocking confession, VP Harris says thanks but no thanks and Virginia Giuffre’s family speaks out.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It will stop when Americans stop electing assholes.

Note: Sexiest of Patriots! How the hell are thee? Thou art looking sexier than ever! Why are we talking like this? No good reason. Everything is stupid-upside-down-shitsville, so we’re being a little goofy. We might walk like a crab today. Or wear our underwear over our pants. Hell, we might do something really fucking wacky like buy and read this garbage…

Um how about Fetter-nothanks? Or even better, how about Fetterman Can Go Fuck Himself? The Uncle Fester Story? How I Became Kyrsten Sinema? Making Manchin Look Good? All Hoodie; No Soul? Dressing Like Shit for Shitty People? I’m a Fucking Sell Out Who is Going to Lose My Next Primary Because I Fucking Suck and I Betrayed the People Who Elected Me? Oh we really like that last one.

Needless to say, we don’t give a hairy rat’s ass what ol’ Fettermanchin has to say about anything. And because we were having fun, here are a few other books we won’t be reading (they are not real)...

The Bound Hustler Archives by Ted Cruz (for research purposes wink-wink)

Where Am I? by Rudy Giuliani

Sofa; So Good by JD Vance

My Daddy and Me by Ivanka Trump and Jesse Watters

We Need Answers… And More Crack by Mike Lindell

Hating America and 100 Other Spicy Confessions by Karoline Leavitt

Somebody Please Love Me by Donald J. Trump Jr.

The Epstein Files by Donald J. Trump and Jeffrey Epstein

It’s amazing the shit we do to make ourselves laugh in this hellscape nightmare. So please add yours in the comments! Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell ain’t afraid of Trump. Despite orange asshead’s intimidation visit to the Fed, Powell kept interest rates the same yesterday. We love it when someone — anyone — stands up to Trump. Especially when it makes him lose his shit. More: The Hill

Note three: And don’t expect this fight to go away. Because inflation sure as shit ain’t going away. More: Yahoo

Note four: Republicans are looking to make Democratic members of Congress from Texas extinct. We don’t trust Gavin Newsom as far as we can throw him, but he’s right about fighting back. Every single Democratic governor with a Blue legislature needs to be doing the same. Is it gross? Yep. Do we have to do it? Damn right. More: Texas Tribune

Note five: This was the best video we saw yesterday. Also, it should be bigger news that the president of the United States is a fucking moron who hates windmills.

Note six: Trump is threatening Canada again after the country said yesterday that it would join the U.K. and France in recognizing a Palestinian state. We’re guessing Canadians don’t give a shit. More: CNN

Note seven: Speaking of pushing back on Israel, Senate Democrats are starting to move in a big way. We saw more votes to block arms yesterday than we’ve ever seen before. More: HuffPost

Note eight: A new month starts tomorrow, and that means a new month of elections! Bolts Mag has you covered on what to look for. As always, try not to vote for assholes. More: Bolts Mag

Note nine: Just a reminder that George Santos is in prison. And Henry Kissinger is still dead. See? It’s not all bad news.

Note 10: Josh Hawley actually did the right thing yesterday and voted with Senate Democrats to stop insider trading for members of Congress. But Trump was included in the bill so he attacked Hawley. So what did Hawley do? Same thing he did on Jan. 6 — pissed himself and ran away…

Note 11: Trump spent last night on Truth Social, fantasizing about putting Obama in jail. It’s wild to think that if Obama had just raped and trafficked a bunch of kids, then Trump would want him to remain a free man. More: HuffPost

Note 12: There are a couple of things we don’t know anything about and refuse to learn. The first is someone named Sydney Sweeney and the second is the budding romance between Trudeau and Katy Perry. Sorry, but we just don’t care. More: Politico

Note 13: Trump and his cronies do a lot of gross shit every day. So much gross shit, in fact, that we almost miss some of it. Like this attack on West Point… More: Associated Press

Note 14: Just a reminder that TACO’s stupid fucking tariffs start tomorrow. So get ready for crap to get more expensive. Thanks, Trump! More: NBC News

Note 15: WARNING!!! There is nothing funny about this note. Please be warned it is very hard to watch. VERY hard to watch. Marco Rubio said that nobody died because of Elon Leon and Trump’s cuts. This journalism shows that to be a disgusting goddamn lie.

Note 16: Ford lost money because of Trump’s tariffs. Is this how we get great again? More: BBC

Note 17: The funniest shit we’ve heard in a while is Scott Jennings claiming to be a journalist. Yeah, he’s also an NBA star and an Oscar winner. More: Mediaite

Note 18: Remember when all those Silicon Valley wusses were telling us we couldn’t stand with Ukraine because Russia might start World War III? Well, someone should check in on them. More: Reuters

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, let us all delight in the endless misery of Alan “I Kept My Underwear On While Getting a Massage at Epstein’s Place” Dershowitz. That dude sucks, and he seems constantly shocked to learn that. Eat shit, Alan.

Note 20: And on that satisfying note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week. If not, hopefully today’s Therapy Session will help. Or just make up some book titles for weird assholes. It made us laugh. Love y’all!

Backdoor is right
Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent let the cat out of the bag yesterday when he said that part of Trump’s Big Bullshit Bill will allow for privatizing social security down the road. Oops! It was such a fuck up that Bessent was back on CNBC this morning trying to walk it back by attacking Democrats. But he literally said that Trump’s savings accounts for kids are a “backdoor for privatizing social security.” Democrats didn’t make him say that. He just said it. Because that’s what he and the Republican Party have always wanted to do. We heard you, Scott. No take-backs, fuckhead. More: Associated Press

We get it
Vice President Kamala Harris was back in the news yesterday as she announced that she will not be running to be governor of California. We’re disappointed, but we sure get it. Democrats have a great field in the Golden State, and we’re excited to see who they nominate. We’re also excited for VP Harris who gets to continue living her own life without dealing with a bunch of racist, sexist pig-fucking shitheads. The VP also announced she’ll be dropping a book about her presidential campaign, and we’re damn eager to read it. More: NBC News, The Guardian

Hear them
Virginia Giuffre’s family is pretty damn upset. And understandably so. After all, this week the president of the United States refused to rule out pardoning the monster who raped and trafficked Giuffre, and then referred to her as property who Jeffrey Epstein “stole” from him. The family put out a statement last night blasting Trump’s word choice and pleading with him to not pardon the “monster who deserves to rot in prison for the rest of her life.” This really should be a career-ending scandal for Trump, so you can see why Jake Tapper spent yesterday asking Pelosi about stock trading. Our hearts break for that poor family. They’ve already been through so much, and now Trump is making it all so much worse. We are damn grateful to them for speaking out and asking questions that we need answers to. More: BBC

Today’s clips
The hunger crisis in Gaza under Israel’s assault has reached a “tipping point,” experts and advocates tell NBC News, with deaths expected to soar if Palestinians do not get urgent relief. More: NBC News

President Donald Trump celebrated another multimillion dollar settlement with an Ivy League school on Thursday. More: Mediaite

Republicans are increasingly bullish they can whittle away at the Voting Rights Act (VRA) as Democrats renew a long-shot effort to broaden the landmark law that turns 60 next week. More: The Hill

President Donald Trump slapped higher trade duties on India on Wednesday and offered a reprieve to two others — his latest trade war declarations in what has become a cornerstone of his second administration. More: NBC News