Republicans rob from the poor

It’s Wednesday. There are 531 days until the midterm elections. Tulsi cooks the books, Trump’s next blackmail target and Republicans rob from the poor.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But at least it’s not wasting your money on a goddamn golden dome.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you’re halfway through the work week. The bad news is your government is dumber than dogshit. This isn’t even us being snarky or mean. They dumb. Like real dumb. Still not sure? Well check this out…

Yiiiiikes. Are these idiots taking their oath of office on a fucking Denny’s placemat? It actually got worse after that clip. Here’s the transcript…

Hassan: Mrs. Noem, are you telling me you’re so shit-for-brains stupid that you don’t know what habeas corpus is?

Noem: Oh, Habeas Corpus. I thought you said Iglesias Norpus. But yeah I definitely know Habeas Corpus. He owes me money.

Hassan: I’m sorry what now?

Noem: Yeah, everyone knows ol’ Habeas Corpus. He hangs out with Johnny Constitution.

Hassan: Are you high?

Noem: Long live Senor Corpus! I’m off to shoot some dogs.

Sigh. It ain’t great that the dumbshits in charge of defending the constitution don’t have the first fucking clue what’s in it. Oh well. How many rights do we get on a Denny’s placemat? Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: RIP to U.S. Rep. Gerry Connolly, who died from cancer last night. This is the third Democratic member of the House to die this year. More: HuffPost

Note three: Since we’re starting with obituaries today, RIP to George Wendt. We are HUGE Cheers fans around here. We also love Fletch. More: Hollywood Reporter

Note four: Congrats to Philly DA Larry Krasner. That man has had to put up with more shit, but he just keeps working and getting results. More: WHYY News, Follow Larry Krasner on BlueSky

Note five: How sleazy is Jake Tapper? Well yesterday he went on Megyn Kelly’s show where he confessed to calling Lara Trump to tell her she was right to make fun of Joe Biden’s speech. So pretty fucking sleazy.

Note six: Well this is hilarious. Jalopy Diseasecrotch (JD) Vance endorsed his loser brother in the Cincinnati mayoral race. And then he didn’t vote. Hey it’s not his fault he got stuck in a couch that day. More (Paywall): Cincinnati Enquirer

Note seven: Elon Leon Melvin Musk is on his farewell tour, whining about how everyone hates him and how he’s totally not a nazi. Boo-hoo. But here’s the thing — we don’t think he’s really leaving. And even if he does, we’ll still be stuck with his corruption and his stooges. He’s like America’s skidmark. More: The Hill

Note eight: Speaking of Elon Leon Douchebag, he got even more of our money yesterday when Trump announced that his Big Beautiful Bullshit Bill is going to contain a big ol’ bag of cash for Elon Leon and that stupid goddamn golden dome. But we don’t have money for healthcare. More: The Independent

Note nine: Elon Leon also attacked a woman journalist, telling her that talking to her is like talking to a computer. Well we can’t all have your sparkling personality, freakshow. More: The Hill

Note 10: How badly has Trump fucked up FEMA? Even Josh Hawley is publicly begging for help for his state. If only we had some kind of press corps that could ask Trump why the fuck he’s not doing his job.

Note 11: If you aren’t already having a panic attack kind of day, then maybe don’t read this NPR story with the headline “Diseases are spreading. The CDC isn’t warning the public like it was months ago.” More: NPR

Note 12: Speaking of diseases, the FDA is now going to try and stop us from getting covid boosters. So we’ll be going to Mexico to get them. Are we great again or what? More: CNBC

Note 13: Spike Lee talked a little shit about Trump. We freaking love it. We’re also excited to see his new movie. More: IMDB

Note 14: The administration is now ignoring court orders and flying migrants to South Sudan. In response, Tapper is going to do another 17 hours on Biden’s health. More: Associated Press

Note 15: We continue to stand with Rep. LaMonica McIver. Fuck Trump.

Note 16: Yesterday we encouraged folks to unfollow Tapper on Bluesky. He’s lost 10,000 followers since then. LOL.

Note 17: Congratulations to Democrat Sam Sutton on winning a New York state senate seat last night in a district that Trump overwhelmingly won last November. People are pissed, y’all. More: The Hill

Note 18: Reuters has Trump’s approval rating dropping to a low of 42 percent. That’s still way too fucking high. More: Reuters

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we needed more George Wendt. So here’s every time Norm entered Cheers. Because it’s a dog-eat-dog world and we’re wearing milkbone underwear.

Note 20: And on that note where everybody knows your name, let’s go do some news! We hope y’all are making it through the week ok. And if not, just call Habeas Corpus. He always cheers us up. Love y’all!

More yellowcake uranium
It’s a pretty bad thing when the intel community gets caught cooking intel to justify illegal actions by the White House. We spent years as a country dealing with the fallout from when George W. Bush’s team lied about WMD in Iraq. So it really sucks that they’re back at it. Joe Kent, the Proud Boy-loving former congressional candidate and top lieutenant to Tulsi Gabbard, was busted messing with the intel over the Venezuelan government’s lack of connection to a gang Trump has targeted. Their top worry was protecting Trump. Tulsi even fired the analysts who told the truth. This is very, very bad and exactly what we said would happen with Tulsi in charge. The good news is that there are still some patriots on the inside who are leaking this horrible and illegal behavior. More: CBC News

No Cuomo
We’ve been screaming until we’re hoarse that New Yorkers will be making a huge fucking mistake if they elect Cuomo as mayor again. Well that mistake just got even worse now that the Trump DOJ is going after Cuomo after covid stuff. It’s quite obvious that Trump wants a puppet mayor of NYC so he can control the city. So once again, we are begging New Yorkers DO NOT ELECT CUOMO AGAIN PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. More: Yahoo

Reverse Robin Hood
The House of Representatives has been debating Trump’s Big Beautiful Bullshit, and it’s even worse than we thought. The Congressional Budget Office scored the bill yesterday and revealed that it would literally take from the poorest 10 percent and give to the richest 10 percent. People earning less than $20,000 a year would be totally fucked. Oh and it adds $2.3 trillion to the deficit. This bill is pure fucking evil, and we’re betting the Republican Party will approve it. More: USA Today

Today’s clips
Without waiting for Washington, the European Union and Britain announced a new raft of sanctions against Russia on Tuesday, less than 24 hours after President Donald Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin exchanged a friendly, if fruitless, phone call about ending the war in Ukraine. More: NBC News

Sales at Target fell more than expected in the first quarter, and the retailer warned they will slip for all of 2025 year as its customers, worried over the impact of tariffs and the economy, pull back on spending. More: HuffPost

Louis Prevost — the self-described “MAGA-type” older brother of new Pope Leo XIV — and his wife, Deborah, met Tuesday with President Donald Trump and Vice President JD Vance at the White House. More: HuffPost

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