‘Not Even A Little Bit’

It’s Wednesday. There are 174 days until the midterm elections. RIP to a brave trailblazer, the corruption crew lands in China and America threw away its democracy and all it got were higher prices.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s the only way to cover Trump accurately.

Note: Ya know, Sexy Patriots, we can be a bit old fashioned. We open doors for people, we use “ma’am” and “sir” and we still think the words of the president of the United States should matter. Crazy, right? So we think it should be a HUGE FUCKING DEAL that Dumbshit said this yesterday…

Sonofabitch. If he’d talked another five minutes, he would have confessed to all of the Epstein crimes and kidnapping the Lindbergh baby. Seriously?! Is he worried about Americans’ financial situations? “NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT!” How the fuck is this guy president? If you don’t mind, we’re gonna go off for a second and give this the kind of hysteria that the big papers save for private email servers and baskets of deplorables…

THIS IS A SCANDAL! THIS IS A GAFFE! THIS IS A MASSIVELY FUCKED UP THING FOR THE PRESIDENT TO SAY. REPEATEDLY. AND IT WOULD HAVE DESTROYED EARLIER PRESIDENTS BECAUSE THE PRESS WOULD HAVE BEEN SHOCKED AND HORRIFIED. OBAMA AND BIDEN WOULD NEVER AND COULD NEVER SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT. BUT NEITHER WOULD ANYONE ELSE WHO ISN’T A GREEDY OUT-OF-TOUCH SOCIOPATHIC ASSHOLE. WHERE IS THE FUCKING MEDIA TO TELL THE PEOPLE OF THIS COUNTRY THAT BALLROOM BOY DOESN’T GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT THEM?! GODDAMNIT!

We needed that. America does too. So maybe the New York Times can reprint it. We give them our permission. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Clearly we need some therapy. How about y’all? Does today at 4:00 PM ET/1:00 PM PT work? Ok cool. We’ll see you then.

Note three: We want to thank House Oversight Ranking Member Robert Garcia and the Epstein survivors for testifying publicly in Florida yesterday. They continue to cry for justice while the MSM largely moves on. We’re grateful for their courage and their determination. More: Oversight Democrats

Note four: When Trump isn’t spending our money on ballrooms, arches and bullshit, he’s putting it in his dirty fucking pockets. Again, this kinda thing used to be considered scandalous. More: Independent

Note five: If we seem more cranky than usual this morning, this might be why…

Note six: The Nebraska Senate primary was yesterday and it’s weird. We’ll let these folks try to explain what happened. More: NBC News

Note seven: Chris Van Hollen made Kash crash out yesterday. It was a horrifying performance by the FBI director. And we will say this for the millionth time — Van Hollen should have asked Kash if he’d been drinking that morning. More: HuffPost

Note eight: Mike Little Johnson was on Fox News this morning pretending to give a shit about racism. Meanwhile, his party is about to wipe out a third of the Congressional Black Caucus. More: NBC News

Note nine: South Carolina Republicans actually shocked us yesterday by refusing to draw new maps. Then we found out why. Turns out they’ve already racially gerrymandered their state as much as humanly possible. So yeah, fuck them. More: NBC News

Note 10: This is Mayor Mamdani doing huge things and telling voters about it in a cute and memorable way. Instead of being scared of this guy, Democrats should be taking notes…

Note 11: E. Jean Carroll still hasn’t been paid by the man who raped and defamed her. Because we’re all waiting to see if his buddies on the Supreme Court give him a pass. Which they will because everything sucks. More: NBC News

Note 12: Trump said he knew a guy who could re-do the Reflecting Pool. Now he says he never met the guy. This all seems totally aboveboard. More: The Hill

Note 13: President Obama was in Texas yesterday. Isn’t it nice to see video of a president with children and not have to worry for the kids’ safety?

Note 14: We had missed this but Trump’s endorsed candidate in the California gubernatorial race doesn’t know what a street taco is. If we’re gonna deport anyone, it should be this asshole. And Elon. Definitely Elon. More: The Guardian

Note 15: We sure hate Trump. But we can’t help but love that he’s gonna make his party vote on his fucking ballroom. Have fun, shitheads! More: Associated Press

Note 16: There’s a Republican congressman who has been missing in action for two months and nobody knows why? Normally we’d condemn this kind of thing, but we’re really hoping the other Republicans join him. More: NBC News

Note 17: Rep. Virginia Foxx is an absolute nutter. These folks sure do hate teachers and children.

Note 18: ICE is a lawless organization of violent thugs. And most judges agree with us. More: Politico

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we wanted to follow up on yesterday’s rant about AOC and MTG. This clip of AOC being asked about her presidential aspirations is why we stan. This is how it’s done. But also we sure hope she runs against Schumer.

Note 20: And on that inspirational note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a good week so far. But we understand if you’re not. Unlike the president of the United States, we actually do care about you and your financial situations. And he can fuck all the way off. Love y’all!

Rest easy, sir
This one broke our hearts. Jason Collins, the first openly gay NBA player, died from brain cancer yesterday. He was only 47 years old. He wasn’t just the first openly gay basketball player. He was the first openly gay male athlete in any of the four major sports leagues. Per Dave Zirin, Collins wore number 98 to honor Matthew Shepard. Collins was a real trailblazer. A real hero. A real baller. RIP. More: USA Today

Please keep them!
Trump and his corruption crew have landed in China, where they were greeted by adoring crowds who are probably thrilled by the way Trump is wrecking America and our standing in the world. But Trump didn’t go alone. He also took Elon, Tim Cook and Eric Trump. Oh and Lara Trump for some reason. Our guess is that Trump gives China Taiwan and maybe Delaware and then comes back and tells us how great it went. But we’re holding out hope that they keep him over there. More: Independent, More: MSNOW

He really doesn’t care
Trump lies a lot. But we think he was being honest when he said he doesn’t care about our financial situations. Because that motherfucker hasn’t done shit to curb inflation. In fact, his dumb ass has made it worse. Wholesale inflation jumped 6 percent last month, the biggest jump since 2022. A lot of it is high gas prices, but food is also crazy expensive. Anyway, we had a WHOLE FUCKING PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN about inflation and instead of doing shit about it, we’re getting arches, ballrooms and bullshit. Great job, America. More: CNBC

Today’s clips
NEW YORK (AP) — Senate Democrats plan to force several votes on the Trump administration’s dismantling of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, a maneuver aimed at making vulnerable Republicans take politically difficult votes in an election year. More: Associated Press

BATON ROUGE, La. (AP) — Republican senators in Louisiana advanced a plan Wednesday to eliminate one of two majority-Black, Democratic-held congressional seats following a U.S. Supreme Court ruling that struck down the state’s U.S. House map as an illegal racial gerrymander. More: Associated Press

WASHINGTON (AP) — David Venturella, a former executive at a private prison operator, will serve as the acting head of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement, the Trump administration says, after the agency’s current leader steps down at the end of the month. More: Associated Press

The Israeli military has leveled whole areas of towns and villages in southern Lebanon as it presses on with plans to establish control in the area during a Trump-declared ceasefire, satellite imagery, video and photos show. More: NBC News

ATLANTA — Brad Raffensperger, a Republican candidate for governor in Georgia, said Tuesday there was an “active threat” near a planned campaign event a day after, his campaign said, authorities received a message targeting him. More: NBC News

A longtime supporter of Donald Trump from Connecticut dialed in to a C-SPAN show this weekend to express his utter disappointment and frustration with how the president’s second term is playing out. More: HuffPost