Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And it hopes to never piss off Jon Ossoff.
Note: Sexy Patriots! How are you today? Well you smell terrific. We’re doing pretty good too. We also smell terrific. And we’re just now picking our jaws up off the floor after watching our Senate candidates reach deep into the chests of their Republican opponents and removing their cold beating hearts. Yeah, it turns out that the Democratic Party isn’t fucking around…
Holy fucking shit! That man has a family! But it’s a family of neo-nazis so it’s ok that Jon Ossoff just gave his soul an atomic wedgie. Last night, we saw Jon, Abdul and Troy pull no punches as they went right after their opponents. Hell, Mike Collins looked like he was about to cry. He also looked like he was gonna go burn a cross but that just might be the way he looks all the time. We hope he woke up today remembering what a piece of shit loser he is.
If you’ve been watching Democratic politicians as long as we have, then you know this is a new day. They’re not afraid anymore. They’re not pulling punches anymore. They’re not letting Beltway consultants water them down or convince them to try and run out the clock. No, they are coming for blood, baring fangs and looking to fuck up some Trump-loving assholes. This is the fight and these are the fighters we’ve been waiting for. So let’s get their backs and win some fucking elections! Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: How desperate is Mike Rogers? He went after Abdul’s mom. He’s lucky Adbul is a peaceful man. More: HuffPost
Note three: You can tell Trump is worried about Abdul because he is turning up the racist dial all the way up. We love seeing racist shitheads scared. More: HuffPost
Note four: Need more incentive to take back the House? Well Mike Little Johnson says he might leave Congress and go mow lawns if Republicans lose. Someone tell Mike that you can’t take off months at a time from a lawn business. And then tell him to fuck off. More: HuffPost
Note five: We’re gonna talk more about this in the news section, but we thought y’all should see Mayor Mamdani from last night…
Note six: If you have any secret flu remedies, please get them to James Talarico. More: NBC News
Note seven: LOL. Another Ken Paxton tape just dropped. He accuses Cornyn of wanting him to lose. Yeah, no shit, dude. Everyone knows that. More: CNN
Note eight: Democrats are going after Chuck Grassley for that embarrassing Schmitt attack on Jack Smith. This is what we like to see. More: Politico
Note nine: Some candidates in Ohio “stumbled” across a dead body. And that might be the weirdest story we see today. More: Cleveland.com
Note 10: Nobody thinks less of Trump supporters than Trump. Except maybe us.
Note 11: Here’s a story about how Americans are going hungry during Trump’s golden age. More: NBC News
Note 12: Trump is trying to get Somalis in Minnesota killed. We wish the mainstream media cared about this kind of thing, but in their defense none of the Somalis are wearing tan suits. More: The Hill
Note 13: Yesterday we shared that Trump was considering ramping up the war against Iran before the Midterms. But then he went and announced to the world that he’ll wait until after the midterms. So there’s a good chance he’ll attack today. More: AP
Note 14: It’s hard to describe just how much Trump has weaponized the federal government to try and win the midterms. But we sure hope someone is keeping a list. More: AP
Note 15: We love David Byrne almost as much as we hate Elon… More: Twitter
Note 16: What this country did to Curtis Flowers is pure fucking evil. RIP. More: The Guardian
Note 17: Chris Murphy went to the Middle East to try and find out just how bad the damage is and just how much we’ve been lied to. So of course Hegseth wouldn’t let him see U.S. bases. Anyone else want to see Murphy with subpoena power? More: The Guardian
Note 18: Congrats to A’ja Wilson on winning her third straight (fifth overall) WNBA MVP. She’s sure had to put up with a lot of racist shitheads, and she just keeps winning. More: ESPN
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re going to Oslo, where Donald Trump did not win the Nobel Peace Prize. In fact, he lost to a woman who works for the International Criminal Court. Probably because she cares about the law and human rights and didn’t kill more than 100 Iranian little girls. Congrats to Navi Pillary. And as always, suck it, Trump.
Note 20: And on that righteous and hilarious note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all have the most amazing weekend. And if you’re struggling, just remember that it could be worse and you could be Doug Collins. Love y’all!
Abolish ICE
ICE shot someone in New York yesterday. The man’s five-year-old son was in the car at the time. Markwaynefuckhead did a press conference this morning where he defended the scumbag who did the shooting and attacked the press and Mayor Mandani for standing up for basic decency and human rights. From what we’ve seen, New Yorkers are fucking furious. We all are. Abolish ICE. Today, tomorrow, forever.
More: The Guardian
Tough Guy
Big tough guy Donald Trump is sending his thugs at DOJ after former aide Cassidy Hutchinson. Cassidy’s big crime is that she told the truth about what Trump did on Jan. 6. And now Trump is trying to indict her for perjury. Remember all the outrage when Ossoff criticized Natalie Harp? Why aren’t we hearing it now? Oh right because those people were full of shit. Anyway, we think this is a really stupid plan by Trump and his DOJ and we can’t wait to watch it backfire.
More: The Guardian
Psycho Pete
The Secretary of Defense is a bloodthirsty nutjob. Pete Hegseth announced yesterday that the terrorist piece of shit who attacked Ft. Hood is going to be put to death by a livestreamed firing squad. So congrats to America on becoming Iran. Hegseth said he wants to send a message, and we’re pretty sure a live showing of American soldiers shooting a scumbag in a wheelchair will do just that. It will also make him a martyr, which is probably something he really wants. Anyway, America is pretty fucking gross right now, and we should probably do something about it this November.
More: AP
Today’s clips
WASHINGTON (AP) — President Donald Trump celebrated tech billionaires for their contributions to America on Thursday only hours after a company run by one of them, Microsoft, was accused by his vice president of abusing the visa system to bring in more foreign workers.
It so happens five of the six leaders he honored are immigrants. More: AP
NEW YORK (AP) — In his campaign to become the next governor of New York, Republican Bruce Blakeman has suggested Democrats might steal the election, played up fears about immigrant criminals and posted AI-generated videos depicting the state as dangerous and unaffordable.
And on Friday night, he’ll rally with President Donald Trump in Syracuse. It is not exactly a message that seems geared toward winning over moderate voters. More: AP
CORONADO, Calif. (AP) — After more than 10 months at sea, thousands of sailors Thursday poured out of the the USS Lincoln on San Diego Bay to thunderous cheers, streaming tears and emotional hugs, marking a homecoming that included new dads who met babies born while they were away on a historic deployment supporting the Iran war. More: AP
President Donald Trump on Friday signed an order directing the attorney general and other top federal officials to establish a committee to investigate Federal Reserve governor Lisa Cook, in his latest attempt to fire her. More: NBC News
Ukrainian negotiators heading to the United States for a new round of talks to end the war with Russia will discuss a comprehensive new plan to help break the ongoing impasse in the conflict, a senior administration official told NBC News. More: NBC News
Saudi Arabia’s civil aviation authority said on Friday that three Saudi nationals were killed and several people were injured in two attacks on King Khalid International Airport in Riyadh on Thursday. More: NBC News
Vice President JD Vance seemed to get lost in the sauce as he explained his own definition of socialism during a Thursday press conference. More: HuffPost
If you are one of the millions of people who use terms like artificial intelligence or AI, Donald Trump has a harsh message for you: You’re the enemy. More: HuffPost
Vice President JD Vance said he was unaware of the current scandal facing U.S. Ambassador Kimberly Guilfoyle when a reporter asked about it on Thursday.
Still, he admitted he didn’t like the “hypothetical.” More: HuffPost
Kimberly Guilfoyle chose an interesting time to post her first tweet since July, but she didn’t use the moment to address the elephant in the room. More: HuffPost
Chairman of the Federal Trade Commission Andrew Ferguson said Thursday he’s proud of the work President Donald Trump’s administration is doing to combat discrimination ― for white men, that is. More: HuffPost
The latest from Adam
I'm so glad you nailed today perfectly. We are ready for this fight. The Republicans ass hats are getting their butts handed to them them.
Does Mike Little Johnson realize a lawn care business would require him to actually work for once in his life?