Make America Hurt Again

It’s Wednesday. There are 594 days until the midterm elections. John Roberts does the bare minimum (and pays for it), the brain worm guy is an effing moron and Trump gets played.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it’s not dumb enough to think Putin is its friend.

Note: Sexy Patriots! Who the hell knew y’all had such strong opinions about nicknames? We apologize to all the Melvins out there, but we’re sticking with this one for now. Hey it’s better than setting a Tesla dealership on fire…

Yikes. What a hilarious shame. If you’ve been reading us for a while, you know that we are anti-violence. No matter how fucked up the pigshit assheads are to us and our country, we are forever mindful that we don’t want to be like those Jan. 6 chodes. We also don’t want to give these sonsofbitches any reason to lock us up. So please don’t set Teslas on fire. It might feel just, it might be pretty to look at and it might even be so fucking funny that a little pee came out when we saw it. But that doesn’t make it ok. Use your words and cuss those fucking assholes to hell and back.

That said, has that weird motherfucker never met an American? Did he think his South African ass could fuck over veterans and seniors and everyone else and the country that dumped tea in the Boston Harbor was just gonna take it? We don’t want violence against Melvin or his stupid cars, but this wasn’t hard to see coming. Especially since Melvin’s cars usually catch on fire on their own. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Trump’s good buddy Turkish President Erdogan just had his main rival arrested. How long until the same happens to the Democratic frontrunner? More: Associated Press

Note three: And in Hungary, which is for some fucked up reason the model for all the scary people, the government has banned Pride events and “will allow authorities to use facial recognition software to identify attenders.” These dumbshits don’t understand that’s how Pride started and people are NOT going back. More: Washington Blade

Note four: As for our neighbors to the North, well, maybe they should be the ones invading us. Because what we did to this poor Canadian woman is beyond the fucking pale. More: The Guardian

Note five: The people who said we had to keep the Robert E. Lee statues are now trying to erase Jackie Robinson from history. This is a fucking disgrace and should damn well be a national scandal.

Note six: Speaking of fucking disgraces, Chuck Schumer just keeps making shit worse. His media tour is as tone deaf as his gutless surrender was. He is simply not the leader for these times. Go away, Chuck! More: The Guardian

Note seven: And thank you to Rep. Glenn Ivey for listening to his constituents and becoming the first elected Democrat to call on Schumer to step aside. More: Huff Post

Note eight: You know how America is kidnapping people in the middle of the night because of antisemitism? Well the head of Trump’s antisemitism task force is reposting antisemitic social media accounts. So when does he get kidnapped? More: Raw Story

Note nine: Some rare good news from the stupid people – we might still get to have flu shots. Yay? More: CNN

Note 10: Are we bad people for laughing at this? No? Ok cool.

Note 11: Trump fired the Democrats on the FTC yesterday. Like most of these firings, a judge will tell him a week from now that he can’t do that shit and then he’ll attack the judge and try to find a way to do it anyway. Cool country, right? More: Associated Press

Note 12: It sure looks like the new Social Security administrator tried to fuck over Maine parents and babies because the state’s governor wouldn’t kiss Trump’s sorry ass. More: Huff Post

Note 13: A big HOORAY as a judge slaps down Trump’s trans troop purge. Judge Reyes put it best when she said “every person who has answered the call to serve deserves our gratitude and respect.” Damn right. Which branch did Trump serve in again? More: CNBC

Note 14: Welcome home to the astronauts who returned yesterday from an extended stay on the ISS (and not the moon like we erroneously and stupidly said yesterday). We’re glad they’re back, but we figure it’ll take until Friday before they’re begging to go back. More: The Guardian

Note 15: We are big fans of Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear, and we found this interview pretty darn moving…

Note 16: The Trump administration is considering giving up the U.S.’s role as head, or Supreme Allied Commander, of NATO. It’s probably just a coincidence that this stupid self-defeating move was floated the same day Trump talked to Putin. More: NBC News

Note 17: Thank dog that March Madness is here. We really need it. Who y’all got winning? And don’t say America.

Note 18: This one was just too predictable. Minnesota Republican state Sen. Justin Eichorn made big news recently when he introduced legislation that would classify “Trump Derangement Syndrome” as a form of mental illness, was just arrested for soliciting a minor for prostitution. If the QAnon people really want to find child predators, they should just hang out at Republican conventions. Sick fucks. More: The Guardian

Note 19: The latest from Adam: MeidasTouch BURIES Joe Rogan And Other Right-Wing Podcasts – Again. More:

Note 20: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re taking you to nature. We know a lot of people are wondering if our nation will ever be able to recover from the destruction and indignities we’re seeing. We are too. But now we are taking inspiration from the blobfish and it’s wonderful turnaround. Let’s be like blobfish, America.

Note 21: And on that fishy note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are hanging in there this week. If you need it, a long drive sometimes clears our heads. You just probably shouldn’t do it in a flaming Tesla. Love y’all!

Jilted Johnny
After days of attacks on judges from Trump and Melvin Musk, Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts got involved, sorta. In a rare, brief and weak statement, Roberts said that impeachment of justices is “not an appropriate response” to rulings people don’t like. When asked about this on Fox last night, Trump said that Roberts didn’t mention him by name so he must be talking about someone else. Then Trump attacked another lower court judge. More: NBC News

Make America Hurt Again
You know how it was a really fucking stupid idea to put an ex-heroin junkie with a dead worm in his brain the head of Health and Human Services? Well, it ain’t getting any prettier. Apparently RFK Jr. wants to let bird flu spread to find out which birds have a natural immunity to it. Even for that idiot this is pretty goddamn idiotic. The first Trump administration saw us run out of toilet paper. How long until we ain’t got no chickens? More: UNMC

Putin’s bitch
Yesterday was the big call between Trump and Putin, and unfortunately it went exactly as we thought it would. It started with Putin humiliating Trump by doing a public event at the same time they were supposed to be speaking. Reports said that Putin made Trump wait an hour. And then the only thing that came of the call was Putin kinda sorta agreeing to a ceasefire on attacks on Ukraine’s energy grid and then kept doing it anyway. It will never stop being mind-melting to us that the whole world can’t see just how fucking compromised Trump is by Putin. It’s so fucking obvious. More: BBC, Huff Post

Today’s clips
In his first public remarks since being detained by federal immigration authorities, Palestinian activist and recent Columbia graduate, Mahmoud Khalil, spoke out against the conditions facing immigrants in US detention and said he was being targeted by the Trump administration for his political beliefs. More: The Guardian

Jason Isaacs’ unexpected segue into political commentary while promoting the latest season of “The White Lotus” is making waves on social media. More: Huff Post

Unredacted documents related to the 1963 assassination of President John F. Kennedy were released Tuesday following an order by President Donald Trump shortly after he took office. More: Huff Post

Elon Musk and the Trump administration are pitching cuts in one of the most politically dangerous arenas in America — the Social Security Administration. More: NBC News

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