Lame duck á l’orange

Happy Friday. There are 326 days until the midterm elections. Kilmar walks, so much for states’ rights and Trump’s war on Christianity.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it doesn’t keep getting its ass kicked by Letitia James.

Note: Hey there, Sexy Patriots! It’s so great to see you today. Why yes, we are feeling chipper (and sexy) on this fine Friday. Why? Well because President Anusmouth is a limp dick loser. Ope. Sorry about that. We meant lame duck loser. Yeah, America’s orange dick-tator has lost his juice. And we are freaking loving it…

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! The Hoosiers handed asshead a great big L with a few middle fingers to boot. The dark magic is wearing off. The cult is slowly (oh so slowly) waking up. Cracks of reality are starting to break through. Heads are plopping out of asses. And it’s really obvious that it’s all getting to Trump. He’s attacking women reporters more, he told a group of Republicans last night they’ll start seeing fantastic numbers “when the real pollsters start doing the polls” and he’s on Truth Social whining about not getting credit. He’s crashing out even more than usual. You’d think a Black person became president again.

Trump and his goons really wanted this win. His allies at Heritage made it clear that Hoosier Republicans were threatened with a loss of state funding. Couchfuck went to the state twice. And the dictator still lost. The fever seems to be breaking, Sexy Patriots. It’s just a shame it did so much brain damage first. Y’all have a blessed day. More: CNN, The Hill

Note two: Y’all have no idea how hard it is for Sam to say nice things about Indiana. But they earned it. It’s even harder for us to say something nice about Jared Golden, but he and a bunch of House Democrats brought some Rs over to rebuke an anti-union executive order from Trump, and we love anything that makes him limper. We mean lamer. More: HuffPost

Note three: How do we know Trump is getting desperate? He’s going to loosen restrictions on cannabis. Yeah, dude is gonna fuck around and make weed un-cool. More: Axios

Note four: This headline stopped us cold. We really screwed up by electing a climate change denier. More: NBC News

Note five: (In Elton John voice) Can you feel the love…

Note six: It’s official — Trump fucked up Christmas. Also, we need people to stop calling him the Grinch. The Grinch didn’t hate dogs. More: Associated Press

Note seven: It’s true that Trump’s DOJ tried to indict Letitia James again yesterday. It’s also true that they failed. Again. You’d think they’d get tired of this at some point. More: HuffPost

Note eight: Look, we stay out of primaries. But it’s been pretty fucking gross watching old white dudes tell Jasmine Crockett she shouldn’t be running for the Senate. We are big believers that anyone who wants to run should and the voters can make the decision. A lot of people are telling on themselves these days. More: Mediaite

Note nine: Senate Republicans refused to extend ACA subsidies yesterday. It’s hurting people. More: NBC News

Note 10: Obvious lies like this about Trump’s health make us so sad that Jake Tapper crawled up Megyn Kelly’s ass and was never heard from again.

Note 11: The White House is big mad that CNN won’t have Stephen Miller on. And we are very shocked to learn that CNN has standards. Still, you love to see it. More: Mediaite

Note 12: We take some comfort in knowing that Tom Homan and Kristi Noem hate each other almost as much as we hate them. More: Media Matters

Note 13: Is this guy on top of shit or what?

Note 14: You want to know what is really, really stupid politics? Messing with nurses. More: Associated Press

Note 15: The Minneapolis mayor and police chief publicly apologized to a Somali American who ICE tackled, handcuffed and kidnapped simply because of how he looked. This whole damn country needs to be apologizing. More: HuffPost

Note 16: We just want to say that we’re really proud of ourselves for not giving a shit about the gross Nuzzi-Lizza shit. Yeah, want a holiday movie recommendation? Sam watched Oh. What. Fun. on Prime last night and it was delightful. More: NO LINK ON PURPOSE

Note 17: The Onion nailing it better than The New York Times…

Note 18: We aren’t the only ones sick of high prices and a sleepy asshole president. Even North Carolina focus groups are noticing old boy falling asleep. And this is coming from the Republicans who run Axios. More: Axios

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re gonna take a break from politics. We’re sharing this because it made us smile this morning. We hope it does the same for you…

Note 20: And on that rockin’ note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all have the best and most relaxing weekend. Especially if you’re a Hoosier. Love y’all!

About goddamn time
Yesterday afternoon, Kilmar Abrego Garcia was finally freed. Garcia, who has been targeted, smeared and imprisoned by the Trump administration, is a perfect case study in how the Trump administration can make life hell for immigrants they just don’t like. It’s shameful the way the U.S. government has lied over and over again just to punish this dude. They fucked up when they sent him to el Salvador. Instead of admitting that, they tried to destroy him. But he took them on. And today he has freedom. More: Associated Press

States’ (yeah) rights
Remember when Trump and his scum at SCOTUS decided to take away basic human rights from women and they told us it’s because they believe in states’ rights? Well that was horseshit. Trump doesn’t give a fuck about states’ rights. We learned that again last night when he desperately tried to free election denier and convicted criminal Tina Peters. Of course Peters was convicted on state charges so Trump can go poop in his hat. But it is pretty messed up that he’s trying this. And frankly the rhetoric of some of the people around Peters is damn worrisome. More: Colorado Sun

War on Christianity
Hey we found the people who are attacking Americans’ religious freedoms. It turns out it’s the rapist and the sofa-screwer. Yeah, Trump and Vance have declared war on a Catholic charity in Texas that has won praise from Pope Leo. Because this church and a nun want to do what Jesus told them to and be good to strangers in strange lands, the administration has cut their federal funding for six years. Now we don’t love churches getting federal funding to begin with, but this is gross. We’re starting to think the guy with his weiner in the furniture is a shitty Catholic. We’re sending love and a raised fist to Sister Norma. Keep doing what you do, Sister.

Trump-Vance White House Targets Beloved Nun in Texas, Retaliates Against Catholic Charities

Today’s clips
Democrats on the House Oversight Committee on Friday released a second batch of images from the late convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein’s estate. More: NBC News

The Trump administration is expanding its crackdown on diversity, equity and inclusion by ordering national parks to purge their gift shops of items it deems objectionable. More: Associated Press

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration is planning to add a boxed warning to the labels of COVID vaccines at the direction of Dr. Vinay Prasad, the agency’s chief medical and scientific officer and director of its Center for Biologics Evaluation and Research, CNN reported Friday. More: HuffPost

President Donald Trump’s speech at the White House Congressional Ball was interrupted by a man calling for the deportation of Somalis on Thursday. More: Mediaite

The Trump administration plans to hold the oil tanker it seized in waters near Venezuela at an American port in Texas but release the crew once the vessel docks, according to two U.S. officials. More: NBC News

The latest from Adam
Adam filled in last night for Mary Trump. You can watch here!