Guess What’s Coming to Dinner

Happy Friday. There are 193 days until the midterm elections. Gas prices ain’t coming down, the Army’s gambler and the idiot president has his next project.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And today’s edition is downright vulgar.

Note: Sexiest of Patriots! How the hell are y’all today? Well that’s good. You smell fantastic. And it’s the weekend, so you’ve got that going for you. You know what else? You’re not spending this weekend kissing the miserable orange ass of a monster who abuses you and uses you daily. The White House press corps can’t say the same.

LOL. Have fun, everybody! Earlier this week, we ran a thoughtful and constructive guest post about what the White House Correspondents Association president should say in her remarks. Today, we’d like to go in a different direction. So we came up with a menu that the pathetic, out-of-touch beltway buttlicks can enjoy for their dinner with asshead. Yes, instead of salad and rubber chicken, we’d like to invite this year’s attendees to eat…

• Our asses

• Our taints

• A bag of dicks

• Shit

• Dog shit

• Horse shit

• Pig shit

• Shit shit

• Our shit

• Each other’s shit

• And a great big bowl of Go Fuck Yourself Soup

Now we know they’ll be too busy sucking up to human garbage like Hegseth or Stephen Miller or even Brendan fucking Carr. But we do hope they remember to take time to eat all the shit. And eat slowly. We wouldn’t want them to choke on it. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: The dumbest world leader on the planet continues to make up his own version of math. We assume Jake Tapper is working on a book about it. More: Associated Press

Note three: The latest Fox News poll should make Trump crap his pants. Ya know, more than he already does. If you want a big shot of hope this morning, take a look at the Hispanic numbers. More: Fox News

Note four: Remember that stupid fucking Gold Card? Well Nutlick has sold exactly one of them. We’re starting to think these Epstein scumbags are incompetent. More: NBC News

Note five: Speaking of Nutlick, he had a rough day yesterday thanks to our House Democrats…

Note six: Pete Hegseth had another one of his meltdowns this morning. We assume he drank his breakfast. More: HuffPost

Note seven: Bari Weiss and CBS are spending this week celebrating Trump. Their viewers are spending this week somewhere else. More: Hollywood Reporter

Note eight: It gets worse. Vanity Fair did a deep dive on Tony Dokoupil, and it was not flattering. It turns out he’s a soulless moron. Who knew? More: HuffPost

Note nine: Trump’s idiots are moving fast to review the psychedelic drugs Trump is now promoting. Maybe if we eat enough shrooms, he won’t look so dumb. More: NBC News

Note 10: This is what the press are celebrating this weekend. Let’s hope they get some self-respect with their salads. Also, this motherfucker is losing it.

Note 11: We have defended Karen Bass a lot. We’re not doing that anymore. More: Yahoo

Note 12: The DOJ watchdog is going to investigate the department’s handling of the Epstein files. We can save them some time. IT’S A FUCKING COVER-UP! More: NBC News

Note 13: We saw this and thought someone should wake this asshole up. Then we thought about it and figured it’s better to let him sleep. Seriously, Tapper. Where’s that fucking book?

Note 14: By the way, in that Fox Poll, 55 percent of respondents said Trump is mentally unfit to be president. And the other 45 percent huff paint thinner.

Note 15: Republicans are having a very normal reaction to losing in Virginia this week. In fact, all they want to do in response is break up the state and give some cities to D.C. Totally normal people. More: Associated Press

Note 16: Henry Kissinger is still dead.

Note 17: Trump and Liddle Marco are going to fuck up the World Cup, and it’s going to be a shame. And a global humiliation. More: HuffPost

Note 18: While we were writing, “Judge” Jeanine Pirro announced that she and Trump are surrendering to Jerome Powell. Congrats to the Fed Chairman on staring down a bully. And congrats to Trump on another big fat L. More: ABC News

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re going to Hakeem Jeffries. Folks have asked us why we still rock with Hakeem while flushing Schumer. Well, it’s because of shit like this…

Note 20: And on that note that must make DeSantis DeShit himself, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all have an awesome weekend and don’t spend it eating the shit of a fascist fuckhead. Love y’all!

Pumping gas(bag)
We’re sorry to tell you this, but you’re not gonna get a break on gas prices anytime soon. The dumb sonofabitch who ran a whole campaign on lowering prices is now telling us that gas will continue to be high “for a little while.” And remember this asshole thought COVID would just go away. And why the fuck does he keep saying he thought it would be worse like that’s some kind of comfort to people who can’t fill up their tanks to get to work? And why the fuck aren’t reporters asking him if he’s ever even filled up a tank? More: CNBC

Jackpot
One of the soldiers on the raid to capture Maduro in Venezuela bet on the success of the raid and made himself a cool $400,000. He then realized he was caught and did a bunch of shit to cover his tracks. Trump made excuses for the soldier, comparing him to Pete Rose. So yeah, our military is becoming a gross joke much like our commander-in-chief. Some Republicans are already calling for a pardon because laws just don’t mean shit anymore. More: NBC News

Reflection
Trump spent 10 minutes yesterday talking about building swimming pools and how he’s renovating the goddamn Reflecting Pool in front of the Lincoln Memorial. He also took a minute to claim he had a bigger crowd than MLK Jr. So while you’re struggling to pay for food, gas and healthcare, the spoiled rotten shithead is using your money for a remodeling spree. And the media seem to think that’s totally normal and fine. Fuckers. More: The Independent

Today’s clips
WASHINGTON (AP) — President Donald Trump, who helped push the term “ fake news” into the mainstream, now seems to have a new favorite subject: fake math. More: Associated Press

ENID, Okla. (AP) — Communities began cleaning up Friday after a powerful tornado in Oklahoma damaged at least 40 homes, ripping roofs off of some and reducing others to rubble in a rural community as emergency crews rescued trapped residents, authorities said. More: Associated Press

RALEIGH, N.C. — Two young people have been arrested in an alleged plot to attack a Texas synagogue that involved driving through the congregation to “kill as many Jews as possible,” according to authorities and court documents. More: NBC News

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth defended President Donald Trump’s war in Iran, dismissing Pope Leo XIV’s criticism of the conflict. More: HuffPost

The editorial board of The Wall Street Journal has urged Donald Trump not to follow through on a reported possible plan to bail out Spirit Airlines. More: HuffPost

Homeland Security Secretary Markwayne Mullin let loose on Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.) during a heated rant Thursday on Fox News. More: HuffPost

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