GOTV Edition

It’s Sunday. There are TWO DAYS until Election Day. The brain worm guy somehow gets nuttier, an earthquake in Iowa and the VP slays SNL.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It keeps us from losing our shit.

Note: Sexy Patriots! We can feel your energy! We can feel your joy! We can feel your determination! We can feel your sexiness! And we can feel that we’re making you a tad uncomfortable! Sorry. We’re so excited. We believe with all our hearts that we’re about to bring this thing home, but we’ve still got two days of hard work to get it done. And while we do that, we wanted to take a quick break from saving America to say thank you.

Y’all are the fucking best, and we’re so damn grateful to you for joining us in these batshit crazy times. By now you know our story — We started this newsletter for a few friends to help us all laugh and cope and vent during the Trump administration. And it just kept growing and growing as thousands and thousands of us came together to chuckle, read some news and be reassured that we aren’t the crazy ones. We’ve cussed, we’ve laughed, we’ve cussed some more and along the way we’ve leaned on each other, celebrated together, raised money, won elections and mooned the hideous faces of facism. It has been a humbling experience to fight for this great country with y’all. There’s nobody we’d rather be in these trenches with than your hot asses. Thank you for everything you have done and will do for this country.

Now let’s finish strong. Let’s close this motherfucker out and leave no doubt about who won and what kind of country we are. We’ve got this, Sexy Patriots. Now let’s go kick some ass. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: In case you didn’t see it, here is VP Harris’ closing ad. It’s way better than the fucked up shit Trump keeps talking about.

Note three: RIP to Janey Godley, the Scottish comedian who trolled Trump with a “Trump is a cunt” sign outside his Scottish golf course. A true Sexy Patriot. More: Deadline

Note four: We mentioned this Atlantic story yesterday, but it’s really worth your time. It shows how Trump’s senior campaign staff knows they're losing, but they’re still too chickenshit to blame it on Trump so they blame it on some asshole named Alex. More: The Atlantic

Note five: We don’t want to say Republicans are a damn mess here at the end, but it sure looks like this GOP congressman showed up to a TV hit drunk as a dang skunk…

Note six: Elon Leon came for Cardi B. It didn’t go well for him. Maybe these weird assholes wouldn’t be so hated if they stopped messing with strong women. More: Baller Alert

Note seven: Watch this weird shit and suddenly Leon Elon starts to make a lot more sense. He’s still an asshole though.

Note eight: Did you fall back an hour? If so then maybe you missed Trump laughing when one of his shit-eating supporters called our VP a sex worker. Sure is hard to imagine why this asshole is having a hard time with women. More: NY Times

Note nine: If you want to make some calls today, you can sign up for a shift at this link. We need you, Sexy Patriots. All gas; no brakes. More: KamalaHarris.com

Note 10: So it’s always been obvious we were winning the battle of celebrities, but yesterday Harrison Ford did this and now we’ve got him and Luke Skywalker and it’s time to take down Darth Fuckhead.

Wait what?

So we have to confess that we’re just not that impressed with the GOP’s closing argument. When Trump’s not crapping himself in public and Speaker MAGA Mike Johnson isn’t promising to repeal popular programs, you’ve got RFK Jr. promising to do all kinds of fucked up shit to the health and wellbeing of American women and children. On Saturday, the guy with the dead worm in his brain said on social media that on Jan. 20, a second Trump administration would recommend U.S. water systems “remove fluoride from public water.” He then blamed any number of diseases on fluoridation. As far as dangerous and idiotic conspiracy theories go, this one has been around for a while. We just never thought anyone stupid enough to believe it would ever be in a position to do it. Let’s hope like hell he never is.

More: NBC

Oh shit, Iowa!

So we’ve been feeling pretty good about things the last few days, but nothing could have prepared us for what happened last night. Ann Selzer’s famous Des Moines Register poll came out, and it showed VP Harris leading Trump in Iowa by 3 points, 477-44. We can’t begin to express how huge this is. Seltzer is maybe the most respected pollster in the game. Her poll shows women making damn clear what they think of Trump’s plan to protect them. We don’t know if the VP is going to win Iowa, but if she’s even close in a red state like that, then we feel pretty damn good about the places we need to win. It freaked Trump out so much he spent the night tweeting about how much he loves farmers. Of course polls don’t actually mean jack shit, so keep doing what you’re doing!

More: Des Moines Register

Live from New York…

…it’s the next president of the United States. If you haven’t seen it by now, VP Harris made a surprise appearance on Saturday Night Live last night, appearing opposite Maya Rudolph and absolutely crushing it. The VP was fantastic. We love that she made a joke about Trump not being able to open the garbage truck door, and we loved it even more knowing how pissed he’s gonna be that she got to do an appearance. He’ll probably sue SNL. Anyway, props to the VP for being charming and funny and continuing the immaculate vibes down the stretch. Let’s go!!!

Today’s clips

In Wisconsin’s hotly contested U.S. Senate race, Republican Eric Hovde has focused much of his closing messaging on attacking the finance career of Democratic Sen. Tammy Baldwin’s girlfriend, highlighting their same-sex relationship. More: NBC

The FBI said it is "aware" of two fake videos claiming to be from the agency and related to the 2024 election. More: ABC