Get ready for dysfunction

It’s Friday. There are 724 days until the midterm elections. Blue state governors draw some lines, the Fed chair says he ain’t leaving and the rich assholes get richer.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s how we fight fascists.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we don’t know how you do it, but you look amazing. Whole damn country’s going to shit and there you are looking all sexy and patriotic as hell. We’re trying to get there. Like y’all, we’ve been processing a lot of information, and a lot of it is damn confusing. Like how the fuck did we keep those Senate seats but lose the states to Trump?! Goddamnit!

Y’all know the line we always use from Steel Magnolias when Dolly Parton is talking about Sammy, the expectant father, who is “so confused he don’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.” Well that’s us. (FYI — our butt says it’s 10.) So we put our heads together and decided we should start with what we know for certain. We did this for seven hours, and we only came up with two things — we ain’t quitting and our mission here at TBS remains the same.

Our goals here are to remind you that you’re not crazy (those other fuckers are), Donald Trump is a total joke who deserves to be mocked at every turn and share with you what’s in the news with a blunt and truthful spin. Trump and his merry band of kiss-asses might be winning and thirsting for vengeance right now, but they are also total goddamn dipshits who hate being laughed at. And laugh at them we will!

So thank you to all of you for sticking with us. It makes us feel good to know y’all are out there feeling the same shit we are. We might not know where the light is just yet, but at least we can stumble around in the dark together. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: This seems like a good thing to share…

Note three: So we don’t want you to poop your britches, but the Wall Street Journal is reporting that the brain worm guy had a meeting in Palm Beach to talk about Trump’s health policy with Tucker “I was attacked by a demon” Carlson, Tulsi Gabbard and Don Jr. So yeah, we’re all gonna die. Carpe diem! More: WSJ

Note four: One of Trump’s flunkies is already threatening state Attorneys General, even threatening to put Letitia James in jail in the most misogynistic language possible. More: Daily Beast

Note five: Yesterday a bunch of super racist text messages were sent to Black people at HBCUs. The hoods are really off for this second term. It’s gonna be up to us to call it out. More: CNN

Note six: So when does the press start calling out Trump’s broken bullshit promises?

Note seven: Private prison executives are downright gleeful about Trump returning to power and promising to run concentration camps. How fucking gross is that? More: HuffPost

Note eight: Trump named his campaign manager his chief of staff. She’s the first woman to hold the job, which is honestly pretty embarrassing for every other president. Unfortunately, she’s also a psycho who likes fascism. More: AP News

Note nine: This just about made us cry this morning. Black women have done so much to try to help this nation live up to its promise, and American has constantly let them down.

Note 10: And on that note, we’re going to do some news, have some coffee and ponder the future. But TBS is here to stay as long as you Sexy Patriots will help us keep it going. The two things we’re going to need the most these next few years are truth and each other. Have a great weekend, SPs, and we’ll see you back here Monday.

Rise up!

Blue State governors are sending a message to Trump already. Yesterday California Gov. Gavin Newsom called a special legislative session with the express purpose of steeling popular progressive policies from the heavy hand of Trump’s federal government. We also saw Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker say in a press conference, “you come for my people, you come through me.” We’ve lost a lot, y’all. But we haven’t lost everything.

More: The Hill, AP News

Stand-off!

We never really cared for Fed chairman Jerome Powell, but we’re sure rooting for him now. After announcing yesterday that the Fed was cutting interest rates again, Powell made clear the law says the Federal Reserve should be independent of the presidency. Trump wants to be in charge, and he has suggested taking over. But Powell declared yesterday that he would not leave even if Trump tried to fire him. Get ready for some super ugly dysfunction.

More: CNBC

This sucks

The rich get richer. After Trump won Tuesday, the stock market skyrocketed and the super rich assholes who just bought America got even richer. According to Bloomberg’s Billionaire Index, the 10 richest people on the planet got $64 billion richer after Trump won. This is what America is now — the people are busting their asses to make rent while our billionaire overlords play chess with our lives. We don’t know about y’all, but we are not cool with that shit.

More: CNN

Today’s clips

Former Veterans Affairs Secretary Robert Wilkie will lead Defense Department transition efforts for President-elect Donald Trump’s incoming administration, according to sources close to the operations. More: Military Times

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) on Thursday unveiled her plan for Democrats “to fight back” following Donald Trump’s decisive election win. More: HuffPost

President-elect Donald Trump told NBC News on Thursday that one of his first priorities upon taking office in January would be to make the border “strong and powerful.” When questioned about his campaign promise of mass deportations, Trump said his administration would have “no choice” but to carry them out. More: NBC