Freddy Krueger soils himself

It’s Tuesday. There are 504 days until the midterm elections. Republicans plan a Medicaid massacre, Trump’s Iran freakout and Tina Smith handles business.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But at least it’s not trying to bring back asbestos.

Note: Sexy Patriots! Great to see you today. We have much horrible and stupid shit to discuss. We will do our best to cover it all and cuss the appropriate amount (hint: the appropriate amount is A LOT!). But first, we want to take a moment to appreciate a moment of real genius. Ladies and germs, we are talking about a video display that reveals the very essence of Donald Jackass Trump in a matter of mere seconds. Please observe the master at work…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! What a fucking dunce!!!! God this shit would be so funny if it was somebody else’s country. But alas, it’s ours. And we’re all in big trouble. Because not only did this drooling dipshit spill the papers and get the name of the country he was talking about wrong (EU?), but then he flew back early to possibly get us in a goddamn war. So if at any point today you get worried that the end is near, just watch this video and be assured that it is.

But you also gotta remember to laugh at this idiot. Yes, he’s killing us all, but he’s such a fucking idiot. If Freddy Krueger accidentally pooped his pants, you’d have to mock him for it. You take some of his power. You’ll probably still get chopped up but it won’t be any fun for him. And that’s a win! Anyway, good luck to you in this country run by the dumbshit from the video. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We were gonna save this for the Happy Ending, but we couldn’t wait. MyPillow jackass and former crackhead Mike Lindell was found guilty of defamation by a Colorado jury yesterday. He was spared the big punishment, but he still lost. He should be used to it by now. More: Associated Press

Note three: Good news, everybody! Tucker Carlson is admitting he lied and hurt people for years on Fox News. Yeah, now he just does it as a hobby. Fuck off, Tucker. More: Salon

Note four: Speaking of Tucker — something we really try not to do — he and Marjorie Taylor Greene are big mad at Trump for starting another war. It must be their first day here. More: The Independent

Note five: This morning Jake Tapper was on CSPAN comparing Joe Biden’s age to the lies about WMD in Iraq. He has already said it was “worse than Watergate.” Here’s the sick evil crap our current asshole president was pulling while Jake was being a hysterical dumbass…

Note six: Americans cut back on spending last month. We’re guessing it’s because a total idiot is wrecking the economy and people are worried. But we’re not economists. More: Axios

Note seven: We’re gonna talk about this more in the news section, but we wanted to be sure you saw this letter that Sen. Tina Smith’s (D-Minn.) chief of staff wrote to Mike Lee’s staff. We doubt they have enough souls to feel shame, but one can hope. More: Salt Lake Tribune

Note eight: Former Democratic Sen. Bob Menendez is now a prisoner. Notice how we’re not calling the justice system rigged or threatening judges? It’s crazy how easy it is to not support criminal dirtbags. More: NBC News

Note nine: Trump threw Tulski Gabbard under the bus. Putin will probably give him a talking to. More: Mediaite

Note 10: The people want Democrats to fight like hell. Any Democrat who doesn’t get that should get out of the way.

Note 11: A Reagan-appointed judge blasted Trump’s NIH grants as vicious discrimination and ruled the cuts illegal. Unfortunately, the president is a criminal. More: Associated Press

Note 12: It’s so scary to think how much worse the Minnesota murders could have been. The deranged monster had a long list of Democrats in his car. No wonder Trump is spreading conspiracy theories about it. More: NPR, Axios

Note 13: The Los Angeles Press Club is suing L.A. and LAPD because the cops are lawless thugs who target journalists. Seriously someone should ask LAPD what fucking country they think this is. More: The Hill

Note 14: This message from Rep. Melissa Hortman’s children is hard to read. It also shows she must have been an amazing mom to raise such amazing kids. More: CBS News

Note 15: We freaking love E. Jean Carroll. Roast his ass!!!

Note 16: The next No Kings protest is set for July 17. We’re not sure we can wait that long. More: Axios

Note 17: Putin just killed an American. We’re sure the America First president will do something about it. Right? More: CBS News

Note 18: Yikes. World Cup ticket sales are in the crapper. It’s almost like nobody wants to pay to get assaulted and deported. More: HuffPost

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you to the U.S. Capitol, where Mike Lee pulled a Josh Hawley and ran away like the cowardly little bitch weasel that he is. You can almost see the urine trail. Let’s talk about this more in the news section, shall we? (Video credit: Brennan Leach/NBC News)

Note 20: And on that pathetic note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a good week so far. And if not, just remember that the whole world didn’t see you make a total ass of yourself while in Canada. Love y’all!

Save the date: Adam and Sam will be holding a Therapy Session here on Substack live tomorrow at 4 PM ET/1 PM PT. You can join live here.

We weren’t lying
Republicans have accused us of lying and trying to scare people about their plans to cut Medicaid and kill Americans. Unfortunately, we were telling the truth. The Senate Finance Committee put out its version of the Big Bullshit Bill yesterday and it cuts Medicaid even more than the heartless scum in the House did. Both bills would be the biggest Medicaid and SNAP cuts we’ve ever seen, and it’s all so Elon Leon and Trump can get tax cuts. Poll after poll shows that the American people hate this grotesque transfer of wealth, but we know the GOP and their media enablers don’t care. So let’s fight. Call your senators and reps and tell them to stop this massacre. More: The Hill

Um…
So Trump scared the shit out of everyone last night by leaving the G7 early and then taking to Truth Social to tell the 10 million people of Tehran to “immediately evacuate” even though it was 2:30 a.m. there. And while there were more strikes from Israel, Tehran is still there. Remember when they told us women were too emotional to be president? This motherfucker yells fire in a crowded theater every damn day, and it’s treated like normal. He also took some time to publicly attack French President Emanuel Macron for suggesting Trump was working on a ceasefire. Yeah, we know Trump wouldn’t do something like that. More: The Guardian

Git his ass, Tina
If there’s one thing we really hate about Washington, it’s that Senators think of each other as friends. They see the Senate as a collegial club, so they don’t confront each other very often. But that changed yesterday when Mike Lee crossed several lines, and Tina Smith went looking for him. Smith, a U.S. Senator from Minnesota and a friend of the late Rep. Hortman, called Lee out of a Republican meeting and gave him what-for to his fugly face. Because he is a fucking coward, Lee hasn’t said anything about it, but he did quietly delete his disgusting tweets. And then he amplified a lie from Elon Leon. Mike Lee is a miserable piece of shit. Tina Smith is a badass, and we’re so grateful to her for standing up to that trash. More: NBC News

Today’s clips
Dozens of Palestinians were killed as they sought food in Gaza on Tuesday, according to local health officials, in what appeared to be the deadliest single incident so far since a U.S. and Israeli-backed organization replaced established aid groups in the shattered enclave. More: NBC News

Eric Trump on Monday was slammed for his use of a highly offensive term during an interview. More: HuffPost

Comedian Dave Smith, a libertarian and frequent guest on Joe Rogan’s podcast who endorsed Donald Trump in 2024, is now apologizing for his support of the president due to his recent handling of the escalating Israel-Iran conflict. More: HuffPost

President Donald Trump shared a private message from his ambassador to Israel, Mike Huckabee, invoking divine providence and portraying the president as chosen by God to steer America through the mounting crisis between Israel and Iran. More: Mediaite

The Trump administration plans to reconsider a ban on the last type of asbestos still used in the United States, according to a court filing on Monday. More: New York Times

The latest from Adam and Sam