FEMA is totally🤬

It’s Tuesday. There are 518 days until the midterm elections. Some great news out of Georgia, the latest stupid attack on Harvard and FEMA is totally f**ked.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But only when Trump does something illegal, corrupt or just plain shitty.

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! How the heck are you today? Well you smell fantastic. Is that a weird thing for a newsletter to say? Probably. We do all kinds of fucked up shit here at this newsletter. We call you Sexy Patriots, we cuss like drunken sailors and we generally call things like we see them. But you know what we’re not gonna do? We’re not gonna take this stupid shit seriously for one goddamn second…

If you don’t know or don’t care who that his or why the fuck he’s making an announcement, then you are in a very big club. That’s Stephen A. Smith, the obscenely overpaid and overrated ESPN personality who keeps pretending like he’s running for president. He also says he would have fought LeBron and likes to go on Hannity’s show. So yeah, he’s got big fucking problems with reality.

So is he running for president? We don’t know and we don’t give a hairy rat’s ass. In the few polls where he has been included, he is at zero percent. We believe we can drive that number lower somehow by ignoring this dumbass and every dumbass publicity stunt he rolls out. So we apologize in advance, SPs, but we ain’t taking Stephen A. seriously. And we’re the newsletter that once wrote 500 words on how Mike Pence’s real name was Mouth Penis. And that reminds us… did you know that the A in Stephen A. Smith stands for Assheadedasshole? Pretty, right? Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: One of the reason we don’t have time for more clowns is because the one we’ve already got is sending ICE after fucking high schoolers. Is this evil crap supposed to make us great again? More: CBS News

Note three: We hate to jinx it, but we didn’t see or hear from Trump yesterday and holy shit it was like a damn dream.

Note four: It would be one thing if the Trump trash were just evil and destructive. But they’re also so goddamn insulting with their lies. We’re living Project 2025, and they’re still saying it’s not a thing. More: HuffPost

Note five: We don’t know how Trump made a volcano erupt in Italy, but we’re blaming him until we hear otherwise.

Note six: We’ve really been trying to get along with Bernie, and we aren’t trying to start any shit. But how can you blame Kamala Harris for losing and say she didn’t talk about the economy? What race is he talking about? Vice President Harris deserves more respect that this, and we are disappointed to say the least. More: HuffPost

Note seven: The New York Times is a fucking mess, and we really, really need them to pull their heads out of their asses.

Note eight: You have to see this response from “Ron Swanson” to a bigoted shithead QAnon freakshow traitor aka Mike Flynn. More: EW

Note nine: Some breaking news this morning: Ukraine says it has struck bridge connecting Russia to Crimea with underwater explosives More: CNN

Note 10: We would never suggest you do anything legally questionable like flooding an ICE tip line with fake tips, but we would also laugh very hard if you did.

Note 11: RIP to John Brenkus, the star of Sports Science. Folks, depression does not discriminate. If you’re having a hard time, please call 988 and talk to someone. We need you here making this planet sexy. More: NBC News

Note 12: Trump is leaning hard on Republican senators to take healthcare and food assistance away from people so Elon Leon can get another fucking tax break. Work those phones, people! More: CNN

Note 13: Sesame Street is out here about to make us cry. They are too good for this world.

Note 14: Ruh-roh. A Democratic-leaning poll is showing that 65 percent of likely Pennsylvania Democratic primary voters disapprove of the job John Fetterman is doing. Or isn’t doing might be a more accurate way to put it. Hey John, stop sucking or get ready to get fired. More: Philadelphia Inquirer

Note 15: We want to wish the best to Marc Maron now that he’s ending his podcast. That dude really did something special, and we think he probably helped a lot of people along the way. And his stand-up is pretty fucking funny. More: Deadline

Note 16: We don’t ever want to be people who criticize people for having substance abuse issues. Sam has certainly dealt with his own shit. But goddamn it just never ceases to amaze us that one of Trump’s biggest supporters doesn’t mind admitting he used to be a crackhead.

Note 17: RIP to Jonathan Joss, the voice of Bob Redcorn on King of the Hill and Ken Hotate from Parks and Rec. This appears to be an evil homophobic hate crime, and we are both furious and heartbroken. More: Variety

Note 18: Joint exit poll shows liberal candidate Lee forecast to win South Korean presidential election More: CNN

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re getting real. ICE is terrorizing American communities, and American communities aren’t having that shit. Let ‘em know! Shame! Shame! Shame!

Note 20: And on that inspiring note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having an awesome week so far. And we hope that Stephen A. Smith’s announcement is that he’s going to fuck all the way off. Love y’all!

Mazel!
Huge congratulations to Dr. Alisha Kramer and her husband, Sen. Jon Ossoff, on the birth of their daughter, Lila Rose Ossoff. Since winning his seat the day before the Jan. 6 attack, Ossoff has proven to be a rising star in the Democratic Party and someone we think can lead us to where we want to go. Between this and not having to run for reelection against a three-toed monster named Marjorie, Ossoff is having a pretty good year. Now is this the kind of thing we normally highlight in the news section? No. But it’s great fucking news, and we all need more of that. Congrats! More: FOX5 Atlanta

Anti-white discrimination
If that sounds stupid it’s because it is. But it’s the reason the Trump administration is giving for attacking the independent Harvard Law Review in its latest bullshit battle against higher education. Yeah, the NYT is reporting that the Justice Department has been sending letters to the law review accusing them of anti-white discrimination. They even claim to have a witness who just happens to work for Stephen Miller now. Our guess is that this is all because Barack Obama was the first Black editor of the Harvard Law Review. More: New York Times

FEMA is fucked
The worst thing you can do in Trumpland is make the mistake of thinking things can’t get dumber. They definitely can. Just look at the new FEMA director David Richardson. We say new because he’s the second one Trump put in the job since taking office in January. And the new guy is a fucking moron. According to Reuters, dude left the staff at FEMA totally freaked out by saying he didn’t know there was a hurricane season. There is, dumbshit, and it started on June 1. He is now claiming he was just joking. We don’t believe him. Dog help us all. More: CBS News, NBC News

Today’s clips
New York Lt. Gov. Antonio Delgado launched a Democratic primary challenge against Gov. Kathy Hochul on Monday, saying in a video announcing his campaign that the state needs “bold, decisive, transformational leadership.” More: NBC News

Private insurers and state officials are warning of utter chaos in the insurance markets if a last-minute change to the House GOP’s megabill survives in the Senate. More: Politico

President Donald Trump on Monday appeared to undercut a proposal that was offered by his special envoy to Iran, saying he will insist that Tehran fully dismantle its nuclear enrichment program as part of any deal to ease crushing sanctions. More: HuffPost

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