Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And it woke up way too goddamn early.
Note: We’re coming to you super early today, Sexy Patriots. Our dear Sam is a goddamn lunatic who wanted to get up at 3 a.m. to go surf a new break. We let him go because, well, we all need a new fucking break. We read the comments. We know y’all are fried to hell and back just like us. It’s been a decade of dumbfuck, and we’re all worn out…
Preach. You know how Trump wears giant diapers because he poops himself in public a lot? Well he produces chaos the way he produces shit — loudly, relentlessly and stankily. He has filled our national pants with chaos and left chaotic skidmarks on our collective undies. And we are fucking sick of it. All of it. We know y’all are too. That’s one of the reasons we’re so fucking grateful y’all have hung with us. We know it ain’t easy giving a damn these days, and we think it’s awesome that you do.
We’d love to tell you we’re 45 days away from a new world where we can all move on with our lives, but at this point we all know that there’s only one future event that will actually bring an end to this crap-covered chaos. But what we can get in 45 days is a reset, a little bit of weight off our shoulders, a slight sigh of relief, some accountability and the satisfaction of kicking some giant orange ass all over the country. So please dig deep, Sexy Patriots. We’re tired but we still got enough in the tank for a reckoning. Keep kicking ass, and y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: The guy who runs the Postal Service says he stopped working on that evil computer system that Trump wanted him to use to mess with mail-in ballots. Do we believe him? Not really. More: NBC News
Note three: The asshole who assaulted Rep. Ilhan Omar got 14 months in the clink. That’s not enough. But still, see ya’ wouldn’t wanna be ya’, dickface. More: The Guardian
Note four: South Park is back and back to making fun of Trump’s little weiner. You love to see it. South Park. Not the little weiner. More: HuffPost
Note five: Hey Democratic candidates, please stop listening to chickenshit strategists who are scared of their own shadows. These are the same losers who told Tim Walz to stop calling the couch-fucker weird.
Note six: Hey South Carolina! We never thought we’d say this but be like George Will. Just this once. More: HuffPost
Note seven: We worry about Hollywood dying. Mostly because of all the jobs lost. But if the studios are gonna be too chickenshit to run documentaries about the world’ richest man then Hollywood might already be dead? (Except for Coyote vs. Acme, which was awesome.) More: Holywood Reporter
Note eight: Trump has to give 30 days notice before he tears down the Kennedy Center. Or he’ll just do it anyway. More: The Hill
Note nine: Chuck Grassley turned 93 yesterday. What’s the opposite of Happy Birthday? More: ABC6
Note 10: Hey so the guy in charge of our health is fucking nuts. Like totally and completely fucking nuts. We continue to believe that’s a bad thing.
Note 11: You know how Trump and his loser pals keep blaming Biden for everything? Well Americans aren’t buying it. Probably because it’s stupid. More: HuffPost
Note 12: Hey we know you’re having trouble paying for gas and food and medicine, but things are really awesome for Melania. And isn’t that really what we all care about most? More: HuffPost
Note 13: He really is just the dumbest sonofabitch on the whole goddamn planet.
Note 14: This is big. According to the Marquette poll, 53 percent of Americans favor expanding the Supreme Court. If you’re thinking about running for president in 2028, you better have a plan. More: Marquette
Note 15: Mike Little Johnson wants people to believe that the same Congress that took off work to avoid votes on Epstein and Hegseth is one of the most productive Congresses ever. Even Twitter isn’t buying it. More: HuffPost
Note 16: Sen. John Cornyn is getting closer to joining the resistance. If we’ll have him. More: HuffPost
Note 17: There’s no way Natalie let him see this, right?
Note 18: Wanna hear something fucking wild? Early voting is starting today. Make a plan, y’all. More: AP
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we have a question for you. Who are you supporting? Who are you excited about? Who are you pitching in with because you think they need the help? We don’t want to get too personal, but we know y’all are out there doing the hard work of democracy and we’d be curious to hear about it. Thanks for all that you do and for keeping us from totally losing what’s left of our shit.
Note 20: And on that thirsty note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all have the most amazing weekend. And don’t forget to take breaks. Because we’re all RIGHT THERE ON THE FUCKING EDGE! Love y’all!
Gas Man
Man, Trump has sure fucked us all good, hasn’t he? The guy who took our toilet paper is back and this time he’s taking our money. According to AAA, the price for a gallon of regular went up 25 cents in Iowa between Wednesday and Thursday. In Wisconsin, it was 23 cents, and in Michigan it was 22 cents. This is why Republicans can’t stop talking about trans people and twitch streamers. Because Americans are fucking furious. Thanks, Trump.
More: Washington Post
Run!
It’s been interesting the last few weeks to see Republicans in safe Republican areas start to distance themselves from Trump and remove his name and image from their websites. But Republican Rep. Maria Elvira Salazar of Florida has taken it one step further, shooting an ad outside the White House that accuses Trump of going “too far” with his thuggish immigration moves. DHS fired back at the congresswoman and the whole MAGA chode crew were furious. Still, how fucked up are her numbers that she did this? As many people pointed out, this is a Trump +6 district. If Republicans are this worried about a district like this in a state like Florida, then it might be a goddamn bluenami.
More: The Guardian
Epstein Files Part Deux
Rep. Ro Khanna announced last night that he and Rep. Thomas Massie have secured the 218th vote they needed to force a second vote on releasing the Epstein files. But of course Mike Little Johnson has sent Congress home so he can avoid votes like this one, so that means we won’t see the vote until after the November elections. How convenient. Wanna bet that this thing gets way more than 218 votes after we take back the House? Thank you to Ro and Massie for keeping their foot on the gas here. Even after it cost Massie his seat.
More: Washington Sun
Today’s clips
Warren Buffett is stepping down as chairman of Berkshire Hathaway, after more than 60 years guiding the firm that turned him into a household name for millions of investors worldwide. More: NBC News
Hundreds of thousands of Iranians rallied Friday in a government-organized show of defiance after months of war, pledging their readiness to take up arms in the biggest such demonstration since the United States and Israel attacked in February. More: NBC News
SEOUL, South Korea — South Korean President Lee Jae Myung said Friday that he would not deploy military assets to the Middle East in a way that could draw the country into conflict, but that Seoul was reviewing whether to play a greater role in safeguarding navigation in the region. More: NBC News
MINNEAPOLIS — A federal immigration officer charged with shooting a Venezuelan man during the immigration crackdown that roiled Minneapolis early this year made a brief first appearance Thursday before a Minnesota judge, following months of legal and political battles over whether he would be extradited from Texas to face state charges. More: NBC News
As President Donald Trump tries to convince voters that Democrats have let crime run amok, he’s digging into the country’s political past to reference one of the most controversial campaign advertisements that relied heavily on racist tropes. More: AP
CAIRO (AP) — It’s been a week since Yemen’s Iran-backed Houthi rebels stormed down the Red Sea coast, extending their reach to a key maritime chokepoint and threatening Saudi Arabia’s oil exports. More: AP
A three-time Donald Trump voter tore into the president and Trump-backing Republicans during a call to SiriusXM’s “The Megyn Kelly Wrap-Up Show.”
“I’m a three-time Trump voter. There’s no way in hell that I’m voting for another Republican that supports this guy,” said the caller, identified as James from Virginia, in an audio clip of the exchange that was shared online by the nonprofit research center Media Matters for America on Thursday. More: HuffPost
WASHINGTON, Sept 17 (Reuters) - The US Department of State said on Thursday it has approved the potential sale of Lockheed Martin’s F-35 Lightning II fighter jets to Saudi Arabia, as the kingdom is drawn deeper into war in the Middle East. More: HuffPost
Radio host Charlamagne Tha God peppered Vice President JD Vance and the Trump administration with questions on Thursday after the vice president appeared to beg voters earlier in the week for “another chance” ahead of the upcoming midterms. More: HuffPost
I’m throwing my support to Angie Nixon in FL. 🙏🏻♥️
I think you nailed it again I hope the rotten orange man doesn’t hurt the voters even more than he already has.