Cope and change

It’s Thursday. There are 362 days until the midterm elections. Zo gets off to a great start, Trump’s tariff troubles and a giant steps down.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It allows us to tell the New York Times to kiss our hot asses.

Note: Hey there, Sexy Patriots! Still on a high from Tuesday and refusing to come down? Yeah, us too. There was so much good news to process that we assumed someone spiked our coffees. By last night, we were desperate for something to bring us back to our bleak reality. And that’s when we were reminded about Nancy Mace and how she’s the worst fucking person on the planet…

Yiiiikes. She sure is a charmer, ain’t she? Nothing says I want to be your governor like telling your state’s big airport and the people who work there to fuck off. Yeah, if you haven’t been following this story, Mace has declared war on the airport for not providing proper security even though she showed up at the wrong place and in the wrong car. South Carolina Republicans like Tim Scott and Trey Gowdy are even calling her out.

Longtime readers of this newsletter know that we are fond of the expression “crazier than a shithouse rat.” A year or so ago, we interviewed that shithouse rat about Mace. We thought we should follow up…

Us: Hey there, Shithouse Rat!

Shithouse Rat: Hey guys! Name’s Gary. Love the newsletter.

Us: It’s great to see you, Gary. So is Nancy Mace crazier than you?

Gary the Shithouse Rat: Oh I don’t think there’s any question. I’m really worried about her. We used to hang out in bathrooms together, terrorizing trans people and deep inhaling those sweet, sweet farts. Now I don’t even feel like I know her anymore.

Us: Wow. So even a shithouse rat thinks Nancy Mace is crazy.

Gary: Yeah, she’s a fucking mess, and I feel sorry for her. Now I’m off to eat some poop.

Us: Take it easy, Gary!

So there you have it. The shithouse rat says Nancy Mace is crazier than him. We agree. Eat shit, Nancy. It’s what you’re good at. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We obviously have a HUGE retirement in the House to talk about today, but first we want to note that Rep. Jared Golden is stepping down. A lot of folks are claiming this is a loss for Dems because we’ll probably lose that moderate seat. Maybe. But we think a member who votes with Trump all the time sucks pretty hard too. More: NBC

Note three: Republicans were really, really, really having a hard time with this week’s election results. They should get used to the feeling of a righteous ass-whoopin’. More: HuffPost

Note four: Goddamnit, Duffy. This is why you don’t put an MTV reality show host in charge of the skies. More: AP News

Note five: It’s honestly amazing how quickly Trump fucked up the economy. It seems like the only thing he’s really good at.

Note six: Today the New York Times editorial page has a chat with Ross Douthat called “Did Women Ruin the Workplace?” So yeah, congrats to everyone who is still subscribed to that fucking garbage. NO GODDAMN LINK

Note seven: FREE THE SANDWICH GUY!!! More: NBC

Note eight: Donald Trump, who thinks “groceries” is an old-fashioned word, now thinks that “affordability” is a new word. Real man of the people, ain’t he? It was pretty hilarious yesterday watching Trump try to outright steal Zohran Mamdani’s winning message. Good luck with that. More: HuffPost

Note nine: We did probably our happiest therapy session yet yesterday. If you missed it, you can catch us here.

Note 10: LOLOL! Seriously. They are not taking this well.

Note 11: Some disgusting piece of shit groped the Mexican president in public, and she is gonna make his gross ass regret it. We hope he rots. More: Mediaite

Note 12: There are now rumblings about Marjorie Taylor Greene running for president. Apparently America can get dumber. More: NOTUS

Note 13: We had so much election news to process yesterday that we missed two huge statewide wins in Georgia (the first non-federal statewide wins since 2006) and Democrats breaking the GOP supermajority in Mississippi. Now that’s a good goddamn election night. More: Atlanta News First, AP News

Note 14: The persecution of asshead James Comey doesn’t seem to be going great. That’s probably a good thing. Damnit. More: NBC

Note 15: Um, we’ve never seen a president have to label the Oval Office before. Most of them just know it’s the room that’s not a rectangle.

Note 16: We decided not to post the video of ICE thugs arresting a daycare worker because it is seriously fucking upsetting. But you should still watch it. Let it fuel your fires and keep you fighting. More: AP News

Note 17: George Santos says he’s leaving NYC because they elected Mamdani. Congratulations to both Mamdani and NYC. More: HuffPost

Note 18: You can really see Trump’s desperation as he tries to wreck the filibuster. But you can also see his weakness as Republican senators say no for the first time. The lamest duck. More: NBC

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you back to Tuesday night and Mamdani’s election night party. We are very much here for calling out the centrists who told us we had to kiss orange ass in order to win. So we approve this message…

Note 20: And on that hilarious and inebriated note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are enjoying this week. Please remember to be safe out there and stay far the fuck away from Nancy Mace. Love y’all!

Go Zo!

While the right-wing world (and far too many Democrats) were melting down over Zohran Mamdani’s win yesterday, the mayor-elect was getting to work. He had lunch with AOC, and he announced an all-female transition leadership team. Meanwhile, everyone from the New York Daily News to Fox were telling Mamdani he has to stop being himself and abandon all his campaign promises if he wants to be a good mayor. LOL. Sadly, we have learned a lot about islamophobia and racism in our own party, and it’s been pretty fucking disappointing. Cope, bitches.

More: The Guardian

Tariff trouble

Donald Trump was sweating more than usual yesterday, and that’s really saying something. The reason Trump is freaked out — other than our kick-ass election results — is because the corrupt Supreme Court that he rigged doesn’t seem to think his tariff bullshit is legal. Oopsie. Supreme Court watchers said that yesterday’s arguments in front of the court did not go well for Trump, and we tend to agree as his Solicitor General and the Chief Justice acknowledged that tariffs are a tax on Americans. Double oopsie. We have zero idea what happens if they strike down this crazy shit, but we’d sure love to see it happen.

More: CNN

Thank you, ma’am

The political world was rocked this morning by the news that Speaker Emerita Nancy Pelosi will not seek re-election next year. We will talk about the political ramifications of this later. Today we just want to say thank you. Nancy Pelosi has been a powerful and strong leader for Democrats for a very long time, and you would be hard pressed to find any of our victories that don’t have her fingerprints all over them. A lot of us have health insurance because of her. And we will never ever forget how she fucked with Trump and led a powerful resistance during the first orange administration. We are damn grateful, and we want to wish Speaker Pelosi the best in retirement.

More: HuffPost

Today’s clips

The Trump administration has admitted it made a mistake in its calculation of how much to cut food benefits this month because of the government shutdown. More: HuffPost

Sens. Jacky Rosen (D-NV) and Bernie Moreno (R-OH) sparred in a tense exchange on Wednesday over the shutdown, and Moreno apparently tracking Rosen’s car to try and argue she’s a hypocrite. The shouting match happened during a Senate Commerce Committee meeting on transportation department nominees. More: Mediaite

Human-caused climate change boosted the destructive winds and rain unleashed by Hurricane Melissa and increased the temperatures and humidity that fueled the storm, according to an analysis released Thursday. More: AP News

Heritage Foundation President Kevin Roberts admitted that he’d “made a mistake” regarding his staunch defense of former Fox News host Tucker Carlson after his softball interview with white supremacist Nick Fuentes, The Washington Free Beacon reports. More: HuffPost