Burying a Butthead

It’s Tuesday. There are 98 days until the midterm elections. Trump asks SCOTUS to help him steal the midterms, the Reflecting Pool case falls apart and burying Trump’s little bitch.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. So you know it’s cool as shit.

Note: Hey there, Sexy Patriots! We hate to spoil today’s newsletter for you, but everything is gross and stupid. The good news is we are nearing the day when we can do something about it. The bad news is we seem determined as a party to destroy each other. Seriously, y’all. The infighting out there is nuts! We need this Michigan primary to be over like yesterday.

It can be so discouraging to think we’re all fighting the same enemy and then open up social media and see a bunch of lefties going after Jon Ossoff. It’s enough to make you wonder if we’re capable of coming together to defeat the very real threat of fascism. So today, we would like to remind you exactly who it is we’re up against…

Sonofa… See?! See?! That decrepit little shit does this every fucking night. And we respond by attacking each other? That’s fucking insane! Last week, he said we are all “deformed.” Now he’s calling us freaks, weirdos, losers and crazies. Maybe that’s what he and Kristen Welker were bonding over this weekend. But we don’t think it’s funny at all. In fact, it makes our fucking blood boil. Even if we are freaks and weirdos.

So can we please, for the love of all that is holy and all that isn’t, get our fucking shit together and remember to hate the right fucking people?! Because we promise they are focused on hating you. And they are very good at it. So let’s get on the same page and remember who the fascists are. Before they finish us off. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: How about some therapy today? Great! We’ll see you at 4 p.m. ET/ 1 p.m. PT.

Note three: Btw, while Democrats are destroying each other, Stephen Miller is getting people murdered. We know Meet the Press won’t give a shit, but the rest of us should. More: STLPR

Note four: So our understanding is these DSA folks are paid by Republicans, which is the only way any of this makes any damn sense. Because otherwise it’s just a great way to fuck everything up for everyone. More: The Hill

Note five: We want to take a second to say a giant THANK YOU to this hero who called Trump a “pedo protector” to his face in Michigan yesterday. How many times does this have to happen before the beltway media take it seriously?

Note six: Hey we totally forgot to tell the Los Angeles Dodgers to go fuck themselves! Yeah, the team whose fans have been tormented by ICE went to the White House to yuck it up with the guy who sent ICE to L.A. What a shit thing to do to your fans. Thank you to Mookie Betts and Kike Hernandez for skipping this gross shit. More: The Guardian

Note seven: Andy Beshear is calling out the rotting corpse of Mitch McConnell. We’ve seen a lot of folks on our side getting mad at Andy for not doing more. Please trust Andy on this. He has done a lot in a state that elected Rand Paul. He has earned the benefit of the doubt. More: CNN

Note eight: ICE used racial slurs when going after people in Los Angeles. We wish we were surprised by this, but this is exactly what Trump wanted. More: LA Times

Note nine: We need this Minnesota primary to end too. It’s getting gross. More: HuffPost

Note 10: Here’s an update on the war in Iran. It ain’t going great…

Note 11: It’s gonna be a shitty day for President Zelensky. He has to meet with Trump. Stay strong, Z! More: AP

Note 12: The attacks on Mayor Mamdani are pure Islamophobia, and we are enormously disappointed to see so much of it from people on our side. More: Popular

Note 13: Trump is also meeting with Bibi today. Gosh, we sure hope those two make up so they can get back to murdering lots of innocent people. More: AP

Note 14: Dear Wisconsin Democrats, please don’t fuck up this governors race. Thank you for your attention to this matter. More: AP

Note 15: This guy is running against Sherrod Brown, and he’s telling us we have to have data centers. Please show this to every single person you know in Ohio…

Note 16: We know we’ve all been burned before, but it’s damn hard not to get excited about these polls out of Texas. We need all Democrats to be on the same page there. PLEASE!!! More: Texas Tribune

Note 17: Back on Wisconsin for a minute. We saw the news about those terrible tornadoes and we’re sending love. Hang in there, Badger State. More: AP

Note 18: Elon Leon Musk has been crashing out even more than usual lately. Probably because SpaceX stock is having unscheduled rapid disassembles. More: Yahoo

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, you gotta check out this YouGov poll. Ever wonder how LeBron’s favorable numbers stack up against Bibi’s? Well we got you…

Note 20: And on that illuminating note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a good week so far. And remember, hate never wins. Unless you’re hating Stephen Miller, and then you’re a winner in our book. Love y’all!

Cheater-in-Chief

Trump is desperate to stop Americans from voting this November, so he’s asking his friends at the Supreme Court to get involved. Specifically, Trump wants to stop Americans from voting by mail like he does. As you all know, there is nothing wrong with voting by mail. Nothing. But Trump has convinced himself that’s why he lost in 2020, so he’s doing everything he can to stop us. Guess we’ll find out pretty quick just how eager SCOTUS is to help this fucker steal the election.

More: AP

Poolshit

Get it? Like bullshit? Yeah, the case against Olympian David Hearn is falling apart fast. Not only did Jeanine Pirro’s dumb ass mess around with the Grand Jury, but a crucial witness has made clear that the damage was done before Hearn even got near it. When this bullshit finally goes down the drain, Pirro needs to be disbarred.

More: NBC News

Bye, Buttmouth

Washington is burying Lindsey Graham today. We’re excited because this is pretty much the final confirmation that the war-horny little shit is really dead. Trump is scheduled to give remarks, so you know it’s going to be appalling. And we really love that for Lindsey.

More: The Guardian

Today’s clips

In the wake of Savannah Guthrie releasing a new video pleading for the return of her mother, Pima County Sheriff Chris Nanos emphasized that the case is “still active” nearly six months after Nancy Guthrie’s disappearance. More: NBC News

HOUSTON — A federal judge on Monday ordered U.S. immigration authorities to release a key witness in the fatal shooting of a Mexican homebuilder by a U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement officer in Houston. More: NBC News

TOKYO (AP) — An earthquake registering a magnitude of 7.1 shook Japan’s southern main island of Kyushu and caused part of a shopping center to collapse on Tuesday, leaving dozens of people missing or injured, officials and reports said. A tsunami advisory was issued but quickly lifted. More: AP

LEGE-CAP FERRET, France (AP) — French authorities ordered nearly 4,000 more people to evacuate Tuesday from tourist sites on the Atlantic coast as returning heat threatened firefighters’ fragile hold on a vast wildfire west of Bordeaux. The blaze in the Gironde region has burned an area four times the size of Paris and forced 220,000 people to evacuate. More: AP

President Donald Trump on Monday said people in blue cities are “not clean,” matching the “dirty sidewalks” they walk and “terrible smell” from curbs splattered with “you-know-what.” More: HuffPost

DETROIT (AP) — A major new bridge linking Canada and the U.S. at Detroit opened Monday to trucks, cars and other vehicles, the climax of a yearslong project that lately had been bruised a bit by international politics. More: HuffPost