Boooooooooo

It’s Tuesday. There are 441 days until the midterm elections. Texas Republicans take a hostage, Cuomo accidentally tells the truth and Trump phones a friend.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it never outed two Fox eff buddies.

Housekeeping note: Today’s therapy session with Sam and Adam will begin at 4:30 PM ET/1:30 PM PT for those that can join! Love y’all!

Note: Ya know, Sexy Patriots, John McCain used to like to quote Chairman Mao. Yeah, it sounds crazy now, but this was before everyone lost their goddamn minds. McCain liked to say “it’s always darkest before it’s totally black.” It was always good for a chuckle. But these days it seems apt. Apt as hell. We say that because we get it if you are feeling overwhelmed or down in the dumps by the relentless monsoon of fascist fuckheadery. But we are here to tell you today, that hope ain’t dead. Just ask Elise Stefanik…

BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! FUCK YOU, ELISE!!! If you don’t know, Elise Stefanik is Trump trash who thinks she’s going to be governor of New York. It sure sounds like the people of New York feel differently. Elise has sold her soul to Trump, defending racists and Jan. 6. So it is really fucking cathartic watching her get booed to hell and back.

But it’s also a good reminder that Americans aren’t taking this bullshit lying down. Every weekend, people are out protesting. Every single time a Republican dares to show their face at a townhall, they get booed and cussed like syphilis. Look how fucking desperate Trump already is to cheat next year. America hates these assholes, and the assholes know it. So please keep booing and keep fighting and keep your heads up. Because fuck these assholes. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Did you see our groundbreaking livestream with J.D. Scholten & Josh Turek who came together for their first joint interview since J.D. suspended his campaign and endorsed Josh!? Check it out! These guys are an incredible duo.

Note three: Just a heads up, but we’re going to take Friday off. We’re sorry, but every once in a while we have to charge up the ol’ cussing machine here at AltMedia HQ. If you really need some cussing that day, just shoot us a note and we’ll see what we can do.

Note four: It looks like top officials at DOJ were in on federal officers arresting a Democratic mayor. Thank goodness the Justice Department isn’t weaponized anymore. More: Politico

Note five: Want to see something hilarious? Watch these kiss-asses squirm as Trump outs Ainsley’s relationship with Hannity. Who would’ve guessed these freaks are all having incestuous relationships like a bunch of rats fucking in a box?

Note six: It seems really bad to us that the Confederacy is invading D.C. But we’re sensitive like that. More: Yahoo

Note seven: We have great love for the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Unfortunately, hurricanes feel the same way. Be safe out there! More: HuffPost

Note eight: Trump said this morning he is worried about getting into Heaven. He fucking should be. We talked to God and she said he can eat shit. More: Mediaite

Note nine: Susan Collins has a new challenger. We hope she’s concerned. More: HuffPost

Note 10: Say what you will about Gavin Newsom, but that man is living under the skin of the Trumplicks. We’d say he’s broken their brains, but that seems to be a pre-existing condition.

Note 11: How much does Dan Bongino suck? They’re getting him a babysitter. Maybe this asshole can find the Epstein files. More: Politico

Note 12: Speaking of the Epstein files, the buttlicks at House Oversight say that DOJ has agreed to start handing over the files. We’re old enough to remember when Pam Bondi said there were no files. It sure seems like Republicans are taking some time to put a new conspiracy together, don’t it? More: Associated Press

Note 13: The New York Times has a story about how Republicans wanted the Epstein story to go away, but it ain’t. Do you know how obvious this shit has to be for even the New York Times to see it? More: New York Times

Note 14: Vermont’s Republican governor is declining Trump’s request to send National Guard troops to D.C. We had no idea Republicans were allowed to tell their orange daddy no. More: Vermont Public

Note 15: Oh look. Here’s President Limpdick J. Cankles admitting he wants to get rid of mail-in ballots so he can rig elections.

Note 16: Reuters has Trump’s approval rating at 40 percent. So 40 percent of respondents are fucking idiots. More: Reuters

Note 17: We know you’re gonna be shocked by this, but there’s another little neo-nazi bitch weasel working in the federal government. At this point it would be quicker to just name the people who aren’t incel white supremacists. More: The Independent

Note 18: RFK Jr. is a deranged freak who is going to get a lot of people killed. Also, WHY THE FUCK IS THIS WEIRDO ALWAYS WORKING OUT IN JEANS?! More: MSNBC

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we were gonna just show you the video of Stefanik getting booed again. But instead here’s a story about President Zelensky roasting Marjorie Taylor Greene’s gross weirdo boyfriend yesterday. Git his ass, Z. More: HuffPost

Note 20: And on that satisfying note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week so far. Or at least better than Elise Stefanik’s. We hope she hears that shit in her sleep. Love y’all!

Hostage situation
Texas Republicans continue to embrace fascism at every turn. After House Democrats returned to the state yesterday, the GOP declared Democrats could only leave the chamber if they signed a piece of paper giving permission to some thug to follow them around like a goddamn parole officer. Well Rep. Nicole Collier said fuck that shit. Collier spent the night in the House chamber because she refuses to be followed around by a state trooper. Make no mistake — Collier is a political prisoner here in our own country. We’re damn grateful to her for taking this stand, and we’re hopeful more elected Democrats will get her back. More: CNN

Andrew Cuomump
That’s us trying to combine the names Cuomo and Trump, because a vote for one is a vote for the other. But don’t take our word for it. Just listen to Cuomo at a Hamptons fundraiser. This fucking ghoul is seriously counting on Trump to help him win the New York City mayoral race. So not only is he a sex pest and grandma-killer but he’s also really fucking stupid about politics. We’d like to encourage this thinking. Cuomo should appear with Trump every chance he gets. A new poll came out yesterday showing Mamdani with a massive lead still, but we’re sure we can make it bigger. More: Politico

Putin’s puss
It was a big day at the White House yesterday as European leaders joined Zelensky to prevent another ambush. The leaders tried to use flattery and baby talk to get the moron-in-chief to stop supporting a murderous dictator, but dipshit actually left the fucking meeting to call Putin while it was happening. This morning on Fox, Trump talked about the “warmth” he feels with Putin while again blaming Ukraine for being invaded. We have now had a lot of big meetings in the last few days, and this war is no closer to being over. Why? Because Trump belongs to Putin. It’s that simple and it always was. More: The Hill

Today’s clips
House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-La.) slammed California Democrats’ proposed House map on Monday, saying he’s taking measures to stop the new congressional lines from advancing. More: The Hill

For the first time in 30 years, the American Academy of Pediatrics is substantially diverging from U.S. government vaccine recommendations. More: NBC News

Actor Chris Pratt urged critics of President Donald Trump to be more “reasonable” and not “allergic” to his successes. More: Mediaite

Russia struck the central Ukrainian city of Kremenchuk overnight, leaving a thick column of smoke hovering over the city in an attack that the local mayor called a sign that Russian President Vladimir Putin does not want peace. More: HuffPost

U.S. Attorney General Pam Bondi says Washington, D.C., residents are so grateful for the increased presence of federalized law enforcement that they’re personally approaching officers on the street and quietly “whispering” their thanks. More: HuffPost

The latest from Adam: