Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. So it can tell Matthew McConaughey to eat Joe Manchin’s shit.
Note: It’s getting close, Sexy Patriots. Election Day is almost here. It’s an intense time, and we’re all focused on what we can do to win. That said, we do think it’s important to spend a few minutes today asking what the effing fuck is going on with Trump’s newfound love of dudes’ butts…
Okayyyyyy. Weird. This ain’t even the first time he’s done this. It’s actually part of his stump speech now. Yeah, there’s an ass section of the president’s midterm speech. Hard to believe they’re doing so poorly in the polls. So what the hell is going on here? Well our theory is that Trump is an ass man. And we don’t mean that he’s into asses over say legs or breasts or prominent foreheads. We mean he is a human being who is made up entirely of ass. His body looks like ass, his face looks like an ass and he’s got ass for brains. And y’all have seen that massive caboose he’s dragging around. He is a sentient butt with arms and legs. He’s all ass!
Still don’t believe us? Well listen to the man talk. If that orange mouth ain’t an open butthole then we don’t know what is. So what do we do with this weird and unsettling knowledge? Easy. We do what we do best, and we kick some ass. Let’s fucking go! Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: We’re gonna talk about what a shitshow CBS is today in the news section, but we want to make sure you saw the piece we did yesterday about how Big Media and Big Tech are out to get us all. The fuckers.
What We’re Up Against
CBS News Chief Legal Correspondent Jan Crawfor deleted her tweet Sunday Morning, but it was too late.
Note three: THANK YOU to everyone who turned out for a No Kings rally this weekend. We’re so glad the president of the United States didn’t post a video of himself dropping shit all over you this time. More: MS Now
Note four: President Barack Obama spoke out in defense of Ilhan Omar and American values this weekend. We’re damn grateful. Maybe this will inspire Democratic leadership to do more for one of their own members. More: NBC News
Note five: Just more than two weeks before an election and actor and dumbfuck Matthew McConaughey is telling people to vote independent. He might as well have endorsed Ken Paxton. And mentioning Joe Manchin? Dude, get the fuck outta here… More: Threads
Note six: Pete Hegseth lost another airman. This time it was at a college football game. Maybe it’s time to stop these grotesque displays of forced patriotism at sporting events. More: The Guardian
Note seven: Donald Trump is really, really, really unpopular. Probably because he’s a fucking asshole. More: NBC News
Note eight: Anybody wonder what Katie Zacharia is up to today? Yeah, we don’t give a shit either.
Note nine: Trump endorsed Bibi for reelection. He also threatened to cut off Israel if they don’t vote how he says. So yeah, these democracies are doing great. More: NBC News
Note 10: JD Vance had a rough interview this weekend. And they didn’t even mention the couch stuff.
Note 11: The mainstream media are trying to make a thing out of Troy Jackson saying “oh shut up” to Susan Collins. If he’d called her piggy, they wouldn’t care at all. Right? More: AP
Note 12: Georgia Bulldogs legend Todd Gurley traveled with Trump last week. So Georgia lost this weekend. That’s what you get, Todd. More: Yahoo Sports
Note 13: We’d like to take this opportunity to invite James Carville to eat shit, fuck off and kiss our hot asses. What a prick.
Note 14: You know it’s bad for Trump’s Republicans when even ass-kissing news anchors are tired of them blaming Biden for everything. More: HuffPost
Note 15: HuffPo has a handy guide to help us all avoid dressing like MAGA. We just figured as long as we didn’t bend over and shove our own heads up our asses then we were probably fine. More: HuffPost
Note 16: Trump is campaigning in Kansas today. Let that sink in. Fifteen days out from an election, and the Republican president is worried about Kansas. Things sure have changed here on the farm we were forced to sell off. More: AP
Note 17: Want to get hyped up? Then check out the Friday Night Lights crew cutting an ad for Talarico. Full hearts, clear eyes, can’t lose.
Note 18: While Trump is campaigning in Kansas and Iowa this week, the House Democratic leader is in Ohio. Sounds like we’re on offense, don’t it? More: AP
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, well, get ready for some goosebumps. Because this is the inspiration we all need to see…
Note 20: And on that beautiful note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had a great weekend. We also hope you’re not so full of shit that you’re turning into a giant butt. Love y’all!
Axis of Assholes
Trump made it official this weekend that he is selling out and betraying Ukraine and the cause of freedom for his buddy Putin. Between the Starlink bullshit and accusations that the U.S. hasn’t actually sent any money to Ukraine for the past year, Trump has decided to try and cut out Ukraine completely. Putin is suggesting a meeting with only Russia, the U.S. and China to decide Ukraine’s fate. We’re calling it the Axis of Assholes. If Ukraine is to have any hope at all for survival, then it is imperative we win these midterms. So it’s not just our own country that we’re trying to save.
CBSucks
By now you know how we feel about what CBS Chief Legal Correspondent Jan Crawford did this weekend. But it gets so much worse. According to Semafor, CBS News head Bari Weiss has been interfering with the network’s journalists to try and get them to chase right-wing bullshit about El-Sayed and 9/11 or Talarico having the flu. Maybe this is why their ratings are in the fucking toilet. Piss off the media and vote blue.
More: Semafor
Fore!
The Middle East is in flames, America’s enemies are ascendant, Americans can’t afford gas or food and the president of the United States is focused on a golf course. But it’s not just any golf course. This course belongs to the people of D.C., and Trump is stealing it from them. East Potomac Park is a great place where you will find people of all backgrounds enjoying the scenery or one of three golf courses. It’s not fancy, but it’s not expensive. And so of course Trump is wrecking it all so he can build a course for rich assholes. And to make things even worse, he’s attacking a federal judge who is trying to decide if this is even legal. As disgusted as we are by all this, we can’t help but laugh that this is what this deranged fuck is focused on two weeks out from an election. What a fucking idiot.
More: AP
Today’s clips
WASHINGTON (AP) — A National Guard member was shot and injured while trying to break up a fight in the nation’s capital, and the person suspected of firing the gun also was shot in an exchange with guard members, police said Monday. More: AP
Miller’s has been a safe GOP-leaning district, but it is one Democrats now feel optimistic they can flip. Their candidate is Brian Poindexter, a 46-year-old union ironworker who has attracted a strong following among the many service and manufacturing workers in Ohio’s 7th Congressional District. More: AP
President Donald Trump’s efforts to interfere with the 2026 elections have almost universally failed. Courts have halted his most egregious actions, Congress has rejected his anti-voting legislation and civil groups have stepped up to support election officials.
The list of Trump’s failures is long. More: HuffPost
PARIS, Oct 19 (Reuters) - The mayors of France’s biggest cities on Monday demanded answers from the government to what they called a lack of preparation by security forces as the country licked its wounds from a weekend of rioting and looting. More: HuffPost
CAIRO/GAZA, Oct 19 (Reuters) - The U.N. World Food Programme has said funding shortages are forcing major cuts to its aid programme in Gaza, leaving about 500,000 people without monthly food support in a territory where two-thirds of the population struggle to get enough to eat. More: HuffPost
JERUSALEM (AP) — The photographer with The Washington Post who was attacked by Jewish settlers in the occupied West Bank so badly that several vertebrae were broken said Sunday she was increasingly angry that Israel’s military seems to protect settlers more than the Palestinians they threaten. More: HuffPost
WASHINGTON, Oct 17 (Reuters) - President Donald Trump is blaming senior aides and political operatives for a faltering midterm strategy, questioning campaign spending, faulting redistricting and second-guessing candidate choices as Republicans fight to retain control of Congress, said three people familiar with internal discussions. More: HuffPost
Beneath the hollow theater of "America First," the syndicate has perfected a simple, devastating grift: wrapping a Kremlin-aligned protection racket in the American flag.
From blinding Ukrainian air defenses for billionaire oligarchs and nullifying bipartisan sanctions to keep Putin’s war chest flush, to exposing billions in U.S. troop locations, fabricating RICO plots against refugees, and looting teen health funds for a gilded ballroom, this administration has crossed the line from corruption into active treason.
Donald Trump operates not as a statesman, but as a traitor to the constitutional republic, providing direct aid and comfort to its enemies while hiding behind corporate media cowardice and public fatigue.
The Human Firewall does not submit. We hold the line.
BTW- That CBS reporter didn't actually apologize to Al-Sayed for misrepresenting his "3 minute diatribe." She apologized because she violated some esoteric CBS guideline. She's the freaking CBS News Legal reporter and she doesn't even get that "Tommy" was arguing for Christian Nationalism, while Al-Sayed was arguing for one of our most basic freedoms: freedom of religion. She should have been fired immediately for bias.