Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But maybe not as much as Kim Guilfoyle. LOL.
Note: If there’s one thing we love besides your hot asses, Sexy Patriots, it’s watching Republicans flounder. And man are they ever fuckin’ floundering. After years of sniffing their own farts and believing their own bullshit, GOPers are shocked to find themselves in competitive races. They started to think of themselves as invincible and teflon as their orange daddy, so they became soft and unable to campaign. And now they are really having a hard time interacting with normal people…
LOLOL!!! Buddy, we haven’t even started getting rude yet. If we really wanted to get rude, we’d tell you to pull down your pants so you can hear some real laughter. If we really wanted to get rude, we’d tell you to pull your head out of Trump’s ass and go take a fucking shower. But this isn’t about being rude. This is about reminding these miserable shitheads who is actually in charge here. It’s us. We’re the bosses. And we are sick of shitty employees who think it’s the other way around.
So keep crying, Andy. We think you’ll find the rudeness and the laughter are just beginning. You’re damn lucky you didn’t leave that townhall with a wedgie. Trump can’t save you from the voters. Nobody can. See you on Election Night, fucker. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: We have to move this week’s therapy session to Friday because of a scheduling conflict with Sam’s day job. Sorry about that. Y’all hang in there.
Note three: Wanna hear something really, really funny? Kim Guilfoyle tried to tell the White House that her text messages about doing crimes were actually AI. Imagine telling a lie that’s too stupid for this president. More: HuffPost
Note four: Have you voted yet? Do you have a plan? Are you bugging the living shit out of your friends and neighbors? Ok good.
Note five: If the elections were based on who has the best ads, our candidates would win in a walk. Especially since Republican ads are just calling everyone trans Muslim terrorists…
Note six: The FCC’s Brendan Carr was at Trump’s rally in Alaska last night, and we literally can’t find a single news story about it. Great work to our fearless media. NO GODDAMN LINK
Note seven: Another Ken Paxton tape leaked. This might be the funniest fucking thing that’s happening in these midterms. Every time he opens his butthole of a mouth, someone is pushing record. More: Rolling Stone
Note eight: You probably think you can’t hate Kirsten Sinema more than you already do. But you’d be wrong. We’d call her human garbage, but garbage was once something of value. More: Axios
Note nine: Politico is reporting that top Republicans are secretly conceding the House is gone. Fuck that and fuck them. We’ve heard this shit before. Ignore it all and do the work. More: Politico
Note 10: Here’s some footage of the new White House press secretary’s first briefing yesterday…
Note 11: A man was mauled by a tiger last week, and Trump thinks that’s cool. He has literally been posting fucking video of it. We’re sure that Jake Tapper book is coming out any second. More: The Guardian
Note 12: We get a lot of questions about how Trump can fuck with the midterms. And the answer we usually give is that we don’t really know. Here are nine possibilities that Reuters put together. More: HuffPost
Note 13: It pains us to say that Metallica can go fuck themselves. Fucking cowards. More: Billboard
Note 14: Jon Ossoff wrecked the living shit out of Mike Collins again last night. But what we keep coming back to is how firm he is when he says he won’t run for president in 2028. He wouldn’t be the first person to change their minds, but he does seem serious when he says it. More: NBC News
Note 15: So we really admire any and all acts of resistance, but man we really have to salute whoever went above and beyond here. It’s a little gross for our tastes, but respect…
Note 16: We are sending all the love in the world to Pope Bob, who has been diagnosed with lung cancer and had part of his lung removed. We never imagined we’d root for a Pope this hard. More: NBC News
Note 17: Kamala is hitting the campaign trail. It will be good to see her out there. More: AP
Note 18: It took a while but they finally got one of the dudes who killed Tupac. This gives us hope that maybe someday we will lock up the orange asshead who killed Renee Good and Alex Pretti. More: NBC News
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re going back to Maryland. Because we can’t get enough of Andy Harris crashing the fuck out. What an entitled loser. CRY MORE, ANDY!!!
Note 20: And on that whiny note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week and not completely losing your shit like Republican congressmen are. Love y’all!
Concerning
Susan Collins is having a hard time. She and Troy Jackson debated again last night, and man, she is really struggling. We wanted to take a second today to thank Troy for everything he is doing. This man was thrust into this race by the bad choices of others, and he has gone above and beyond everything we could have asked of him. He has pushed Collins on ICE, on abortion and on her corruption. For the first time in a long time, she is rattled and in danger of losing. Keep up the heat, Mainers. It’s time for her retirement party.
More: bsky.app
America’s Shame
Elon Musk has been fucking with Ukraine’s Starlink access again, incapacitating Ukraine’s drones and defenses. This comes as Trump has refused to share intel with the brave country. The U.S. is now claiming “bad weather” is why they have cut off Ukraine, but we all know that’s a fucking lie. The truth is Donald Trump is in the middle of one of America’s most despicable betrayals in history. He is selling out the free people of Ukraine for his corrupt dictator buddy. It’s hard to describe how angry and ashamed this makes us. The next Democratic president has to be ready to take over everything Elon has built. The world’s richest asshole doesn’t get to decide who is free and who isn’t. Slava Ukraine.
About that Inflation
Remember when America was so worried about inflation that we pissed away our democracy and decency to reelect the piece of shit who attacked our Capitol? Well it didn’t work. The new CPI out this morning shows inflation 3.7 percent after rising in September. You’ll never guess that energy costs from Trump’s stupid fucking war are driving a lot of hit. Literally the one fucking thing this dude was supposed to do was lower prices, and now he goes around the country saying affordability is a hoax. How about we try this again, America?
More: CNBC
Today’s clips
LONDON — Russell Brand behaved as a “ruthless” sexual predator when he assaulted six women over the course of a decade, a prosecutor said Wednesday as she opened the rape and sexual assault case against the actor-comedian. More: NBC News
BEIJING — China’s trade surplus widened more than expected in September as exports surged, keeping the country on track to surpass last year’s record surplus and likely intensifying trade tensions with major partners. More: NBC News
A federal judge issued an order late Tuesday blocking the Trump administration from banning CNN, Politico and MS NOW from the White House complex while the organizations’ lawsuit over access proceeds. More: NBC News
At least two men attending President Donald Trump’s rally in Ohio attacked a female protester in a “senseless” confrontation decried by the mayor of Youngstown on Tuesday. More: NBC News
Critics cringed hard over an AI-generated video released Tuesday by the campaign of GOP Sen. Marsha Blackburn, who is running for governor of Tennessee. More: HuffPost
President Donald Trump on Tuesday tried his best to distance himself from the now-former U.S. ambassador to Greece, Kimberly Guilfoyle. But his past comments about her, as recent as earlier this year, painted a very different picture. More: HuffPost
The latest from Adam
Trump and Musk are sick puppies. I hate that they are back to their evil ways.
I'm hoping that the midterms will drive them out in shame
I think Metallica was basically just saying that they don't want to talk about politics because they believe people just want to have a break from the bullshit. I don't think he was defending the orange shit stain. I mean if I go out or to a party I definitely don't want to hear all about the crap going on. It's constantly in my face all day. I just want to have a break and have a good time.
Also I just want to say I really do look forward to reading you guy's newsletter every day. I'd rather read yours than anyone else's. The jokes and the digs are hilarious