Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And it kinda wants to fight Scott Bessent.
Note: Sexy Patriots! How the hell are you today? Are you doing the work, making the calls and just generally kicking ass? Great! Then we don’t have to beg or send weird and threatening text messages like our politicians do. We are about to hit Labor Day weekend, which is the traditional kick-off to election season, and as of last night, we know what Fuckhead McCankles is planning…
Hooray!!! This is the first good idea Donald Trump has ever had in his whole miserable shit life. In fact, we’re so on board, we’re offering to help drive his ample orange ass to all 35 spots. Hell, we’d even offer a piggy back ride if we weren’t sure it would kill us or he’d start humping our backs. The truth is we want every single voter in this country thinking about Trump, his stupid fucking ballroom, his stupid fucking wars, his stupid fucking lies, his stupid fucking Epstein and his stupid fucking face. If he wasn’t planning to hit the road, we’d be tempted to lure him out with a trail of Big Macs like E.T. with those Reese’s Pieces.
We doubt he’ll actually go to most of these places. He is a lazy sack of shit who can barely walk down a flight of stairs, and every word out of his mouth is pure crap. Still, we really hope he goes for it. And we hope he talks about data centers too. You got us, Mr. President. Now hit that campaign trail hard, big boy. Y’all have a blessed day. More: NBC News
Note two: Keeping with that theme, we are so goddamn excited for Trump’s idiotic convention next week. He’s speaking both nights because of course he is. And he’s going up against the NFL. LOL. Talk about the ballroom, Donnie!!! More: HuffPost
Note three: Ugh. RIP to a real one. Feminist icon Gloria Steinem has died at 92. More: NBC News
Note four: This postal service thing has us more than a little freaked out. We’re gonna need to hit the early voting windows hard as hell. More: HuffPost
Note five: Trump is doing clean-up duty this morning after Nutlick went on television yesterday and said this…
Note six: Hey so flu shots and the new boosters are available. Please get them, especially if you’re over 65. Sam is getting his tomorrow!
Note seven: Poor Minneapolis has been through so much. We’re sending love to a great city. More: NBC News
Note eight: We were gonna share a Politico story about Third Way, but we fucking hate them. What kind of Democrats are spending money against Democrats right now? Well we’ll tell you. Shitty Democrats. NO GODDAMN LINK
Note nine: We were all fucked over by two selfish House Dems this week. If they go unpunished, it will happen again. We’re not calling for tar-and-feather, but they do need to be dealt with. More: The Hill
Note 10: LOL. Uncle Fester really has his finger on the pulse, don’t he? This dumb shit is like a week away from coming out as pro-herpes.
Note 11: Anyone who knows college sports knows that LSU runs garbage programs. But what they did to one of their Ukrainian players was fucking gross. We hope she sees her old team down the road. More: NBC News
Note 12: We’re gonna need a Democratic president just to find out how much damage Iran has done to our bases in the Middle East. Because we sure as shit aren’t gonna get the truth from these assholes. More: NBC News
Note 13: Look at our rusted out aircraft carrier. It was out to sea so long that it started to look like the fucking reflecting pool. But at least the ballroom is coming along.
Note 14: Trump is really fucking up the Kennedy Center however he can because he doesn’t get to put his gross name on it. He really is an if-I-can’t-have-you-then-no-one-will kinda asshole, ain’t he? More: AP
Note 15: Billionaire Leon Black sure seems scared to talk about Epstein. Lock ‘em all up. More: AP
Note 16: Man, Trump is really worried about James Talarico. We fucking love to see a Republican freak out about winning in Texas. More: HuffPost
Note 17: So things at the FBI are going so badly that they now might actually accept Herschel Walker…
Note 18: No matter how scared, angry or discouraged you get, please remember that it could be worse. You could be a Los Angeles Clippers fan. More: HuffPost
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, “it was the third of September.” Here’s the Temptations to get you grooving on this Thursday. More: YouTube
Note 20: And on that banging note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all have the most amazing day. And we hope Trump campaigns everywhere and gets his nasty stank all over the Republican Party. Love y’all!
Thanks for the Boost!
Republicans really thought they had something yesterday. And it totally blew up in their faces. After Jim Clyburn endorsed expanding the Supreme Court, Republicans thought they would pull a reverse uno and force Democrats to go on the record to set the number at nine. Except that’s not what happened. Not only did the measure fail, but only one Democrat defected. As Doug Linder pointed out on Bluesky, only 66 Democrats voted in 2023 to expand the court. Now that number is at 206. You and your pressure did this. Let’s keep it going.
More: The Hill
We Ride with Raskin
There’s a lot of angst about whether Democrats will impeach Trump if/when we win the midterms. Frankly, we’re not worried about it because we know it’s smart to not make this election about impeachment. The other reason we’re not worried about it is because of a bad motherfucker named Jamie Raskin. Raskin has been hitting the campaign trail hard because he is enormously popular. Why? Because he’s a real fighter and we all fucking love him for that. And we also know he ain’t gonna start fighting after he gets the gavel as House Judiciary chairman. So let’s win some elections and trust in Jamie.
More: HuffPost
What About Elon?
For what seems like 20 years, we’ve been hearing Republicans, reporters, pundits and turncoat Democrats talking about Hasan fucking Piker. What would it take to get the same kind of attention and criticism on the world’s richest man and his daily efforts to start a race war? He recently met with Mike Little Johnson, he’s spending to help Republicans like Susan Collins and he’s posting shit like what we shared below. And it’s crickets from the mainstream media. We get that they’re all gutless and corrupt, but this is pathetic.
More: bsky.app
Today’s clips
WASHINGTON (AP) — A plan by the Environmental Protection Agency could make it harder for the public to learn about and comment on proposed AI data centers that have sparked backlash in communities across the United States and transformed the midterm election landscape. More: AP
A federal judge in Boston will hear arguments Thursday on whether to extend her prohibition against the U.S. Postal Service requiring states to use a new mail balloting system for the midterms as part of an executive order by President Donald Trump. More: AP
WARSAW, Poland — Russia will shutter German cultural centers across the country, Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov said Thursday, in a tit-for-tat measure that reflected soured relations and deepening tensions between Moscow and European countries helping Ukraine resist Russia’s invasion. More: NBC News
Terrifying video shows a congressional staffer for Rep. Nicole Malliotakis (R-N.Y.) being struck by lightning, a less-than-a-one-in-a-million chance, while walking to a dentist appointment during a thunderstorm in Staten Island, New York, last month. More: HuffPost
I wish Elon Musk would rot in prison
"Look at our rusted out aircraft carrier."
It looks bad, but it's not. It's what happens when you put a steel ship into seawater. Don't worry about the rust; worry about the extended (and unnecessary) period at sea and it's effects on the crew.