Why hide a hoax?

It’s Thursday. There are 425 days until the midterm elections. Blue states get healthy, the lower courts revolt and the Epstein cover-up gets really obvious.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But at least it didn’t have a bunch of military jets try to drown out the voices of Epstein’s survivors.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, today might be the day. Today might be the actual goddamn day that we lose what’s left of our goddamn minds. We’re used to being furious, sad, outraged and shocked. But now we are just straight up fucking flummoxed. Nothing makes sense anymore. And just to prove that beyond a shadow of a doubt, here’s something we never in a kajillion years thought we’d say — Marjorie Taylor Greene is making some really good points. See what we mean?

Um… she’s right. And that’s how insanely fucked up this fucked up situation is. It’s so goddamn awful that even the Jewish Space Lasers idiot sees the difference between right and wrong and frankly we don’t know how to process it. Yeah, we, um, we’re confused. Thank god she added that stupid crazy shit about Jan. 6 or we would just assume the very fabric of reality was deader than disco. We’re not ready to call her our BFF because she is still a bucket of dumpster juice, but it’s nice to see that even the coldest and craziest hearts can thaw and find sanity in the hunt for justice. And truth be told, this is some pretty dark and heavy shit and those survivors deserve all the allies they can get. Even the crazy ones. Hell, ESPECIALLY the crazy ones!

So — and we seriously can’t fucking believe we’re saying this — thank you to Marjorie Taylor Greene. We really appreciate her passing the bare minimums of standards for human decency. It actually makes her quite the outlier in her party, which is why we’re quite confident she’ll go back to being a rotting hog rectum by this time tomorrow if not later today. Y’all have a blessed day. Even MTG.

Note two: You know that little boat that Trump blew up earlier this week? Well the New York Times is reporting that it might have been migrants and not drug traffickers on it. Maybe this is why we don’t just randomly drop missiles on people. More: New York Times

Note three: We’re getting closer to the day when this fucked up newsletter is the only real media. The new Trump-loving owners of CBS are handing the news over to Bari Weiss, and it’s hard to describe what a disaster that is. Bye, CBS. More: HuffPost

Note four: Trump and the official White House account went after Rosie O’Donnell again last night. Anything to keep us talking about Epstein, right? More: The Independent

Note five: The more we watch Jon Ossoff, the more we’re happy he’s on our side. We gotta get this guy re-elected.

Note six: Ok this is pretty damn funny. Trump is inviting all the butt-kissing tech CEOs to a party at his gross Rose Garden and he didn’t invite Elon Leon. More: The Hill

Note seven: The brain worm idiot who is trying to kill us all is going to testify on Capitol Hill today. They better tear him a new asshole, which he will probably like and think of as a great way to poop faster. More: NPR

Note eight: Speaking of morons who want to kill lots and lots of Americans, Florida is doing away with all child vaccine mandates. It’s one thing to be America’s dick. It’s another thing to act like it. More: NBC News

Note nine: Tomorrow we’re probably gonna get a fake jobs report from the federal government. That’s why it’s important we start paying attention to other sources like ADP. And ADP says Trump’s weak ass economy only added 54,000 jobs last month. More: The Hill

Note 10: First of all, fuck Ted Cruz. Second of all, does this ugly motherfucker think he’s skinny and attractive?

Note 11: We can’t decide which is crazier — that Trump is openly and actively interfering in the NYC mayoral race or that the mainstream media is treating it like a cool and normal thing to do. More: Politico

Note 12: Hey it’s a new month and that means more elections. The good people at Bolts have you covered on who’s voting this month. Remember to vote against the assholes. More: Bolts Mag

Note 13: Congrats to Harvard on beating a bully. Surrender is for idiots. More: Associated Press

Note 14: Want to feel young? Hemingway’s last son just died. He was 97. More: Associated Press

Note 15: Nigel Farage came to the U.S. to be a prick. Jamie Raskin sent him packing back to his tea and crumpets. Eat shit, Nigel.

Note 16: Tucker Carlson says Putin is the greatest leader of his lifetime. We think Tucker should move to Russia so he can enjoy that leadership some more. Maybe he can even get fed into the Ukraine woodchipper so he can see firsthand how much Putin loves his people. What a fucking dumbass. More: The Wrap

Note 17: We need to apologize for something. Yesterday we were kinda glib when we said nobody cares about Trump’s Space Command distraction. We heard from some of y’all about what this means for Colorado, and we’re sorry to be so dismissive. We just thought it seemed obvious that Cankles was doing this to distract from his health and Epstein questions. But we know that doesn’t make it any less painful for Colorado. Sorry about that. More: Colorado News Online

Note 18: Get ready for E. Jean Carroll to beat Trump again. President Rapist J. Fuckhead is asking his corrupt SCOTUS to throw out the verdict against him. We’re ready to lose our shit if they agree. More: Associated Press

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re going back to South Park. This week, they took aim at tariffs and Fox News and announced that Trump got Satan pregnant. The right-wingers are not pleased lol. More: Mediaite, Raw Story

Note 20: And on that hilarious note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a good week. Shit is sure getting weird out there. And please, before you email us about saying nice things about MTG, please know that we were just joking and we still hate her very much. Love y’all!

Blue bails
Since an idiot with a brain worm is destroying public health at the federal level, blue states are starting to band together to do it on their own. Yesterday, California, Oregon and Washington State announced that they are forming a health care alliance to do the shit that the CDC and HHS used to do. Massachusetts is going to start creating its own vaccine policies. It’s nice that the governors of those states actually care about their people and want them to live. It’s a shame that so many Americans live under governors and a president who hates them and wants them to die. More: ABC7

Louder!
NBC has a banger of a story today. They talked to several federal judges, including some appointed by Trump, and they went off on the Supreme Court for shitting all over the lower courts and issuing confusing decisions, often without any explanation at all. We’re also starting to see this kind of thing show up in judicial opinions. John Roberts had one of his flunkies tell Politico that Roberts is trying to stay out of the fray, which would be believable if Roberts didn’t spend every second trying to make Trump a king while also making it harder for Black people to vote. We’re grateful lower court judges are starting to speak out and we hope to hear a lot more. More: NBC News

Hiding a hoax
Yesterday, survivors of Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell’s sex trafficking went to Capitol Hill and spoke out against Republican efforts to cover for Epstein. They demanded to know why their government is protecting the monsters who hurt them. They said they will make their own client list if the real one isn’t released. They showed courage we frankly cannot imagine. They made it clear nothing about this evil shit was a hoax. And two seconds later, Trump said it was a hoax. But if that’s true, then why did he have military planes do a flyover of the press conference to try and drown out the survivors? Why is he posting about Pritzker instead of the survivors? Why is he saying this is just like “Russia, Russia, Russia?” (Because they’re both true) This is a shocking cover-up in plain sight, and we can only hope our corrupt and broken media stay on it until these women get justice. More: NPR. The Hill

Today’s clips
Far-right activist Laura Loomer slammed Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.) for supporting an effort to force the Justice Department to release filesrelated to the late convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein, calling her a “traitor” to President Trump and his MAGA base. More: The Hill

The legendary Italian fashion designer Giorgio Armani has died, the company he founded said Thursday. He was 91. More: NBC News

The anguished final pleas of a 5-year-old Palestinian girl trapped in a car under Israeli fire are retold in “The Voice of Hind Rajab,” a searing new film that received a rapturous premiere at the Venice Film Festival on Wednesday. More: NBC News

Many family members of unaccompanied Guatemalan migrant children who are part of a group the Trump administration attempted to deport over the weekend did not want their children returned to Guatemala, according to an internal Guatemalan government report that contradicts assertions made by U.S. officials. More: HuffPost

Rep. Thomas Massie (R-Ky.) detailed threats against him on Wednesday after saying House Republicans are facing an “immense pressure campaign” from the White House to not join him in forcing a vote to release the publicly unread Jeffrey Epstein files. More: HuffPost

Democratic New York City mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani is coming out swinging after it emerged that President Donald Trump was horning into the election by reportedly offering two other candidates jobs in his administration. More: Mediaite

Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear (D), widely seen as a potential 2028 contender, has landed a deal with SiriusXM that will likely widen the reach of his podcast by tens of millions of listeners. More: The Hill

The latest from Adam