What is it about Ohio?

It’s Tuesday. There are 42 days until the general election. Mark Robinson pretends he’s going to sue CNN, a possible reprieve from cheating in Nebraska and another woman-hating Ohio a-hole.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It still might be the most ethical political tip sheet on the planet. And that’s pretty fucked up.

Note: Sexy Patriots! How is your week starting off? Pretty awesome? Oh good. We’re glad to hear it. And if things are sucking for you, just remember that the whole world doesn’t know that you have to pay your spouse to support you. Because that’s exactly what Donald Trump has to do…

LOL! Wow! What a fucking loser! Things are so shitty for Trump he had to pay his wife to go to campaign events for him. Is that why he had Laura Loomer around? Was she just cheaper? Don’t answer that. We’re gonna resist the urge to say the very obvious thing about Melania and the world’s oldest profession, but we are going to say it seems like most Americans probably shouldn't vote for a guy whose own wife has to be paid to say nice things about him.

This shit has to be so embarrassing for Trump. This is pathetic even for him. We’re like a week away from him campaigning with an inflatable sex doll or asking Vance if he can borrow a couch (you know Vance would not be cool with that). Though to be fair, we’d rather have an inflatable sex doll or one of Vance’s gross sex couches as a First Lady over Melania. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We’ve got another dog-murderer. The dude behind Project 2025 bragged about killing a dog with a shovel. This might be controversial, but we don’t think the animal cruelty people should be deciding policy for the rest of us. Or be allowed out in polite society. Bunch of goddamn psychos. More: The Guardian

Note three: This woman in South Carolina had a miscarriage, and then learned later she was being investigated for murder. This is only the beginning if Trump wins. Who’s ready to make sure that doesn’t happen? More: CNN

Note four: Trump was extra unhinged at his rally last night. He said Americans who criticize the Supreme Court over the Roe decision should go to jail, how he wants to bring back Johnny Carson, how Russia’s invasion of Ukraine was America’s fault and lots and lots of crazy shit about being women’s “protector.” More: Independent

Note five: He also went full nazi about those poor Haitians who are legally in Springfield, Ohio. This is fucking dark, y’all…

Note six: The brainworm guy is suing to get on the ballot in New York after suing to get off the ballot in states like North Carolina. So he’s exactly the piece of shit we thought he was. More: CBS

Note seven: We’ve got another Republican congressman having an affair. We realize that’s not exactly newsy these days. But what is newsy is that he hired both his fiance's daughter and his mistress. How in the world did this genius get caught? More: MSN

Note eight: Speaking of House races we need to win, Politico has a new poll out showing Democrats with a slight lead in the crucial California House districts. Come on, Golden State. We need you! More: Politico

Note nine: It was really cool to see President Zelensky in Pennsylvania yesterday. We hope the 800,000 Ukrainian Americans (h/t Kamala Harris) thought so too. More: ABC27

Note 10: Everyone is running from Mark Robinson except Trump and his couch-fucker…

Note 11: The Senate Judiciary Committee is actually holding a hearing on broke SCOTUS’s bullshit immunity decision. And not a minute too soon. Sigh. More: The Hill

Note 12: President Biden is addressing the UN today. Bet they don’t laugh at him like they did Trump. More: The Guardian

Note 13: Crime, especially violent crime, is way down. Thanks, Dark Brandon. More: ABC

Note 14: LOL. Lindsey Graham is big sad and mad that Democrats are tying Trump to the degenerate scumbag who Trump called “Martin Luther King on steroids.” More: Mediaite

Note 15: We’ve always been just a tad leery of the Lincoln Project, but goddamn sign us up for an ad with a cussing Sam Elliott declaring that “it’s time to be a man and vote for a woman.”

Note 16: Trump wants to give undocumented immigrants “serial numbers.” Everybody freaked the fuck out yet? More: New Republic

Note 17: Sen. Amy Klobuchar has a nice leader over the deranged lunatic she’s running against. Thank goodness Royce White’s campaign has cratered. That dude is terrifying. More: Star Tribune

Note 18: Political terrorism is legal in Texas. Keep that in mind if you’re thinking of visiting to campaign for decent people. More: AP News

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, someone is cutting onions in here. Yesterday Bill and Hillary Clinton awarded Biden the Clinton Global Citizen Award, and Biden’s remarks about Hillary wrecked us…

Note 20: And on that beautiful note, let’s go do some news! We know it’s gonna be another busy one today so try not to lose sight of what’s important — Trump has to pay his wife to support him. What a fucking loser. Love y’all!

Sure, Mark

The Mark Robinson campaign continues to be a total shitshow. Though he still enjoys some support from Trump and Joker Dingusface (JD) Vance, Republicans like Brian Kemp and even the Republican Governors Association appear to be bailing. And Robinson is undeterred. He is now promising to sue CNN for its reports on his political diatribes on Nude Africa. But Politico found even more evidence that it was really him calling himself a Black nazi and talking about having sex with his sister’s wife. Republicans are a fucking mess, y’all.

More: The Hill

Phew

So we’ve been pretty freaked out that Lindsey Graham and Trump were going to be successful in convincing Nebraska Republicans to change how they award the state’s electoral votes. But yesterday, one Republican, stood up and said it’s just too close to the election to be messing with this stuff. Thank goodness. Trump was of course super pissed off and accused the Republican state senator of being a Democrat. We can only imagine the threats and pressure this dude is gonna have to deal with. Let’s hope he stays strong.

More: CNN

What is it about Ohio?

Man, Ohio sure produces some assholes. Just when you think they can’t get any worse than the ass-kissing treasonous sexist couch-canoodler, along comes some dickhead named Bernie Moreno. Bernie said that women who are single-issue voters on abortion are “a little crazy,” and he said that abortion shouldn’t be an issue for women over 50. So yeah, this is a creepy little shit who needs to be beaten. Anybody here supporting Sen. Sherrod Brown instead?

More: HuffPost

Today’s clips

In the decade since she first pondered her aspirations in the sport, Biles has won 11 Olympic medals and 30 world championship medals, making her the most decorated gymnast in history. After her tour de force showing at the Paris Olympics this summer, she is making the rounds to 30 American cities to connect and celebrate with the fans who cheered her to greatness from home. It’s called the Gold Over America Tour, which can be abbreviated, appropriately, as “GOAT.” More: NBC

House Republicans are expected to bypass mounting GOP opposition to a spending bill to keep the government running into December by using a procedural floor move that would rely heavily on Democrats to pass the legislation and avoid a government shutdown. More: CNN