Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it has never partied with Ken Paxton in Dubai.
Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! And welcome to the three-week mark. We’ve got exactly 21 days to stop a madman from fucking up things worse than he has already fucked things up. It’s a tall order, but we’re up for it. You know who’s not up for it? Trump’s weird cult. Yeah, it might be wishful thinking on our part, but it sure seems like Trump has lost some of that ol’ Hitler magic…
Dang. That sure is a lot of empty seats that are usually filled with empty heads. But should we get excited about this? Remember that Trump was limping to the finish line in 2024 and still somehow won (Elon). So we have to wonder if we’re reading too much into these empty seats. That’s why we asked one of them. Here now is an interview with an Empty Seat at a Trump Rally…
Us: Hey there, Empty Seat at a Trump Rally!
Empty Seat at a Trump Rally: Hey guys! Name’s Reggie. Love the newsletter.
Us: That’s so sweet, Reggie. So how has it been without a Trumper sitting on you?
Reggie the Seat: It’s like our prayers have finally been answered. We can finally breathe. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be sat on by one of those freaks?! They don’t wipe!!!
Us: Yikes. That’s a lot of information, Reggie. Do you think the fact that you’re empty means those people won’t vote?
Reggie: Who the fuck knows what those idiots are thinking. I just told you they don’t wipe.
Us: Fair point, Reg.
Well there you have it. There’s just no way to know if these empty seats are a harbinger of what’s to come in three weeks. So ignore that shit and just keep kicking ass the way you have been. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: Ken Paxton sure is a fucking sleaze. The Wall Street Journal has a new report about how he was partying in Dubai with two criminals. But the other guy had the flu so it’s a tough choice. More: Yahoo News
Note three: Speaking of Talarico’s flu, the online right-wingers got busted lying like some goddamn rugs and they are not taking it well. We hope they eat shit. More: HuffPost, New York Times
Note four: Trump is campaigning in Alaska today. We think that’s good news for Mary Peltola. More: AP
Note five: Trump also spent last night endorsing alleged woman beater Max Miller and praising the physique of Sen. John Husted. You can see for yourself that it’s pretty weird…
Note six: Not only is Trump lying about a ceasefire between Russia and Ukraine, he is now leaving Ukraine to the mercy of Putin. This is a shameful, shameful chapter in the story of America. But we’re way too fucking mad to be embarrassed. More: NBC News
Note seven: Trump is lining his pockets while Americans suffer. And we all fucking know it. More: AP
Note eight: That lunatic Trump hired to be the White House press secretary is holding her first briefing today. We hope she gets asked about Pizzagate, but we think someone should probably ask her if she lied about being a lawyer. (Great catch, Judd!) More: Popular
Note nine: Never forget that we are up against the dumbest sonsofbitches on the planet. How do we know? Well they just ran a few days worth of ads about Maine in Portland, Oregon. Oops. Wrong Portland, assholes! More: NBC News
Note 10: Trump is desperate to save Roger Marshall. He even did a long screed yesterday defending Marshall’s efforts to jail women whose babies he delivered. Unfortunately it was too late and Roger already started dressing like a really lame version of the Joker…
Note 11: Federal Judge Ana Reyes was furious that Trump went ahead and cut down a bunch of trees at East Potomac Park. She said that she trusted the government. So we have to ask — was it her first day? More: AP
Note 12: Trump says he might fire Kim Guilfoyle. It’s gonna cost a fortune to keep her quiet. LOL. More: NBC News
Note 13: Zelensky isn’t just fighting for Ukraine’s freedom. He’s also giving ours a boost by taking out Russian bots aka the Republican base.
Note 14: Hey baseball fans, do we think this is it for the Dodgers? More: ESPN
Note 15: We have been damn disappointed to hear about Danny Trejo starring in Ben Shapiro’s gross movie about the murder of Renee Good. But Trejo and his son are insisting that the actor had no idea what he signed up for. We want to believe him, but we’re not fucking idiots. More: Deadline
Note 16: While we’re talking Hollywood, Nic Cage says he probably won’t work with Amazon again because they love AI so much. We haven’t loved Cage this much since he freed Alcatraz and got back the Declaration of Independence. More: HuffPost
Note 17: You know how we’ve said all along that Bill Maher is a shit-eating Republican who would love to suck the farts out of Trump’s ass? Well we were right…
Note 18: The era of love for the Knicks is coming to an end. Not only is the rich asshole owner fucking with KAT’s contract, but he’s using the team and MSG to raise money for a Republican shithead. Fuck James Dolan forever. More: NY Post
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re going to the amazing Kacey Musgraves, who absolutely wrecked Kristi Noem…
Note 20: And on that devastating note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week so far. And if not, just remember that it could be worse and you could have some Trumper’s ass sitting on you. Or not. Love y’all!
Standing with Omar
Trump claimed yesterday he was unaware that federal agents were going to raid Rep. Ilhan Omar’s house, but that didn’t stop him from spending the day and night trashing Somalia and Somali Americans in the most bigoted terms possible. We were at least somewhat heartened by the statements from Democratic leaders, although some of them were pretty weak shit (we wish Klobuchar had actually said something worth a damn). But Omar herself said that she was “ok” after the raid and that she won’t be “silenced” by Trump’s goons. We wish more people in our party had her courage.
More: CNN
Woman Beaters
Trump loves men who beat up women. Loves them. That’s probably why he looked so happy and satisfied last night as his supporters beat up a woman who was protesting at his Ohio rally while wearing a t-shirt calling for the Epstein files to be released. It was a sickening display of violence and of course the perpetrators got a pass from the cops. Remember when this kind of shit just didn’t happen in America? We do. It was before Trump.
More: HuffPost
Stand Strong
Airman Jason Watson put it all on the line when he showed up to Capitol Hill in uniform and called for the commander-in-chief to be impeached. And Hegseth and Trump are making sure he feels their anger. While awaiting trial, Watson is being held in solitary confinement 24 hours a day, according to his lawyer. If that seems extreme, well, it is. They are really throwing the book at this guy, and it breaks our hearts. He showed real courage, and we hope he knows there are lots of us standing by him.
More: Military.com
Today’s clips
President Donald Trump has shared another fake quote on social media, this time a fabricated comment in which “Denzel Washington” supposedly heaps praise upon him. More: CNN
A deal between Moscow and Washington over exports of Russian diesel and fresh U.S. criticism of Ukraine’s leader mark important political victories for the Kremlin, reversing some of the sanctions for its full-scale invasion of its neighbor.
While the size of Russia’s diesel exports is relatively small and unlikely to significantly impact prices, the revenue will help Moscow replenish its war coffers and — more importantly — undermine efforts by Kyiv and its European allies to put up a united front against President Vladimir Putin. More: AP
ROME (AP) — Pope Leo XIV was admitted to Rome’s Gemelli hospital on Tuesday ahead of surgery later in the day to remove a lung nodule, an operation that experts say will determine whether the lesion is malignant and if other treatment is needed. More: AP
NEW YORK (AP) — Actor Selma Blair was arrested after she was accused of injuring two flight attendants on a trip from Los Angeles to New York. She was also accused of kicking a police officer taking her to the hospital and kicking a nurse once she got there. More: AP
LOS ANGELES (AP) — Actor and disability rights advocate RJ Mitte, who brought a lifetime of experience with cerebral palsy to fictional family struggles in an essential role on “Breaking Bad,” died Monday at age 34, authorities and his representatives said. More: AP
The Trump administration continued to air taxpayer-funded propaganda ads on television Monday morning despite a federal judge’s temporary order the night before blocking the government from running the campaign-style videos, according to advertising data from AdImpact. More: HuffPost
The latest from Adam
Nailed it again. They fired Kimberly for a minor grift. She's only doing what Trump does on a smaller scale.
Have a great day.
Republicans FUCK up, they try to fix that previous fuck up and end up FUCKING that.
They try again and fix that last fuck only to do an even major fuck up.
Yeah, we'll win. ✊🏼✊🏼