Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it’s way smarter than Lindsey Graham’s sister.
Note: We were gonna be so fucking clever today, Sexy Patriots. We were really proud of ourselves. We saw Darlene Graham completely biff a question in her Senate debate, and we were on it. We even wrote out song lyrics to the tune of “Jolene” about what a dunce she is. (We’re begging of you please move to Iran!). But there’s something that has REALLY been bothering us and we want to talk about it.
The president of the United States had to pay $6 million to a woman he sexually abused and defamed and reporters have not asked one single question about it. For fuck’s sake, the Supreme Court has literally denied Trump’s appeals twice now. What more of a news hook do those goddamn cowards need to ask about it? As far as we can tell, only one NBC reporter has ever broached the subject since a judge called Trump a “rapist.” That reporter asked Elise Stefanik about it during the 2024 campaign and then immediately lost his seat on the plane. Nobody has asked since. How the effing fuck is that possible?
Obviously we criticize the press a lot. Some of it is working the refs, but most of it is legit outrage at the appalling double standards applied to Democrats and Republicans. BUT HOW THE FUCK DOES THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES HAVE TO PAY MILLIONS FOR HIS SEX CRIMES AND NOT GET ASKED ABOUT IT?!!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL YOU GUTLESS WUSSES WHO USED TO BRAG ABOUT HAVING TRUMP’S CELL PHONE NUMBER?! WHY DON’T YOU PSYCHOS FUCKING CARE THAT THE PRESIDENT IS A RAPIST?!
This has been bothering us for a while, and it will continue to bother us until one of those ass-kissing weasels finds a tiny fraction of the courage E. Jean has shown for years and asks that gross orange shithead about his crimes. Or they can just keep talking about how extreme it is to want healthcare for everyone. Fucking assholes. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: And this is that Darlene Graham debate answer. Yikes. She’s gonna fit right in with Trump’s Republican Party.
Note three: Hey Alaska! Are you ready to help us take back the United States Senate! Let’s fucking go!!! More: AP
Note four: Republicans are now in Day Three of a total meltdown over Jon Ossoff mentioning Trump’s diaper caddie, and Ossoff has shown that Democrats can move the conversation when they have the guts to do so. Oh and btw, CNN, WaPo, the NYT and TMZ have all done stories about how fucking weird the whole Natalie sitch is. Well done, Sen. Ossoff. Eat shit, pearl-clutchers. More: CNN
Note five: Our favorite part so far is watching defender of women Scott Jennings almost cry about it. Someone should grab him by the pussy. More: HuffPost
Note six: Hey Pennsylvania! Yinz guys just flipped a statehouse seat in an area that Trump won by 18 fucking points! Well done! More: Newsweek
Note seven: This is the best fucking news we’ve seen in a while. Also, if you’ve accused Dr. Fauci of being a murderer, this is not for you.
Note eight: Here’s an ugly Florida story that somehow seems like a re-run. Ron DeSantis’s good buddy was arrested for molesting his grandson. This is why it’s ok to hate these fucking scumbags. More: The Guardian
Note nine: It seems really obvious that Trump and Hegseth have broken the United States Navy, and that really should be a bigger story. More: HuffPost
Note 10: Wow. Cory Mills lost his primary. Imagine being too scummy for Florida Republicans. More: NBC News
Note 11: We can’t in good conscience ask people to send money to Florida to try and elect an ex-Republican. But man Byron Donalds really sucks. More: HuffPost
Note 12: Want to know why Mayor Mamdani has skyrocketing approval numbers? Because he actually likes and wants to help the people he’s serving. How radical.
Note 13: RIP to Frank Beard. Nobody has ever done it like ZZ Top. More: YouTube
Note 14: We’ve already been burnt so badly by polls. And now some assholes are out there publishing fake numbers. We’re so fucked. More: AP
Note 15: Remember last year when Republicans pretended to care about government spending? Guess that was before all the war and gold shit. More: Washington Post
Note 16: It seems bad that the White House is such a joke that they had trouble finding someone who would run the FDA. Doesn’t everyone want to work with raccoon dick brainworm guy? More: NBC News
Note 17: Fox News got caught lying about gas prices this week. It somehow stood out against all their other lies.
Note 18: Even Natalie Harp’s brother is worried about her. We would be too. She rides in the goddamn trunk. More: CNN
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we hate to do a repeat of yesterday, but you really gotta see Rosie fucking up Trump…
Note 20: And on that knee-slapping note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a lovely week, and we know that you would ask about E. Jean Carroll if you got the chance. And after you got done throwing rotten fruit. Love y’all!
Sunshine State
It was a weird night in Florida. But what else is new? Democratic Socialist candidates lost primaries to establishment incumbents, but a DSAer beat Alex Vindman for the Democrats’ U.S. Senate nomination. We have always been big fans of Angie Nixon, but we are always skeptical of getting our hopes up in Florida. The truth is Florida scares us. In lots of ways. Congrats to everyone who ran, and thank you to Vindman for his quick and full-throated endorsement of Nixon.
Terminator Too
We already know that AI is coming for jobs. We just didn’t know it would be coming for GOP Senate jobs. Yeah, Senate Republicans are big worried that their guys like Jon Husted in Ohio are seen as pro-data center (which they are) and will pay a price for it. In a memo from the NRSC, Republicans basically begged AI companies to spend more money to elect Republicans who will greenlight more data centers. LOL. They’re scared. Good. They fucking should be.
More: Axios
Out of Orange Juice
Donald Trump has lost it. There’s the lame PeeWee Herman attacks against Ossoff. There’s that idiotic thing about dumb being spelled with a b. And then there’s the fact that several of his endorsed candidates are losing. LOL. This morning, he’s claiming that he told Cory Mills to get out of the race. Sure you did, champ. And that healthcare plan is coming in two weeks.
Today’s clips
Longer-term U.S. Treasury yields dropped sharply Wednesday after the Treasury Department announced that it would increase the size of its government debt repurchases by “at least double” in a surprise move. More: NBC News
President Donald Trump late Tuesday slammed the brakes on a wave of tariffs that were set to hit Canada at midnight. More: NBC News
WASHINGTON — A Trump administration task force created to combat antisemitism pushed for settlements with Ivy League universities despite government investigations that were rushed and incomplete or that failed to establish legal violations by the schools, a former Justice Department lawyer alleged in a whistleblower disclosure obtained by The Associated Press. More: NBC News
Pennsylvania Gov. Josh Shapiro announced significant restrictions on data center projects Tuesday, signing an executive order to stop “predatory” backers and “bad proposals from infecting our commonwealth.” More: NBC News
ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) — Across 250 years, only three elected governors out of thousands have been Black –- all Democrats and all men, including current Maryland Gov. Wes Moore. More: AP
THE HAGUE, Netherlands (AP) — The International Criminal Court on Wednesday slammed the latest U.S. sanctions targeting senior ICC staff, including its president, as a “flagrant attack” on the global tribunal’s independence and vowed to continue seeking justice for atrocities around the world. More: AP
A lot of conservatives have raged against Sen. Jon Ossoff (D-Ga.) since he made some pointed comments about President Donald Trump ― but Fox News host Jesse Watters has refused to join the pile-on. More: HuffPost
Stephen Colbert asked the Emmys crowd last year to get his writers another gig after “The Late Show” ended.
And now they’re getting one by working on this year’s ceremony with Emmys host Mariska Hargitay. More: HuffPost
Regarding the Florida Governor's Race... you absolutely should back David Jolly. Admittedly a former Republican, he says he didn't leave the party, the party left him when it became MAGA. He is a centrist who believes in fiscal responsibility, public education, healthcare, reproductive freedom, etc. He wants a moratorium on AI centers in Florida until they can be regulated. Donalds is all about taking $$ from AI and will endanger Florida's delicate ecosystem. We have endured 30 years of Republican majority rule in Florida which has caused untold destruction and now Donalds says he is going to fix what the Republicans have created? More MAGA?? Please do some research on Jolly and encourage Floridians to support David Jolly!
I like these candidates who know nothing about the military but support it because my dad/brother/grandpa/uncle served. Well, you'd think you'd want them truly treated better.
Happy birthday, Nolan Wells. BTW, no one has been charged in his death.