We’ve Always Been at War with Japan

It’s Wednesday. There are 118 days until the midterm elections. It’s back to war again… again, Trump tries to stiff E. Jean and Graham Platner needs to go the eff away.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it’s not trying to start a war with Spain like a goddamn moron.

Note: Ya know, Sexy Patriots, if there’s one thing we hate to do it’s beat a dead horse. Because what the hell did that horse ever do to us? And why would anyone desecrate the corpse of a horse (looking at you, RFKJr.)? And where the fuck did this expression come from? Were people going around beating dead horses? Anyway, this note is about Jake Tapper. Anyone seen that fucking weasel around lately? Because we’ve got a story for him…

Japan, huh? This reminds us of when Bluto asked if it was over after the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor. Except Bluto wasn’t president of the United States. We were bombed by Japan recently? Or is this dumb motherfucker so addled that he’s now confusing Iran and Japan? And honestly, that wasn’t even the worst part. Standing on the world stage, Trump made an absolute ass of himself. Again.

So yeah, where the effing fuck is Tapper and his book? Because he told us last year that the president’s health is the most important story in the world and that Biden’s age was a worse scandal than Watergate. He went on Megyn Kelly’s show to tell her that he had apologized to Lara Trump about it. So clearly Jake thinks this is big shit. Or is that just when it’s a Democrat who he’s not afraid of? We’re starting to think Jake is a fraud and a coward. Maybe he should just go eat shit and fuck himself. Or maybe someone needs to crawl up Trump’s ass and drag Jake out.

If there are any journalists with any courage out there, now would be a good time to use it. Or just keep taking abuse and then acting tough on twitter. At this point, the dead horse would do better journalism. And kiss less ass. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We were gonna make the opening note another joke about Mitch McConnell being Weekend at Bernies, but man all the really good jokes were taken yesterday after a bunch of Republican bullshit artists claimed to have spoken with him. Sure you did. More: The Independent

Note three: Laura Loomer says that Mitch is braindead. Unfortunately, so is Laura. More: HuffPost

Note four: LOL. Kayleigh Kiss-ass said that it’s ok that the U.S. men’s team lost because they were patriotic and prayed unlike Megan Rapinoe. LOL. Megan will just have to live with all those trophies. More: HuffPost

Note five: Riley Gaines is a lot of things but mostly she’s a fucking idiot. Lia Thomas would never.

Note six: This story about Nolan Wells is fucked up and we’re all gonna need some answers. More: Mississippi Free Press

Note seven: A judge said Trump can’t go after Georgia election workers. It’s pretty goddamn insane that he’s even trying. He should ask his friend Rudy how that turns out. More: NBC News

Note eight: Trump has been back on his Greenland bullshit at this NATO summit. We keep waiting for just one reporter to ask him why he keeps threatening and insulting our allies. More: AP

Note nine: The View is at war with the FCC. Normally we’d be all over this and fighting for The View, but we are still super pissed that Joy Behar kissed JD Vance’s ass and we’ll probably never get over it. More: AP

Note 10: Is the mainstream media ever gonna talk about this sick fuck or do they just focus on the morality of Democratic candidates?

Note 11: Speaking of Paxton, guess who’s been committing voter fraud? LOCK HIM UP! More: Texas Tribune

Note 12: Tiffany Haddish said there were more people at her bat mitzvah than at Trump’s state fair. She is so goddamn funny. We might have to rewatch Girls’ Trip tonight. More: HuffPost

Note 13: The Belgium Prime Minister trolled Trump to his face over that embarrassing red card shit. We’re guessing Trump was too dumb to get it. More: HuffPost

Note 14: It sure seems like it should be a bigger story that Trump is making healthcare more expensive. Guess everyone is just waiting two weeks for his healthcare plan. More: AP

Note 15: SERIOUSLY JUST LOOK AT THIS DERANGED SHIT WHERE THE FUCK IS THE MEDIA?!!!!

Note 16: The New York Times did a piece on the most stylish people of 2026 and they included RFK Jr. working out in jeans. Maybe our media likes Trump because they’re just as batshit fucking loony as he is.

NO GODDAMN LINK

Note 17: This poll is wild. The AP polled Jewish Americans and found that Mamdani is 44 percent favorable and 39 percent unfavorable. Bibi comes in at 32/59. Sure seems like the MSM has this backwards. More: Forward.com

Note 18: The Michigan Senate candidates had a big debate last night. Obviously we’re staying out of this but we’re curious who y’all like. Let us know! More: The Hill

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re taking you to Hungary. Just look at this and drink it in. Maybe someday we can do the same to Fox News…

Note 20: And on that inspirational note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week so far. Unless you’re Jake Tapper. We hope he’s having a shitty week. Because fuck him. Love y’all!

Back to war again… again

The ceasefire is over. If it was ever really on. But Trump made it official that the U.S. is back to war with Iran after we fired a bunch of missiles at the country last night. Oil prices jumped 6 percent. And the guy who keeps doing this idiotic Groundhog Day seems to think we’re at war with Japan. So yeah, this is all going great.

More: HuffPost

PAY HER

Trump is supposed to be paying E. Jean Carroll today for defaming her after he sexually abused her. But he’s of course trying to get out of it by claiming he’s waiting on the Supreme Court to rule on a new filing. Except the Supreme Court already said they are staying out of this. So when does a White House reporter find the guts to ask Trump why he’s defying a court order and why he keeps torturing a woman he assaulted?

More: The Hill

Go Away, Graham

More ugly stories about Graham Platner dropped yesterday, but he is so far still refusing to get out of the race. Maine Democrats have only six days left to pick a replacement, but they need Platner to get out of the race first. Not only is he refusing, but he’s telling the Maine Democratic Party that he should get to help pick the successor. Fuck that. We like to think we’ve been pretty patient with this asshole because we know that a lot of you liked him. But we’re done. If this is really about helping working people, then Platner will put them first and drop out. Today.

More: The Guardian

Today’s clips

Former Wisconsin Judge Hannah Dugan, who was convicted of felony obstruction for helping an immigrant evade federal officers in a case that highlighted President Donald Trump’s sweeping immigration crackdown, is scheduled to be sentenced Wednesday in federal court. More: NBC News

The Senate Intelligence Committee scheduled a new confirmation hearing Tuesday for Jay Clayton’s nomination to be director of national intelligence after President Donald Trump upended the initial date. More: NBC News

WASHINGTON (AP) — The International Monetary Fund on Wednesday modestly downgraded its outlook for the world economy this year, citing the energy shock caused by the Iran war. But the fallout from the conflict is being partially offset by booming investment in artificial intelligence and other technologies. More: AP

NEW YORK (AP) — After decades of reliable bipartisan backing for Israel, a new AP-NORC poll reveals a dramatic erosion of support for the longtime U.S. ally, with rising opposition from Democrats and signs of division among Republicans. More: AP

MIAMI GARDENS, Fla. (AP) — Two staff members of the U.S. soccer team were suspended by FIFA from Monday’s round of 16 game against Belgium.

FIFA did not explain why it imposed the discipline on team manager Sam Zapatka and U.S. Soccer Federation vice president of security Frank Pannell. More: AP

Rep. Mike Flood (R-Neb.) was greeted with a chorus of boos during a town hall event on Tuesday after defending President Donald Trump’s “One Big Beautiful Bill Act” More: HuffPost