We’re not dumb

Happy Friday! There are 67 days until the general election. Trump thinks women are stupid, the Army calls out orangey and Kamala cooks on CNN.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s why we can say that Vice President Harris kicked some serious fucking ass last night.

Note: Ya know, Sexy Patriots, if you don’t mind, we’re going to strike a grateful and optimistic tone today. We’re still gonna cuss, but we’re gonna be sunny and shit too. And we have Vice President Kamala Harris to thank for it.

For the last eight goddamn years, we’ve been waiting for someone to liberate us from the relentless stream of cruel, dumb and offensive bullshit that radiates from one Donald J. Trump. And VP Harris is doing that. Because she absolutely does not have time for this bullshit.

Our candidate is focused. She is above Trump’s garbage. She is giving us all permission to tune it out. Replace the noise with joy and don’t stop for the bullshit. There are strange cussing newsletters who can give Trump a good cussing out while MVP focuses on stuff like the middle class and foreign policy. We were damn proud of our candidate last night. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Trump seems really worried about getting sentenced for his felonies. Sept. 18 will be here before you know it, Donnie! More: HuffPost

Note three: Inflation appears to be totally back to normal according to the new PCE index out this morning. So let’s cut some interest rates! More: CNBC

Note four: Janky D-bag (JD) Vance was on CNN this morning. It didn’t go great. As Adam said yesterday, that dude is really disciplined about staying on his message of hating women and being weird.

Note five: And ol’ Jumping Dingleberry’s (JD) appearance in front of the fire fighters union yesterday went really bad. It’s almost like he’s a total asshole who everyone hates.

Note six: When is the Trump campaign going to release their video from Arlington? What happened to the campaign stuff that was hacked and given to news organizations? Is this double standard ever going to end?

Note seven: LOL. One of Trump’s flunkies used a Jack White song on social media yesterday, and Jack White was NOT having it. Btw, if you ever get the chance to see him play in person, you should absolutely do it. Dude is amazing. More: Billboard

Note eight: Dana Bash is really good at asking whatever Republicans want her to. Is that what journalism is supposed to be?

Note nine: So we’ve gotten a lot of polling this week and the bottom line is that MVP has surged ahead of Trump in most swing states, but this race is tighter than a dang tick. What are you doing this weekend to win? More: Bloomberg

Note 10: We thought some of the questions Gov. Walz was asked were in very poor taste (IUI vs. IVF? Seriously?) but this was an accurate and welcome response.

Note 11: Oh we freaking love this. While we were writing this morning, we learned that Harris-Walz are planning a “reproductive freedom” bus tour next week and it’s going to kick off in Palm Beach!!! Looks like Amy Klobuchar and Ana Navarro will be on the bus. More: The Hill

Note 12: More bad news for Orangey — it looks like that movie The Apprentice, which depicts Trump raping his ex-wife, has been picked up by a distributor and will be released in October. More: Hollywood Reporter

Note 13: Yesterday the Electoral College prediction on RealClearPolitics changed to show MVP taking the lead. Now RealClearPolitics is right-wing garbage, but that makes this even sweeter. Let’s go!

Note 14: This put a big smile on our faces…

Note 15: Vance is begging billionaire weirdhead Peter Thiel to bankroll their campaign. It’s amazing how they don’t even care how desperate they sound. More: CNBC

Note 16: Of course. Trump’s media company hired a Macedonian employee because they said an American for the same job would be too expensive. Man these guys are really full of shit. More: ProPublica

Note 17: Hey, y’all wanna see some cognitive decline?

Note 18: It REALLY bothers Trump that we’re all calling him weird. So definitely keep it up. More: HuffPost

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we just want to show you this video of Georgians waiting in the rain to see Vice President Harris. Something is happening.

Note 20: And on that beautiful note, let’s go do some news! We hope y’all have some awesome Labor Day plans. We’re gonna send y’all some cuss words and news in an abbreviated fashion tomorrow and Monday, so sadly you won’t get a vacation from us. Love y’all!

We’re not dumb

So Trump came out yesterday and said his administration would make IVF free for everyone and then he said he might vote against Florida’s six-week abortion ban because it’s “too soon.” It seems like pretty huge news to us that Trump is so desperate that he is flip-flopping on one of his signature achievements. But it seems like even bigger news to us that he’s a fucking liar. So he wants to repeal Obamacare but make IVF universally free? How would that work? Can someone maybe ask him as many questions about it as MVP got about fucking fracking?

More: Axios

So damn gross

So the Arlington National Cemetery story got worse yesterday when the actual dang U.S. Army put out a statement making clear that Trump and his thugs had been warned about filming there being illegal. They also defended the woman who works at the cemetery and tried to stop them before being pushed out of the way. We’re sure the New York Times is eager to move on from this story, but this is extremely fucked up and we deserve to know what happened.

More: CNN

Well done!

So the media can all relax now because MVP did an interview. And in doing so, she reminded us why neither she nor us should ever worry about taking the media seriously. CNN got the first chance to ask this historic nominee some questions and we mostly just got Republican hits and questions about fracking. It was pretty damn disappointing, but par for the course. We thought the VP and Gov. Walz did great, and we’re glad they can now get back to talking to voters and not self-important beltway slime.

More: HuffPost

Today’s clips

Vice President Kamala Harris has been diligently preparing for the debate stage for months — first by gearing up to face the Republican vice presidential nominee and now, over the past several weeks, to debate former President Donald Trump, according to four sources familiar with the Democratic nominee's preparations. More: NBC

A Boar’s Head deli meat plant in Virginia tied to a deadly food poisoning outbreakrepeatedly violated federal regulations, including instances of mold, insects, liquid dripping from ceilings, and meat and fat residue on walls, floors and equipment, newly released records show. More: HuffPost