We’re all Minnesotans today

Happy Friday. There are 284 days until the midterm elections. The sofa-screwer is a damn liar, the pro-slavery administration and BS Bondi gets embarrassed again.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And it stands with Minnesota.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots you made it. Through another stupid week in another stupid year with that goddamn stupid man. We’re proud of ya. We’re proud of all the Sexy Patriots. You’re the sexy soul and sanity of this nation. That’s especially true in Minneapolis today…

Hell fuckin’ yeah. It’s like 20 below and there is a general strike in Minnie today. More than 100 businesses are closing to protest ICE. Fuckin’-A, bubba. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again — Donald Trump fucked with the wrong people. Republicans and national reporters might be eager to get on their knees and kiss orange ass, but the rest of us don’t play that way. We’re Americans. We don’t do kings, and we don’t kiss ass.

So today, like everyday for weeks, the brave people of Minneapolis are going to lead the way and show us how it’s done. We will continue to hope their elected leaders get in the streets with them. Regardless, they aren’t alone. Millions of Sexy Patriots all over this world have their backs. We love you, Minnie. We’re proud of you. We’re in awe of you. And we are so goddamn grateful to you for showing this administration that we’re not just gonna lie back and take it. And we hope ICE eats shit and dies of super gonorrhea. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We can’t even save this for the Happy Ending. Enormous congrats to Adam and Ally on the birth of their son, Books Samuel Parkhomenko. Ok so it’s not Samuel despite some intense lobbying. Still, little Brooks came to us happy and healthy and now we have to bust ass to make sure he gets to grow up in a democracy.

Note three: Here’s an interesting story about some more of those fucking paid agitators. These sonsofbitches even claim to be clergy. Oh wait. They are clergy. More: Religion News

Note four: A massive ice storm is about to hit the U.S. and President Cankles is using the opportunity to lie about climate change while Sean Duffy lectures us about how we dress on airplanes. We hate these fucking people so much. More: HuffPost

Note five: Republicans spent yesterday lying about Jan. 6 again. Fortunately House Democrats and Michael Fanone were there to set ‘em straight…

Note six: Trump has a big sad now that Mark Carney has pulled the president’s pants down and revealed a tiny broken kazoo. In fact, Canada doesn’t get to join the Bored of Peace now. We’re sure they’re just devastated. More: Mediaite

Note seven: Man, if Europe was ever gonna stand up for itself, this would be a good time. The president of the United States is shitting all over the sacrifices of their dead troops. He usually only does that to our troops. More: NBC

Note eight: Seven House Democrats joined Republicans yesterday to fund ICE. We fucking despise every one of them. If you want to be Republicans and terrorize communities, then switch parties, you miserable fucks. And don’t think we don’t know about the people who voted no even though they helped get it passed. Fuck them too. More: HuffPost

Note nine: We’re not gonna spend too much time on the Jack Smith hearing from yesterday, but you can definitely see why Trump is so afraid of this guy. More: NBC

Note 10: We don’t know what this is, but we do know it’s taking way too fucking long.

Note 11: Judd Apatow’s new two-part documentary about Mel Brooks came out yesterday, and it is delightful. What a life.

Note 12: TikTok now belongs to Trump. And that ain’t good. More: NBC

Note 13: The White House had a reverend arrested for protesting. She was a proud Black woman and they couldn’t stand that, so they altered the picture of her to make it look like she was crying. You don’t hate these motherfuckers enough. More: The Guardian

Note 14: LOLOL!!! We’re gonna learn more about the Greenland deal in TWO WEEKS! LOLOL! More: Independent

Note 15: We love these guys. And we’re always happy to do some cussin’ on their behalf…

Note 16: Thank you to Stephen Colbert for continuing to drag his network for being a bunch of corrupt wusses. More: Mediaite

Note 17: You might think you know how much of a disaster Kash Patel really is. But it gets so much worse. Holy freaking shit what a clown. More: Mediaite

Note 18: Love him or hate him — and we often do both — Gavin Newsom sure is good at trolling the living hell out of Trump. More: HuffPost

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you to the WNBA. Last season’s Rookie of the Year and all-around superstar Paige Bueckers announced yesterday she is donating $50,000 to help her hometown in Minnesota get through the ICE invasion. MVP move, Paige!

Note 20: And on that note that tells us the kids are alright, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are hanging in there. We know it ain’t easy. But we’re fighting back and we have our hate for ICE to keep us warm. Love y’all!

Pull out, couch

If there’s one thing JD Vance is good at — besides fucking furniture — it’s making the misery of hurting Americans exponentially worse. JD was happy to fly to LA after the fires and the invasion to lie and insult the people who lived there. Well now he’s done it to Minneapolis. Yesterday fuckhead went to a grieving city, lied about the people who lived there, lied that there would “of course” be an investigation into Renee Good’s killing and lied about what ICE is doing in our communities. If you read the Associated Press story about the visit, you wouldn’t know he lied about anything. Thank goodness for independent media to tell us the truth about what’s happening in our country.

More: USA Today

Racist-in-chief

Yesterday, government officials went to a George Washington exhibit in Philly and removed all mentions of slavery. Congrats on becoming North Korea. Yeah, the same administration that has demanded the return of portraits and statues of Robert E. Lee is actually fine with erasing some history. It’s really not hard to see what’s happening here unless you work at the New York Times. It really is a fucking shame that so many white reporters and editors simply don’t think racism is newsworthy. The good news, if there is any, is that the city is suing over this bullshit. And if there’s one thing we know, it’s not to fuck with Philly.

More: NBC

DOJoke

Ok so this one is pretty fucking hilarious. Pam Bondi and her thugs tried to destroy Chicago’s Juan Martinez by accusing him of plotting a murder-for-hire to kill scummy little shit Greg Bovino. It took a Chicago jury three hours to acquit him. LOLOL!!! The defense attorney told the jury that they had the power to stand up to an “overreaching government.” And that’s exactly what they did. Fuck yeah! We ain’t done yet, America. The people are standing up and fighting back! And nobody will ever love Greg Bovino!

More: Chicago Sun Times

Today’s clips

Hudson Williams, star of the hit sports drama “Heated Rivalry,” had some kind words for the real-life hockey player who was inspired by the series to come out. More: NBC

Five Democratic-controlled states are asking a judge Friday to order President Donald Trump’s administration to keep money flowing for child care subsidies and other programs aimed at boosting low-income families with children. More: AP News

Vice President JD Vance appealed for help on Thursday, and people on social media were quick to answer the call. More: HuffPost