Welcome to the Craphole

Today’s Big Stuff. January 21, 2025.

It’s Tuesday. There are 651 days until the midterm elections. America loses a fighter, Biden protects his family and Trump gets to work being the worst.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But at least it doesn’t give the nazi fucking salute.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, welcome back to Trumpland. You’re gonna hate it. We knew it would be a cruel and idiotic suckfest, but it has already gotten way more fucked up than even we could have guessed. For example, the world’s richest man gave two nazi salutes while speaking in the same program as the new president…

Y’all, THAT is a nazi salute. If someone tells you it ain’t, then that person is lying to make excuses for a nazi salute and they can fuck right off and then they can shove that gaslighting right up their nazi-loving asses. We might have to live under a dumbshit dicktator, but that doesn’t mean we’re suddenly gonna turn into mindless goddamn morons who don’t know what a goddamn nazi salute looks like. So yeah, Day One was the crapfest we thought it was gonna be and today ain’t looking much better.

That means the resistance starts today. Fuck these people. We won’t submit. We won’t cower. And we sure as hell won’t pretend our eyes and ears are lying to us. It’s time to go to work, Sexy Patriots. Fuck Trump, and motherfuck Dorky Hitler. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: The convicted felon president pardoned everyone involved with Jan. 6, lying about what they did and making excuses for assaulting cops. Every Democrat on the planet should be making Trump eat this shit today. More: CNN

Note three: Btw, Trump’s pardons include the guy in the “Camp Auschwitz” hoodie and the guy who likes to dress up like Hitler. Oh and the QAnon Shaman’s reaction was “gonna buy some muthafuckin’ guns.” More: Yahoo News

Note four: The Hitler guy even went to the inauguration. Well, the other Hitler guy. More: Yahoo News

Note five: He should’ve gone to Lindsey Graham instead. Also, fuck that ugly hat.

Note six: Snoop Dogg is dead to us. And that shit hurts. In high school, we stood in line to buy Doggysyle. And now he’s performing for Trump scum. Goddamnit, Snoop. More: USA Today

Note seven: Nelly can eat shit too. More: The Guardian

Note eight: Trump took us out of the Paris Climate Agreement and the World Health Organization. So back to being pariahs on the global stage. More: Associated Press, CNN.

Note nine: Trump didn’t put his hand on the Bible when he was sworn in. Lucky Bible. More: ABC News

Note 10: It might be time for Senate Democrats to get a new leader. Because this weak shit made us want to throw our phones in a goddamn lake.

Note 11: Trump and Melania are already profiting off the presidency, selling bullshit scam crypto and just absolutely taking a big steaming dump on the nation’s reputation. More: CNN

Note 12: There are more winter storms hitting out there. Please be safe everyone. Well, almost everyone. More: CNN

Note 13: Yesterday Jake Tapper talked about how normal the Trump campaign was, NBC News edited out Elon Leon’s nazi salute and the lead story on Politico today is from its top editor and headlined: “Time to Admit It: Trump is a Great President.” So yeah, the mainstream media is dead and gone and we’re the media now. NO FUCKING LINKS ON PURPOSE

Note 14: Trump wanted to let everyone know that he is firing Chef Jose Andres from his presidential appointment. How Christian of him. The beauty of it is that Chef had already resigned and his two-year term was up. More: Axios

Note 15: Thank you to AOC for speaking truth and taking a stand. Maybe she can teach the rest of our party how to do this.

Note 16: Liddle Marco was confirmed yesterday. So now he’ll be kissing orange ass in a totally new role. They better get a phone book for him to sit on at Foggy Bottom. More: Associated Press

Note 17: What Trump is doing to trans people is just cruel bigotry. Congratulations to JK Rowling and the New York Times for helping him get here. More: Advocate

Note 18: Trump is already trying to raise drug prices. Looks like a bunch of people got played. Well done, America. More: Stat News

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we thought we’d show you how VP Harris went straight from D.C. to help out in Los Angeles, where people will be recovering for years. This what we could have had as president, and instead we decided to suck and be stupid and mean. Fuck.

Note 20: And on that regretful note, let’s go do some news! Take deep breaths, SPs. This is gonna suck, but we sure as hell don’t have to take it lying down. And no matter what, we’ve got each other. Let’s unite, and let’s fight. Love y’all!

More pain
In what looked like a brutal metaphor for where we are headed, the United States of America lost a real fighter just before a nazi fuckhead became president again. Cecile Richards, the former president of Planned Parenthood and a lifelong battler for abortion rights, died Monday from brain cancer. Richards, the daughter of former Texas Gov. Ann Richards, received the Presidential Medal of Freedom from President Biden. She was a true champion for women’s rights, and the world is a worse place without her in it. But that just means it’s up to us to pick up her torch and carry it. RIP. More: The Guardian

Pardon us
On his way out the door, President Biden hit some more last-minute pardons, including for unfairly imprisoned Native American activist Leonard Peltier. But Biden also pardoned Fauci, Milley, the Jan. 6 committee, the cops who defended the Capitol and everyone in his family tree, noting that Trump and his gang of freaks were coming for them. We know a chickenshit press corps is suddenly worried about norms, but fuck them. Trump ran on retribution and he wants to put everyone who doesn’t kiss his ass in jail. Our only problem with these pardons is that there weren’t more of them. More: Associated Press

Here we go again
Trump is off and running and just as awful a sack of shit as he has always been. In a flurry of executive orders yesterday, Trump made clear he is going to do everything he can to push his dark right-wing vision on our poor country. One of his first orders was to end the constitutionally guaranteed Birthright Citizenship. Yes, that is pretty fucked up. The good news is the lawsuits to fight this asshole have already been launched, and it’s time to try and stop all this crazy shit in court. The bad news is a whole lot of our judges are corrupt assholes just like Trump. We’re one day closer to the midterms, SPs. More: NBC News

Today’s clips
Elon Musk may be getting physically closer than ever to Donald Trump after the president reportedly grew tired of the tech mogul hanging around him. From: Huff Post

To end the 2024 season, Ohio State sits alone at the top after its 34-23 win against Notre Dame in the College Football Playoff national championship earned the program’s ninth national title and its first in a decade. More: NBC News

Hillary Clinton’s body language appeared to say it all.

Footage of the former first lady and former secretary of state showed her appearing to silently giggle at one particular moment during President Donald Trump’s inauguration speech on Monday. More: Huff Post