We stand with Kat

It’s Thursday. There are 369 (nice) days until the midterms and FIVE DAYS UNTIL THIS YEAR’S ELECTIONS! An idiot plays with nukes, DOJ starts erasing crimes and we stand with Kat.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. Because there’s a lot of dumb shit going down.

Note: We gotta talk, Sexy Patriots. If this country has a soul, then it is broken. Or at least badly sprained. On Saturday, 42 million Americans are going to lose federal food assistance, and this is the kind of fucked up headline we’re seeing…

Jesus Halloween Christ. Are we fucking great again or what? You have to love a country that always has the time and money to send assholes with guns, but just can’t find the cash to actually fucking feed people. Maybe Americans can learn to eat ballroom. Or maybe we can learn to actually digest all the goddamn lies we’re constantly being fed.

So what can we do?

Well, we can be the good side of this fucked up country. We can donate, we can volunteer and we can get each other’s backs. And if we see someone putting bread in their pocket at the store, then we will look the other way because we’re not snitches and people are hurting. We know the president of the United States doesn’t give a fuck about Americans, so we have to. And while we’re feeding our fellow Americans, we can also feed Trump. Yep, he can eat shit. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We talked a little about having each other’s backs during our weekly therapy session yesterday. If you missed it and you want a preview of Sam’s fucked up Halloween costume, then you can check it out here.

Note three: Trump got straight-up owned by China. It was so bad that even the New York Times is talking about it. Bessent was on Fox bragging that China will buy 12 million tons of soybeans. But as Meidas Touch’s Ron Filipkowski noted, we sold China 27 million tons just last year. So good job, Trump. What a fucking deal. More: The Hill

Note four: Schumer called Trump’s trip a “dud” and Trump responded that was “almost treasonous.” LOL. Sure, bro. More: NBC News

Note five: Don’t forget to turn your clocks back this weekend. Because clearly what we all need right now is more darkness. Goddamnit.

Note six: We are desperate for a White House “reporter” to ask Trump when he’s going to accept Jasmine Crockett’s challenge to take a cognitive test with her. More: HuffPost

Note seven: Fuuuuuuuuck!!!! We were so excited yesterday that Greg “the Gasser” Bovino was going to have to check in with a judge every day. But then the Trump administration asked for a stay and got it. Everything sucks. More: NBC News

Note eight: Americans are not cool with Trump demolishing the East Wing of the White House. Yeah, no fucking shit. And we really hate the demolishing of the constitution. More: ABC News

Note nine: Thank you to this brave young woman for asking VP Couchfuck such an important question. Of course he dodged it like the cowardly asshole he is. More: Mediaite

Note 10: Of course ol’ Janky Dickincouch (JD) is also a big fan of bringing back segregation it seems. Man, his kids are really gonna hate him when they’re older.

Note 11: It’s truly stunning how many videos there are of ICE assaulting peaceful Americans. It’s almost as stunning that the mainstream media don’t seem to give a shit. More: HuffPost

Note 12: We are desperate for some tough Democrats to fight fire with fire and draw some new congressional maps where they can. Instead, we’re finding a bunch of chickenshit wusses like Maryland Senate President Bill Ferguson. Hey, Bill, thanks for being a pussy. You’ve made Trump very happy. More: NBC News

Note 13: Mike Little Johnson is still pretending he can’t see spiritual leaders being shot in the face with pepper balls. Maybe if we got him something to stand on, he could finally see some of this shit.

Note 14: Andrew Cuomo went on Fox News to say more racist shit about Zohran Mamdani. This is one of a billion reasons why we’re with Zo. Because we fucking hate Fox News racists. Even when they pretend to be Democrats. More: Fox News

Note 15: Jake Tapper is a Republican. He’s also a gutless little bitch. More: Mediaite

Note 16: Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker is asking DHS not to fuck with kids on Halloween. Because this is America now. More: NBC Chicago

Note 17: Gosh. It sure is hard to figure out what Bari Weiss is doing at CBS…

Note 18: Now Ted Cruz and Marjorie Taylor Greene are fighting. LOL. It’s like the Scumbag Asshole Super Bowl. More: HuffPost

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we ain’t got much. But this video made us laugh and from now on Sam is definitely wearing pants for the weekly therapy session.

Note 20: And on that breezy note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a lovely week. Now let’s go out and be the best of this country. Because the worst of this country is really getting on our last fucking nerve. Love y’all!

Yiiiiikes
Just when you think the dumbshit president of the United States can’t get any dumber or more dangerous he decides to start playing with nuclear weapons. Shit. Yeah, you are right to be alarmed. We all are. But in an error-filled Truth Social post, Trump announced that we’re going to start testing nukes again. Why? Well that’s anyone’s guess. But we assume it’s because of something he saw on TV because that’s somehow how the world works now. Stock up on iodine pills, y’all. More: NBC News

New history just dropped
A real asshole is set to be sentenced, but the Trump administration is trying to clean up his record. Why? Because Trump pardoned him. Yeah, Taylor Taranto was a Jan. 6 shithead who Trump pardoned. And then, after Trump posted Barack Obama’s address on Truth Social, Taranto showed up in Obama’s neighborhood. The Trump administration erased both of those facts from the sentencing document and suspended the two DOJ prosecutors who wrote it. This fucking asshole really thinks he can rewrite history, doesn’t he? More: NBC News

We stand with Kat
Yesterday Illinois congressional candidate Kat Abughazaleh and five others were indicted by Trump’s DOJ for protesting outside of an ICE facility in Broadview, Ill. We have been so awed by Kat’s fearless determination to stand up to ICE and shine a light on their abuses, and we look forward to her being acquitted for this bullshit. They’re actually accusing her of making an ICE car go slower. Oh the horror. We wish more Democrats had Kat’s courage, and we are damn proud to stand with her. More: ABC News

Today’s clips
As the government shutdown stretches into its fourth week, House Speaker Mike Johnson says he’s feeling fatigued. More: HuffPost

The Senate’s confirmation hearing for President Donald Trump’s surgeon general nominee, Casey Means, was abruptly postponed Thursday morning, the day it was set to begin, after she went into labor. More: Mediaite

Mehdi Hasan questioned this week whether he is “banned” from CNN after a tense on-air moment where a panelist joked about him being “killed.” More: Mediaite

The Trump administration has restored a memorial to a Confederate general in Washington, D.C. that demonstrators took down during racial justice protests in the summer of 2020, part of a broader effort by the president to reshape the way the country’s history is told. More: Associated Press

The Senate passed legislation Wednesday that would nullify U.S. tariffs on Canada, just as President Donald Trump is engaged in trade talks in Asia as well as an increasingly bitter trade spat with U.S.’s northern neighbor that is one of its largest economic partners. More: Associated Press