We ain’t shutting up

It’s Tuesday. There are 49(!) days until the general election. Joe Biden is a really nice man (damnit), America likes MVP and we won’t stop calling out a fascist asshat.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. Because it cares goddamnit.

Note: Worry not, Sexy Patriots! The smoke you saw coming from TBS HQ this morning was totally normal-ish. We were trying to do some math and that usually starts a small fire somewhere and before long you can see and smell the smoke coming out of our ears. What were we mathing? Well it turns out that seven times seven equals 49, and that means that Election Day is actually just seven goddamn months away. Yeah, we were pretty shocked too.

And when you consider that two months ago Joe Biden was our ride-or-die and Trump had yet to have some would-be assassins come looking for him, it feels safe to say that nobody should be making any predictions about what’s going to happen over the next 49 days or even in the period after. Joy and Chaos are in a big damn fight, and there is just no telling what’s next. But we do feel safe making one prediction — shit is going to be totally fucked up nutsville and twice as crazy. Bet on it.

And that’s why we wanted to talk with y’all today about self-care. If you’re new to TBS, then you might not know it was created when Trump was president and we and some of our friends needed a way to cope with the nonstop madness and laugh at the news. Because anyone in their right mind was losing their right mind and we all needed ways to get through it. Well the same is true now.

You know we need you in this battle, making calls and knocking doors and voting. But we also need you to take care of yourself. It’s more than ok to take a day off, to log out of social media, to turn off the tv and even (gasp!) take a day off from this crazy cussing newsletter. We promise we’ll pick up each other’s slack, and this big scary battle will still be here when you come back. So please take some time over the next few weeks to take care of yourself. You’re gonna want to be in a good place when you watch Trump get his ass whooped and then taken to jail.

You SPs are the best, and we’re so fucking grateful to you for fighting on the right side of this righteous fight. But we don’t want anyone losing their shit over it. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Let’s start today with something super important. Yesterday we shared with you the story of the woman in Georgia who died a preventable death because doctors wouldn’t treat her for fear of going to jail. This morning, Vice President Harris is out with a strong statement about this cruel traged.

Note three: Hey so um why in the hell is this asshead sheriff in Ohio telling people to write down the addresses of homes with Harris-Walz signs outside? More: HuffPost

Note four: It’s yet another day of hell in Springfield, Ohio courtesy of the Republican presidential ticket. Republican Gov. Mike DeWine, who still won’t condemn Trump, is sending in state troopers to help with security. What a totally normal fucking country. More: HuffPost

Note five: Congratulations to the Republican Party, which just got shown up by the NBA’s Miami Heat. Thanks to the Heat for being better people than Trump and Vance.

Note six: North Carolina’s Mark Robinson isn’t just one of the worst candidates we’ve ever seen. He’s also one of the worst human beings we’ve ever seen. More: HuffPost

Note seven: Big news this morning as Sean “Diddy” Combs was indicted on charges of sex-trafficking after being arrested yesterday. It’s a shame the Republican convention has passed or he would definitely be getting a speaking slot. Sorry. This is serious shit, and we hope he goes to prison for a very long time. More: TMZ

Note eight: Former Reagan staffers are backing MVP. Normally we’d use this occasion to do some serious shit-talking about the Reagans, but we’ll be cool and just say welcome aboard. More: CBS

Note nine: One of the reasons we’re not worried about poor Orangey is he seemed just fine enough to sell some crypto scam bullshit last night. He’s as fine as that twisted asshole gets, so let’s move on. More: Axios

Note 10: Today is NATIONAL VOTER REGISTRATION DAY!!!! How many people can you sign up? Have you checked your registration to make sure it’s still active? What are you doing to win today? More: IWillVote.com

Note 11: We shouldn’t do this, but here’s a pro tip for Trump and his couch-fucker — if people already think you’re weird, then don’t make up stories about people eating pets…

Note 12: Jill Stein pretty much revealed herself as the Russian stooge we’ve always known she is. Man she sucks. More: AlterNet

Note 13: The editor-in-chief of the right-wing National Review said the n-word on Megyn Kelly’s show yesterday. He says he didn’t, but our ears work. We hope that racist slime eats all the shit. More: Yahoo

Note 14: Hillary weighed in on Elon’s creepiness, and as usual, she nailed it. More: Independent

Note 15: Just a reminder that Ohio has a U.S. Senator who isn’t a total chode, and we can help him win re-election.

Note 16: The Senate is going to vote on IVF protection today, which means Republicans will block it. Weird, right? They keep telling us how much they support this stuff. It’s almost like they’re full of shit. More: CNN

Note 17: The Dow just hit another record high. So it turns out Trump was wrong when he said the market would crash under Biden-Harris. He’s probably been right about some other stuff though. Or not. More: MarketWatch

Note 18: The Second Circuit Court of Appeals upheld Epstein pal Ghislaine Maxwell’s conviction. Bummer for Trump, who you might remember said “I wish her well.” More: Reuters

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we give you this Politico story (we’re surprised too) about how House Democrats are expanding their map and looking at seats that have come into range since MVP went to the top of the ticket. Let’s freaking do this, y’all. More: Politico

Note 20: And on that exciting note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope your week is off to an awesome start. And don’t forget to take little breaks for yourself. There’s plenty of democracy for all of us to save some. Or something like that. Love y’all!

Damnit, Joe

We love us some Joe Biden. Always have. But it has always irked us the way he’s such a good man who is nice to Republicans. For example, yesterday he called Trump to tell him he’s glad the orange asshole is ok. Trump even said the call “couldn’t have been nicer.” While we’d love for Biden to call him up and say “hey fuckhead, glad you’re not dead so we can watch you rot in prison,” it’s probably better for the country and humanity that our president is a good man. Damnit.

More: The Hill

Let’s fucking go!!!

There have been a couple of big news nuggets for MVP in the last day. The first is that USAToday/Suffolk did a high-quality Pennsylvania poll, and they found Harris with a three-point lead (49-46). They also looked at the bellwether counties of Erie and Northampton and found Harris leading in Erie (48-44 in a country Biden won by one point) and in Northampton (50-45 in a place Biden also won by one). Don’t stop, people. Run through the tape. Oh and it turns out that America likes Kamala Harris. According to 538, MVP just crossed into positive approval territory, which means more people have a favorable impression of her than don’t. That’s pretty awesome considering the Republican efforts to destroy her. All gas no brakes. Let’s fucking go.

More: USA Today

We ain’t shutting up

Finally today we want to make a pledge to you that no matter how much Juicy Disgrace (JD) Vance tries to shame us into silence, we won’t shut up. We’re going to keep calling Trump a threat to democracy because he is. We’re going to keep calling Trump a fascist because he is. We’re going to keep saying they are terrorizing Springfield because they are. And we’re going to keep saying Vance fucks couches because it’s hilarious and seems like it could totally be true. So any Republican who thinks they can silence us because some idiot might have tried to kill Trump, can kiss our asses. This is America. We don’t shut up.

More: CNN

Today’s clips

The man arrested in connection with an apparent attempt to assassinate Donald Trump is a former supporter who turned against the former president in part for foreign policy reasons and later traveled to Ukraine, where he made an ill-fated attempt to raise a volunteer force to fight the Russians. More: NBC

A 71-year-old French man acknowledged in court Tuesday that he drugged his then-wife and invited dozens of men to rape her over nearly a decade, as well as raping her himself. More: HuffPost

Suspicious packages were sent to election officials in at least six states on Monday, but there were no reports that any of the packages contained hazardous material. More: CNN