Weekend Edition
It’s Saturday. There are 80 days until the general election. It’s the weekend, y’all.
Be advised: This newsletter only uses half the profanity on weekends that it does on weekdays. Of course, it’s only half as long.
Note: Sexy Patriots! It’s so great to see y’all on a Saturday for an abbreviated edition of TBS! We hope we’re hitting our inboxes while you’re making calls, knocking on doors or just generally kicking behind. It’s also cool if you’re just sitting on your hot ass being awesome. We all need breaks. These are exciting times to be a Democrat or really anyone who isn’t affiliated with Trump or the brain worm dipshit and it’s going to get even better this week when our people gather in Chicago for the Democratic convention.
It’s going to be a great week to celebrate our nominees, applaud our party elders, cheer for our future and not be the other guys. Yeah, we have so much to celebrate, but really we’re just happy to not be Trump supporters. Can you imagine how much that must suck?! Just walking around with your head up an idiot’s ass all the time? No thanks! Yeah, while we’re all partying and being awesome this week, we got a look at the Republican counter-programming schedule and it does not look fun. Here are their themes for the week…
Monday: JD Vance is not weird so please stop calling him weird and goddamnit JD get your hand out of your pants!
Tuesday: Kamala Harris is a communist and ok fine JD is weird but the rest of us are cool
Wednesday: Tim Walz is a liar and what do you want us to say? That Trump is fucking weird too? And that we cry in the shower and we’re secretly voting for Kamala?! Fine! Goddamnit! We admit it!
Thursday: Ok look. We’re weird. Our families even think we’re weird. And we’re stuck with it which makes us even angrier and that makes us even weirder. So you should seriously stop us before we take out this weird angry creepiness on the whole fucking country.
Yikes. Looks like it’s going to be a long week for the Republican Party. Oh well. Sucks to be them. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: VP Harris’s campaign is vicious. And by vicious, we mean it’s brilliant and hilarious.
Note three: The same House Republicans who spent years talking about Hunter Biden’s dick pics now tell us they’re going to investigate Tim Walz. So we’re just straight up using the US House of Representatives as the goddamn Republican National Committee now, huh? Seems pretty fucked up to us. More: Axios
Note four: The Supreme Court told LGBTQ+ kids to go to hell yesterday. Of course the Supreme Court majority is made up of corrupt, evil and soulless assheads. More: CNN
Note five: Is this good for Jiffypop Dumpmouth (JD) Vance? It doesn’t seem good.
Note six: Trump is using Tulsi freaking Gabbard to play the part of Vice President Harris at his debate prep. It’s a pretty tough gig. Not only does Tulsi have to play the vice president, she also has to pretend to not be the worst goddamn person in the world. More: CNN
Note seven: Happy birthday to Robert De Niro, a man who enjoys cussing out Donald Trump as much as we do. More: Reuters
Note eight: Vice President Harris said she ate a whole bag of Doritos after Trump won and that’s some pretty relatable shit right there. More: Huff Post
Note nine: The VFW is seriously pissed about Trump’s recent remarks. Can you imagine how cable news would be covering this if a Democrat had crapped on our veterans like Trump did? Jake Tapper would be openly sobbing! More: VFW.org
Note 10: This is our candidate. And this is why we’re gonna work our asses off to elect her in November. Let’s go!!!
Today’s clips
President Joe Biden will give the keynote address Monday night at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago, making a symbolic handoff of his party to Vice President Kamala Harris and pressing the case for what he says is the threat to the country if Donald Trump returns to the White House. More: Associated Press
In a sign that mediators believe a Gaza cease-fire deal is imminent, a U.S. official said Friday that Mideast negotiators are working out logistics for the potential release of hostages and distribution of aid as part of any agreement to end the Israel-Hamas war. More: Huff Post
Taylor Swift seemed to take aim at Ye, the rapper formerly known as Kanye West, with an updated title for a song from her album "The Tortured Poets Department." More: NBC News
The US Food and Drug Administration is poised to sign off as soon as next week on updated Covid-19 vaccines targeting more recently circulating strains of the virus, according to two sources familiar with the matter, as the country experiences its largest summer wave in two years. More: CNN
Crowds in Tiaret, a rural city of 200,000 in Algeria's high desert plateau, exploded in celebration Friday night to welcome back Imane Khelif, the welterweight boxer who won an Olympic gold medal while fighting off an international storm of lies, online abuse, and uninformed speculation that called into question her eligibility to compete. More: NBC News
I look forward to and thoroughly enjoy the shit out of your cussing newsletter Sam & Adam. Always have! Wishing you all many new followers especially in the next couple of months. Keep up the great work.
JK Rowling's been Xitter (that's pronounced"shitter") silent all week since she posted her fuckwittery last week about the Algerian female boxer. Did JK note that the Italian crybaby took back her accusation and made an apology the day after she got punched so hard she couldn't take it? Didn't see anything about that. Could it have anything to do with the lawsuit filed in France, that might see her have to part with a significant percentage of her Harry Potter money? Hmmm????