VP eats Trump for breakfast

Today’s Big Stuff. October 16, 2024.

It’s Wednesday. There are 20 days until Election Day. Georgia shows up big time, Trump has another meltdown and the VP eats Trump for breakfast. 

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And it’s pretty damn good at it. 

Note: Hey, Sexy Patriots! How the heck are you today? Well whatever you’re doing, it’s working because you are looking finer than a frog’s hair. You know what else is gonna be fine? When Vice President Kamala Harris goes on Fox today. We understand if folks are worried because Fox is a cruel fucking joke on journalism and Bret Baier is a irredeemable Trump buttlick, but the VP has got this and we aint’ worried.

However, we did want to offer her some possible talking points for some of the questions that she might face in such a hostile environment. We know she sure as hell doesn’t need our help, but we like to be of service. So here’s just a few…

Bret Baier: Why did you change your position on fracking?

Kamala Harris: Why does your breath smell like insurrectionist’s ass? Seriously. Why did you change your position on having self-respect, you little chickenshit weasel? 

Bret Baier: What do you say to people who say Bidenomics has been a failure?

Kamala Harris: I’d say Dominion got $787 million richer with Joe Biden in office because you and the rest of the scumbags here are some lying pieces of shit. You want to talk about Dominion, Bret? Hell no you don’t. Punk. 

Bret Baier: Donald Trump says we won’t have a country if you’re elected?

Kamala Harris: You’re a fucking moron, and your mother should be ashamed she crapped you out. Do you hear yourself? How can one man suck so bad at interviewing? Fuck you, fuck Trump and fuck Fox.

We know it’s not super heavy on policy, but we think it’s the right tone. She’ll probably go in a more classy direction, but it’s good to have options. 

Note two: Trump has a rally in Detroit on Friday. So yesterday he insulted Detroit again and then said “a child could do it” about auto workers' jobs. All he needs to do now is show up in a “Red Wings Suck” t-shirt and he should complete the Fuck You leg of his Michigan campaign. More: Yahoo News

Note three: Don’t forget to invest in that Trump crypto scam that he launched yesterday. Naw, we’re just kidding. Can you fucking imagine? More: CNBC

Note four: If you vote for Jill Stein, you’re voting with David Duke. We’re not even kidding. Democrats.org

Note five: We’d like to tip our hats to our friend Ian Sams, the Harris spokesman who keeps going on Fox and making Trump lose his shit. Trump has literally started calling out Sams by name in his Truth Social tantrums, and it is delicious seeing how much our guy is getting under his skin. Keep going, Ian!

Note six: Trump wanted John Kerry put in jail for talking to foreign leaders when he wasn’t in office. So why the hell is it ok for Trump to talk to Putin? (Hint: It ain’t.) More: ABC News

Note seven: We saw some troll in the comments recently say this thing is done by AI. We just want to assure you it is lovingly hand-crafted by two foul-mouthed but well-meaning all-American dudes who love y’all dearly. AI would have fewer typos.

Note eight: Remember that Ohio sheriff who went on Facebook and told people to write down the homes that had Harris-Walz signs outside? Well he kept yapping on Fox and now his county has won a visit from the Justice Department, who will be monitoring the election there. More: Huff Post

Note nine: You won’t believe this but that story about the brain worm guy and the two beltway reporters keeps getting grosser. Ok fine so you’ll totally believe it. More: CNN

Note 10: You need to see Colin Allred putting Ted Cruz in his place on abortion. And really, you should watch as many of that debate as you can because it was satisfying as hell to watch Allred hit Cruz for “hiding in a supply closet” during Jan. 6. 

Note 11: The California Professional Firefighters union knows what’s up. Unlike their wimpy national organization, the California crew has endorsed Kamala Harris. More: CPF

Note 12: Coach Walz and President Obama are campaigning in Wisconsin next week on the state’s first day of early voting. Now try to imagine the freaks Trump will send in and thank dog for the millionth time that you’re on the cool team. More: WPR

Note 13: Kamala Harris is the first mainstream presidential candidate (that we know of) to include legalizing recreational marijuana in her platform. And just when we didn’t think she could get any cooler. More: MarijuanaMonument.net

Note 14: Speaking of the reefer, this is the energy we’re looking for from everybody… More: twitter

Note 15: There are reports this morning that Trump identified the Pelosis as an example of “the enemy within” while talking to a Fox town hall that is set to air later today. We suppose it wasn’t enough for him to make shitty jokes after Paul Pelosi was almost killed.

Note 16: Of all the stupid shit Trump said yesterday, this might be our favorite…

Note 17: Elon Leon Musk is giving “a series of talks” in Pennsylvania for people who voted for Trump. He has also given $75 million (so far) to his PAC to elect Republicans. Remember when the New York Times told us his politics weren’t so simple? Seem pretty fucking simple to us. More: The Guardian

Note 18: HUGE news out of Nebraska this morning as a judge has ordered ex-felons who have completed their sentences have their rights to vote immediately restored. This is a big one because Nebraska has a surprisingly competitive U.S. Senate race and a House seat we can flip. Let’s go!!! More: Nebraska.gov

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you to Pennsylvania where President Dark Brandon went off on Trump last night. But this was our favorite part, where he passed the torch to the Vice President…

Note 20: And on that lovely note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a lovely week. Don’t forget to root for the VP in her battle with Fox this evening. And feel free to use any of our responses that she doesn’t. Love y’all! 

Georgia on our minds
Holy freaking crap! Georgia isn’t messing around! The big-time swing state saw a record-shattering 300,000+ people show up to vote on the first day of early voting yesterday. Hell freaking yeah! According to the asshole Secretary of State, that is a 123 percent increase over the last record of 136,000 votes in 2020. We’ve got a good feeling, y’all. Let’s keep it going! More: WABE

Jeez
So Donald Trump ain’t looking so good. Yesterday he had an interview with Bloomberg’s editor-in-chief and he totally shat the bed. Trump’s answer to every economic question was tariffs, he said “we have to straighten out our press,” he claimed there was a peaceful transfer of power in 2020, he insulted auto workers and Detroit and he was really just an overall mess of sweating orange gibberish. Sensing how big of a disaster it was, Trump’s kiss-asses immediately launched a full-scale bullshit operation to convince the press it was actually a masterful presentation. In truth, it was an unmitigated disaster from a candidate who is falling apart. More: Rolling Stone

Ate him for breakfast
VP Harris continued her outreach to Black voters yesterday, appearing at a town hall with Charlamagne tha God. The VP agreed with Charlamange’s argument that Trump is trying to bring fascism to the US. She smacked Trump for his years of racism and talked about how his national stop-and-frisk proposals would hurt Black men. She absolutely crushed it. The VP has hit her stride doing interviews in the last couple weeks, and the Beltway crowd must be furious. More: Associated Press

Today’s clips
Former first lady Michelle Obama will headline a rally in Atlanta a week before the Nov. 5 election alongside celebrities and civic leaders focusing on engaging younger and first-time voters, as well as voters of color. More: Associated Press

Democrats, needing to gain only a handful of seats to flip control of the House, have reason to be optimistic about their chances in western Wisconsin’s 3rd Congressional District, where a waitress at a farm-to-table restaurant is hoping to knock off incumbent and first-term Republican Rep. Derrick Van Orden. More: Huff Post

A judge has blocked a new rule that requires Georgia Election Day ballots to be counted by hand after the close of voting. The ruling came a day after the same judge ruled that county election officials must certify election results by the deadline set in law. More: Huff Post