Viva Los Angeles!

It’s Monday. There are 512 days until the midterm elections. Standing with Terry, a scary threat for Elon Leon and Trump invades L.A.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. For example, it might say get those fucking troops out of fucking Los Angeles right fucking now.

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! We are back to full strength and on our regular irregular schedule this week. Thanks for being patient with us. And thanks for letting the nazi scum attacking this country know that we won’t be going without a fight. We’re gonna talk more about this in the news section, but with Sam living in L.A., we thought we’d take a second to let you know that there are no real riots here and the only invaders were sent by a certain orange asshead.

But we also wanted to take a moment to ask those brave folks out pushing back against ICE and the National Guard to please be careful. We understand that people can only be pushed so far before they start pushing back, but we also have a psycho dick-tator running shit and he’s just itching to kill some Americans. That’s why we’re endorsing this brilliant and beautiful protest style that was seen in the City of Angels yesterday…

Fucking brilliant. Goddamn we love L.A. And we love the creativity and courage of the resistance. Thank you, from the bottoms of our hearts, for everyone who is stepping up and pushing back. And to Trump and his foot soldiers who are happy to invade an American city, fuck you, eat shit and kiss our asses. This is America, and we don’t do kings. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We would also like to welcome the stairs of Air Force One to the resistance. Got him!

Note three: Remember last week when the richest man in the world accused the president of the United States of being involved in a pedophilia ring? If you said yes, you must not be a member of the msm who are already moving on. For what it’s worth, it sure looks like Elon Leon totally caved like the mega-wuss that he is. What a punk. More: CNBC

Note four: We still think Trump should be asked why he let a drugged out South African freakshow gut the VA and have all of our personal data. But we don’t work for the New York Times.

Note five: Americans are standing up. Heroes are being born everywhere. Trump is fucking with the wrong country.

Note six: Hell, even Gavin Newsom is getting tough and that dude spent the last six months getting cozy with Steve Bannon and Charlie fucking Kirk. Go Gavin! More: NBC News

Note seven: One of the people Trump’s goons fucked with in California is a labor leader. They detained him and injured him. If only Tapper would write a book about it. More: Cal Matters

Note eight: While he’s threatening to send Marines to L.A., Pete Hegseth is also embarrassingly incompetent. He’s such a dunce, they can’t even find normal people who are willing to work with him. More: NBC News

Note nine: Thank you to Kamala Harris for standing up for L.A. and telling Trump to fuck off. WE COULD HAVE HAD FUCKING JOY, AMERICA!!! More: HuffPost

Note 10: Instead we get scumbag cops shooting foreign reporters like psycho nutjobs.

Note 11: Huge congrats to Coco Gauff on winning the French Open! Thank god for some good news. More: Tennis.com

Note 12: Oleksandr Usyk, an actual tough guy and the world heavyweight boxing champion, is asking Trump to stop being Putin’s bitch and actually go visit Ukraine. Unfortunately, Trump is way too much of a coward to do that. More: CNN

Note 13: While we’re on sports (congrats to the OKC Thunder on last night’s win!), we have to take a second to praise the GOAT Simone Biles. She is the greatest to ever do it, and this weekend she put that loser swimmer in check. More: NBC News

Note 14: Scott Pelley continues to be a lonely voice for real journalism. We’re damn grateful. Even if his joke of a network isn’t. More: CNN

Note 15: Don’t forget that Fascist Fuckhead Day is almost here! Frankly we’re just glad these tanks aren’t rolling into L.A. Yet.

Note 16: We want to say thanks and send love to the Democratic officials who have been on the front lines in Los Angeles. Especially Maxine Waters, who is unafraid of tiny-peened punks. More: The Hill

Note 17: Trump thinks college should be for rich white Republicans only. That’s why he wants to wreck Pell Grants. What a piece of shit. More: CNBC

Note 18: CBS has Trump’s approval rating at 45/55. He’s 10 points underwater on Ukraine, 16 points underwater on the economy and 22 points underwater on inflation. A bill that fucks over the middle class to get Elon Leon some more tax cuts should help. More: CBS News

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you to the Proud Boys. Or more accurately we take you to the beautiful resistance warriors who enjoy fucking with the Proud Boys. God this is hilarious…

Note 20: And on that loud and defiant note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are hanging in there. We know the news is scary as hell right now. Take lots of breaks, stay hydrated and be safe out there. Love y’all!

We’re with Terry
Desperate to distract from the Elon Leon drama, the White House spent much of the weekend attacking ABC journalist Terry Moran for calling out Stephen Miller for being a total “hater.” Of course Moran didn’t say anything that wasn’t accurate, but ABC still folded like the cowards they are and suspended Moran. You see this White House stands for free speech but only for nazis and racists. Everyone else has to shut the fuck up and get their words approved by the president. Cool country, right? More: The Guardian

Oopsie, Elon
While Scum vs. Dork was raging over the weekend, Trump made a very scary threat to Elon Leon over the weekend that seems to have scared him into submission. While doing an interview with the kiss-asses at NBC, Trump said that Elon Leon will face “very serious consequences” if he starts funding Democratic candidates. We don’t know what’s scarier — that the president of the United States is making open threats over political support or that they seem to have worked. More: NBC News

Viva Los Angeles!
So we’ve talked about it a lot at this point, but Trump has invaded Los Angeles, sending in National Guard troops even when LAPD, a crooked and bloodthirsty organization itself, said they didn’t need the help. Trump and Tom Homan have declared war on L.A. and California, and we are seeing reports that the city can expect 30 days of raids. It’s really obvious that Trump wants violence and unrest so he can crack down on us. Well fuck him. Also, how the hell is L.A. supposed to host the World Cup and the Olympics?! Anyway, we love you, Los Angeles. Please be safe! More: HuffPost

Today’s clips
Senior U.S. and Chinese officials will meet in London on Monday in an effort to de-escalate the bitter trade dispute between the world’s two biggest economies that has roiled the global economy, with China’s restrictions on critical minerals high on the agenda. More: NBC News

Southern Baptists meeting this week in Dallas will be asked to approve resolutions calling for a legal ban on pornography and a reversal of the U.S. Supreme Court's approval of same-sex marriage. More: NBC News

House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-La.) faced criticism after he defended the wearing of masks by Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents during immigration raids. More: HuffPost

Russia has bombarded Ukraine with the largest attack of the 3-year-old conflict, launching 479 drones overnight in a bold offensive, the Ukrainian air force said Monday. More: Mediaite

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