‘Very few people’

It’s Thursday. There are 383 days until the midterm elections. SCOTUS is ready to screw us (again), the press goes dark at the Pentagon and Trump gets ready for another felony.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it ain’t shooting missiles at California like an asshole.

Note: We can’t lie to you, Sexy Patriots — you’re just too damn sexy. But yesterday was one of those days. The abuses and outrages piled up so fucking high that we couldn’t see past them to any hope. Between SCOTUS fucking us and Trump in his mad king era, it was just one of those days when things started to feel pretty bleak. And then we saw this shit…

Oh Cankles. He thinks “very few people” are gonna show up this weekend? Y’all ready to teach that dumb motherfucker how to count? It has honestly been wild to us just how obviously shaken Republicans are by the coming No Kings rally. Especially when you remember that the mainstream media completely ignored the last one. We can only assume they are scared shitless or they’re planning to start some shit. Either way, they’re shitty.

We’re being ruled by fascist morons, and there are gonna be days when that reality weighs on us. That’s why this protest is so important. It’s a shot of hope and a reminder to keep going because there are fucking millions and millions of us. So let’s show this asshole just how many of us there are and get him pissing his pants more than usual. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We need to send some love to Alaska. The footage we’ve been seeing all week is just horrifying. We can’t tell if Trump is doing a goddamn thing to help or if he thinks he already gave the state to Russia. Hang in there, Alaska! More: The Guardian

Note three: We wish we were kidding about that missiles into California thing. But shit is really that fucking stupid. More: Meidas News

Note four: A House Republican staffer had a goddamn American flag with a goddamn swastika on it. It’s pretty fucking obvious who these people are, right? So why the hell are we pretending otherwise? More: HuffPost

Note five: The Ghostbusters theme song clarinet player has been freed!

Note six: Cheryl Hines went on the View yesterday. They were way too nice to her when you consider how many kids her husband is probably going to kill. More: People

Note seven: Trump admitted publicly yesterday he has sent the CIA to fuck around with Venezuela. America is so good at fucking with the governments of South America that we just can’t imagine anything going wrong. More: NBC News

Note eight: We’re giving $40 fucking billion to Argentina. The whole goddamn annual budget for USAID was $35 million. But who gives a shit about saving babies’ lives when you can bail out an ass-kissing freak? More: NBC News

Note nine: Virginia Giuffre’s book is coming out. And there are some creepy evil scumbags who should be concerned. More: Associated Press

Note 10: The Speaker of the House is a flailing mess these days. Here he is defending one of his members who was hit with a restraining order this week. The mainstream media think this is fine.

Note 11: Want to see how a real Speaker of the House handles scum? Watch Pelosi deal with this fake reporter. More: The Poke

Note 12: Big props to Zohran Mamdani, who went onto Fox News yesterday and handled their bullshit just fine. He even had Brit “Vinyl Vixen” Hume singing his praises. More: Mediaite

Note 13: Last night AOC and Bernie did a CNN town hall, and it was really good. We can’t tell if AOC is just that good of a communicator or if everyone else in our party is just that bad at it.

Note 14: NBC News fired 150 people. They’re all from the diversity divisions. That’s probably just a coincidence, right? More: Mediaite

Note 15: Sigh. We were gonna skip this, but we’re a newsletter and this is technically news. Olivia Nuzzi, the brain worm freak’s sexting friend, is going to release a book. We will most definitely not be reading it. More: HuffPost

Note 16: Some rare good news out of Oklahoma, where the new state superintendent is no longer going to require bibles in the classroom. Maybe Oklahoma kids will have a chance at future employment now. More: NBC News

Note 17: Total piece of shit Jesse Watters has some thoughts about Jennifer Anniston’s appearance. Has nobody told him he looks like Herman Munster went on Extreme Makeover? More: Mediaite

Note 18: It is so weird to us to love a pope this much. We’re not even Catholic!

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re going back to South Park after a few weeks away. We couldn’t find a video clip of them showing Peter Thiel talking about how Satan’s asshole is so tiny that only Trump’s little weenus could fit in there, so here’s a story about it. More: The Guardian

Note 20: And on that shocking and hilarious note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope your week is going ok. If it’s not, you should plan on getting together with a few million of your closest friends this weekend and protesting a fascist dickhead. Love y’all!

This ain’t good
It was pretty obvious during yesterday’s arguments that the Republican operatives posing as Supreme Court justices are about to wreck what’s left of the Voting Rights Act, setting up the end of a lot of Black and Latino representation in Congress. Because the majority of the court are racist scum who hate the progress that was made through 1960s legislation, Democrats’ battle to win the House back or ever again is likely to get a lot harder. According to HuffPo, this ruling could lead state legislatures to draw new maps that eliminate as many as 19 Democratic seats before the midterms. Yeah, this is pretty fucking bad. But it ain’t over, so please don’t despair. When they put hurdles in front of us, we learn to jump higher. More: The Guardian

Respect
It’s no secret that we detest the beltway media. We know they don’t respect us because we can see they don’t respect themselves. So it was a big deal yesterday when the Pentagon press corps stood in solidarity as they handed in their press badges instead of succumbing to pressure from a drunken alleged rapist playing as SecDef. Pete Hegseth thinks he can control what reporters cover and report on, and these reporters took a stand. We’ve been waiting for fucking years for the White House or Capitol Hill press to take a stand like this, and it’s just not happening. So big kudos to the Pentagon reporters who stood up for themselves and a free press yesterday. More: CNN

Here they come
The Wall Street Journal is reporting that Trump is preparing to rewire the IRS to go after Democratic donors. And that’s a felony. According to the Journal, Trump wants to install one of his little bitches as the head of the IRS’s criminal unit and they’ve already drawn up a list of Democrats they want to target. They are definitely going after George Soros. Again, this is all felonious. As Aaron Reichlin-Melnick pointed out on social media, it’s a “full-blown federal felony crime for anyone in the White House or Executive Office of the President to order tax investigations into anyone.” Thank goodness this White House cares about following the law. Oh wait… More: Wall Street Journal, Yahoo News

Today’s clips
The public release of a Young Republican group chat that included racist language, jokes about rape and flippant commentary on gas chambers prompted bipartisan calls for those involved to be removed from or resign their positions. More: Associated Press

Former President Barack Obama is endorsing Democratic former Rep. Abigail Spanberger in the Virginia governor’s race and starring in two new digital ads for her campaign. More: NBC News

The family of Diane Keaton revealed her cause of death in a statement shared with People magazine on Wednesday, less than a week after the Oscar-winning actress died. More: HuffPost

Top Democrats in Pennsylvania are reportedly circling Senator John Fetterman (D-PA) and plotting a potential primary challenge with the goal of ousting the lawmaker. More: Mediaite

Illinois Governor and billionaire heir to the Hyatt hotel fortune JB Pritzker (D) won over a million dollars gambling in 2024, records released by his 2026 reelection campaign show. More: Yahoo

Donald Trump’s administration drew fierce blowback on Wednesday following a news report on how the U.S. refugee system could soon be majorly overhauled. More: HuffPost