Um, who voted for this?
It’s Monday. There are 638 days until the midterm elections. Democrats elect a new chair, the world’s richest man owns America now and Trump warns of ‘pain.’
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But only because it reads the goddamn news.
Note: Sexy Patriots! Welcome back to the shitshow. It’s gotten much shittier since we last saw you. The world’s richest psycho loser completed a coup and the economy fell off a cliff because America elected a goddamn moron who doesn’t know how tariffs work. And on top of all of that, we got more bad news from this mangy motherfucker…
Goddamnit. NOT NOW, PHIL! Yeah, we were so bummed by this straw that broke the camel’s back that is our mental health, that we were ready to make groundhog stew. But then we realized things are actually worse than six more weeks of winter. So we called up Punxutawney Phil’s pessimistic cousin, Hershey Howard.
TBS: What’s shakin’, Howard?
Hershey Howard: Hey guys. Love the newsletter. What’s shaking? Me! I’m trembling with fear!
TBS: Oh gosh. Because of your cousin’s weather prediction?
HH: No, you phucking idiots. Because fascism has come to America! Six more weeks of wint…
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