Two or Three More Weeks

It’s Thursday. There are 215 days until the midterm elections. Trump has a rough morning at SCOTUS, murder in Buffalo and a really bad speech from a really bad president.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. You should have heard it yelling, “Shit yeah, Artemis!”

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we’ve got some good news and we’ve got some bad news. The good news is you were right. The bad news is you were right. Yeah, for years you’ve been telling people that Republicans are psycho assholes who don’t care if Americans die in the streets as long as there’s enough money for bombs and killing shit. And now it’s the official Republican platform…

Hear that, America? You’re meant to suffer and barely get by because President Goldfinger wants to spend your money on missiles he uses to murder little girls. Seriously. We can’t afford daycare because we need bombs to blow up daycare. ARE WE FUCKING GREAT AGAIN OR WHAT?! We don’t know about y’all, but we’re sure fucking excited to pay taxes this year. In fact, we know exactly where we’d like to stick the check. It rhymes with “blup blis blorange blass.”

Let’s hope like hell that this country finally sees how idiotic and self-destructive this way of thinking is. We can either take care of our kids or we can murder kids. It really sucks that this seems to be such a hard decision for our nation. Also, we never thought we’d say this, but we hope Trump keeps talking. He’s really cutting some killer ads for us these days, and he’s like a week away from just telling the whole damn country to fuck off. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: We’ll talk more about this in the news section but holy effing shit did the markets not like Trump’s stupid speech. More: NBC News

Note three: Does Trump think he’s better looking than Bruce Springsteen? Because that’s some immediate 25th Amendment shit. More: HuffPost

Note four: Congrats to Senate Dems. Yesterday Trump, Thune and Mike Little Johnson announced they are surrendering on DHS. They’re gonna try to pass it through reconciliation in what will be the most unpopular piece of legislation ever. Good luck with that. More: Associated Press

Note five: The Artemis launch really was exciting. We sure hope they have a safe trip.

Note six: Today is International Fact-checking Day. They should really do that on April 1. We saw way too many people fall for way too much dumb shit. More: Associated Press

Note seven: Trump has lost Thune on NATO. How long until the Senate Majority Leader falls out of a window? More: HuffPost

Note eight: Politico really blew it yesterday. But blowing is kinda their thing. More: Mediaite

Note nine: There are days when it seems like Trump hates the GOP as much as we do. Fuck ‘em up, Donnie. More: NBC News

Note 10: Let’s check in on “Judge” Pirro and oh dear. Definitely keep your kids away from that lunatic and her house made out of candy.

Note 11: It’s a very holy time of year so the blasphemy at the White House is flowing like a fucking firehose. More: HuffPost

Note 12: This is what we’re talking about! Vote Vets is running ads slamming Susan Collins and Derrick Van Orden over Iran. Fuck yeah! More: HuffPost

Note 13: We keep waiting for just one White House reporter to find the stones to ask Trump about all the time he spends insulting our allies. Maybe today is the day. More: Mediaite

Note 14: Everything sucks, but Ryan Coogler is rebooting The X-Files, so we’ve got that going for us. More: HuffPost

Note 15: We’re getting to where we hate posting clips of Trump talking, but we thought you should know that we have plenty of gas. Whatever the fuck that means.

Note 16: It is fucking wild watching the Far Left come for AOC. Folks, if she’s not liberal enough for you then no one is. More: NBC News

Note 17: The Washington Wizards tricked a fan into thinking he won $10,000. Not cool. Haven’t Wizards fans been punished enough by this team? More: The Big Lead

Note 18: Trump has lost Alex Jones. But that motherfucker still eats paste so it might not mean anything. More: HuffPost

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we wanted to share a feel-good story. While we were furious yesterday thinking about the scum who want to disappear the 14th Amendment, HuffPo’s Jennifer Bendery was out in front of SCOTUS talking to Americans who showed up to defend our immigrant brothers and sisters. Thanks to those folks and to Jen for reminding us again of all the good people. More: Yahoo

Note 20: And on that inspirational note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a good week so far. We also hope you skipped that dumb speech last night. You’re way too cool for that shit. Love y’all!

Supreme Jackass
Trump followed through on his threat to go to the Supreme Court yesterday. And nobody really seemed to care all that much. The justices still wrecked his dumb, racist argument right in front of his dumb, racist face and his bitch ass left 13 minutes into the opposition’s arguments. He then ran home to cry and post on Truth Social about the “kangaroo court.” While it’s true that the court is probably not going to give Trump what he wants here, that sure as shit don’t make them moderates. This whole thing just feels like theater. More: Associated Press

Homicide
Remember the blind refugee in Buffalo who CBP thugs left to die? Well the country medical examiner’s office declared his death a homicide. That means another murder courtesy of the Department of Homeland Security. The abuses and outrages are stacking up so fast these days that we feel relieved and comforted every time we see an instance where authorities are still trying to get accountability. More: Associated Press

(Pac-man dying noise)
That’s what we thought of when we saw Trump’s shitty speech last night. It was so bad, y’all. He has no idea what he’s doing and no idea how to get out of it, and both those things were really obvious last night. The price of a barrel of oil skyrocketed while he was rambling. Even Wall Street isn’t buying the gibberish anymore. The good news is this is only going to last for another two or three weeks. And then we get our new healthcare plan. More: HuffPost

Today’s clips
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — In rain, snow and bitter cold, a steady drumbeat of small protests have been held in recent months on the Ohio State University main campus with a single goal in mind: removing billionaire retail mogul Les Wexner’s name from buildings where it’s emblazoned. More: Associated Press

WASHINGTON (AP) — The funding lapse for the Department of Homeland Security will likely stretch into next week as the House contemplates passing a Senate plan it had previously rejected to fund the bulk of the agency, but not its immigration enforcement operations. More: Associated Press

WASHINGTON — Three Democratic senators with potential ambitions to run for president in 2028 say they are standing by their decision to vote for a law giving President Donald Trump enhanced powers to detain undocumented immigrants, even as others in the party have begun apologizing for their support of the measure. More: HuffPost

The federal government’s disease-tracking agency has paused its diagnostic testing for rabies, monkeypox and a number of other infectious diseases. More: NBC News

One kid’s unscripted reply to a CNN reporter asking about NASA’s Artemis II launch has raked in millions of views and going massively viral after he perfectly summed up the excitement of the historic day. More: Mediaite