Turn the volume up!

It’s Wednesday. There are 363 days until the midterm elections. Trump calls for more cheating, a record-long shutdown and a big, beautiful Blue night.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s how we can report that Republicans got their asses kicked last night.

Note: Holy freaking cow nuts, Sexy Patriots! We have sooooo much to talk about today! That’s why we think it’s so important that we start with the mayoral race in Cincinnati, Ohio. We don’t want it getting lost in the shuffle. We’re talking of course about Cory Bowman. If you’re thinking I’VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF THAT FUCKING GUY, well, you’re not alone.

Last night Bowman got his ass handed to him in the race to be mayor of Cincinnati. Why do we give a shit when there’s so much else going on? Well because ol’ Bowman is the brother of the sofa slut himself…

LOLOL!!! Yep, Couchfuck has a brother, and that brother got his ass whooped good last night. We don’t know if Bowman has sex with the furniture like his asshole brother, and truth be told, we don’t even know if he’s an asshole. But the folks in Cincy sure seem to think so!!! Hahahahahaha!!!!

Anyway, best of luck to Cory Bowman. We sure hope he doesn’t have to go crash on his brother’s couch. That’s a good way to get pregnant. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: What a fucking night!!! Where do we even begin? Let’s start in Virginia, where Republicans are now an endangered species. Not only did we sweep the top three offices, but we flipped 13 freaking seats in the House of Delegates! Every single county shifted blue! This was a goddamn earthquake! More: WTOP

Note three: We want to send some great big congratulations to Gov.-elect Abigail Spanberger on her landslide win!

Note four: We ran the damn table in Pennsylvania! We had three Supreme Court justices up for retention, and we retained every last one of ‘em! Thank you for saving 2028, Pennsylvania! More: HuffPost

Note five: Dick Cheney is still dead.

Note six: California came through BIG TIME, voting overwhelmingly to redraw the state’s congressional districts and making Texas Republicans regret being total slimy assholes. More: HuffPost

Note seven: In New Jersey, the pollsters were dead wrong. They told us it would be close, but Mikie Sherrill ran away with it because Trump sucks and everyone hates him.

Note eight: We had forgotten what it felt like to be in this good of a mood.

Note nine: NYC, you are so fucking beautiful. It’s hard to describe how much we enjoyed watching Zohran Mamdani campaign and win. A lot of folks weren’t sure when we got on the Zo Train a few months ago. But when we saw this video of him standing up to Tom Homan, we knew he was the kind of fighter we wanted to get behind. Congratulations, Mayor-elect Mamdani.

Note 10: And if you didn’t see Mamdani’s speech last night, you missed him calling out Trump and telling him “turn the volume up!” Goosebumps, y’all. More: HuffPost

Note 11: We’re probably gonna miss some of last night’s results, but we did want to make sure y’all saw that in Bucks County, Pa., the ICE-humping sheriff got beat. And a bunch of trash lost school board races. Fuck yeah! More: WHYY

Note 12: In case you didn’t see it, we wrote a piece last night about how Democrats proved last night that we are a big tent and the centrist pundits should go fuck themselves.

Note 13: Just a reminder that Trump and the Republican Party are currently starving Americans for political leverage. If you can give to your local food bank, please do.

Note 14: A federal judge wants to force the Trump White House to rehire sign language interpreters. It really speaks to how goddamn evil they are that a judge has to get involved. More: Politico

Note 15: We’re sending love to Louisville in Sam’s native Kentucky after a plane crash killed at least nine people. More: WLWT

Note 16: Marjorie Taylor Greene was on The View yesterday. We get that things are so bad for Republicans that she’s jumping ship like a rat, but we won’t forget what a bigoted moron she’s been. More: The Independent

Note 17: Looking good, Chicago!

Note 18: We would normally be getting a jobs report tomorrow, but Trump is covering it up because the economy is sucking wind. ADP says that the economy only added 42,000 jobs last month. Seems bad. More: NBC News

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re taking you to La La Land where Jimmy Kimmel is proving we picked the right side in that feud. Kimmel created a food bank on his show’s Hollywood backlot this week while Trump probably bought more gold shit. Thanks to Jimmy for caring about Americans when the president won’t. More: Hollywood Reporter

Note 20: And on that uplifting note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a lovely week. We know we sure as hell are. Love y’all!

Of course
We were stunned this morning to see that a ray of reality actually made it to the White House, where Trump acknowledged that last night’s results were “not good” for Republicans. He even admitted that the shutdown was a big part of his party’s losses. And he responded by saying he will listen to the people and stop being such a corrupt dick. Just kidding. He responded by calling on Republicans to cheat so they can keep Democrats out of power forever. Trump had Republican senators to the White House for a last-minute breakfast, and he told them again to get rid of the filibuster so he can ram through a bunch of election legislation. Majority Leader John Thune has been holding firm against the nuclear option, but who knows how much longer he will hold out? More: The Hill

Congrats on the record, asshole
We are now 36 days into the Trump shutdown, which is a record. The last longest shutdown also happened during a Trump administration. So yeah, he sucks at governing. We had been starting to see some cracks in the Senate Democratic caucus, but hopefully they all realize how much leverage they got from last night’s wins and how fucking furious Democrats will be if they cave for nothing. This morning, Schumer (who never did endorse Mamdani and wouldn’t even say who he voted for) and Hakeem Jeffries wrote a letter to Trump “to demand” a bipartisan meeting to talk about ending the shutdown. Let’s hope they find the same courage our candidates last night did. More: CNN

It’s blue and it’s beautiful
What a fucking night! We’ve gone through as much of the election results as we could, so we thought we’d take this section to just say thank you to all of you for keeping the faith and fighting your hot asses off. It’s been the year from hell, and we all desperately needed to believe that winning was possible again. But more than that, we needed to feel some hope that our country wasn’t the moronic shithole we were starting to fear it was. You really done good, Sexy Patriots. And we’re damn glad to know ya. More: HuffPost

Today’s clips
Pope Leo XIV called for “deep reflection” in the United States about the treatment of migrants held in detention, saying that “many people who have lived for years and years and years, never causing problems, have been deeply affected by what is going on right now.” More: Associated Press

President Donald Trump’s signature economic policy comes under Supreme Court scrutiny Wednesday as the justices weigh whether he has the authority to impose sweeping tariffs on imports under a law designed for use during a national emergency. More: NBC News

A judge heard testimony Tuesday about overflowing toilets, crowded cells, no beds and water that “tasted like sewer” at a Chicago-area building that serves as a key detention spot for people rounded up in the Trump administration’s immigration crackdown. More: NBC News

A judge will weigh on Wednesday how to respond to allegations that federal immigration agents in the Chicago area have used excessive force, following a surge of recent court filings detailing tense encounters between agents and local residents. More: NBC News

President Donald Trump teased Vice President JD Vance for “butting in to conversations” during a White House breakfast for Republican senators held on Wednesday morning. More: Mediaite

Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) was unapologetic after media reports showed photographs of her attending a Halloween party with her boyfriend dressed as a Mexican woman and an Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agent. More: Mediaite